Track 24 Lentor Ave

Hares: Forced Entry, Penile Extension, The Boxer (& the local constabulary).

On On: The Boxer on site.

Knobby Boy Scout

Knobby has put out a lovely coffee table book titled ‘Parting Glances.’ It is about the disappearing state of 6 areas in Singapore. Fabulous photos that will give great memories if you have been in Singapore for a while. I purchased my copy already. Knobby should be at this week’s run with copies that he will autograph for you. $45. (How many of us know Knobby’s real name and what he does??)

The Run:

Two Hares turn up from different directions and the resulting discussion behind the beer wagon indicates that the trail may not have been set according to plan. Nothing like a cock up before we even start.

The ill advised ventured off into some jungle while those in the know took the overhead bridge and crossed Lentor Ave. The plain stupid dodged traffic on a 6 lane main road. Almost road kill Kobra.

Down into a stream soon had runners weighted down with sand in shoes syndrome. Stiff and I introduced a new potential Olympic sport – synchronized stream jumping. Take off and mid air looked good. The landing was in unison too- but we ended up flat on our faces. Will work on our dismount.

Time to hit the tracks at the back of Tagore. At a Check, I gave Wee Willy lots of encouragement to search further into the tunnel under the SLE, despite the fact that I could see Knobby Boy Scout in the distance at the top of the hill calling for a woman. One must keep amused on the Hash.

Upper Thompson Rd and across into the Springleaf Estate. The faithful did a jungle stretch before emerging at the drink stop. I managed to sniff the drink stop out and found a shorter route which enabled me to be onto my 2^nd serve of vodka cranberry before the Pack arrived. Wee Willy, having been delayed by his tunnel deviation, also gave me a serve when he arrived.

Well, there was only one way home from here. Down the canal to Lentor and along the MRT. Wait, the faithful found the long split and did an excursion on the other side of the canal as well. Two ways home. Good stuff. A very friendly train driver gave us a hoot as he went by.

The Circle: Wet Brazilian is hampered in her efforts to get us to form a Circle due to the presence of 2 police officers who were obviously lacking in real criminal work to solve. First the cars in front of SingTel were asked to move. Then the cars along the grass way next to the MRT fence were asked to move. Then The Boxer was asked to mover her kitchen. And finally Croc Hunter was asked to move the beer Wagon. So where were we told to move to? The other side of the road away from the MRT. Yep, 12 meters. Singapore at it’s best.

But we all obliged with a smile, chipped in and helped Croc & The Boxer relocate and thanked the two officers on doing a fine job in keeping the streets of Singapore safe. I mean, who would let their daughter out at night knowing that there are cars parked on the MRT side of Track 24?

Well managed Gypsy and Zipp. And thanks everyone for cooperating with a smile. And seriously, the police do a good job. (Can’t let the truth get in the way of a good story).

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough police, too sandy, too short, too long. But as the GM said last week, no matter what sort of a run it was, it was still a good run.

Tell us about your On On: The Boxer, roast beef, roast turkey, roast salad & roast pavlova (The Kiwis can’t even take credit for that one).

Next week’s run: Give Way is in to give details but she must have been riding a pony – she is a little hoarse. Boo amplifies for her but very few can understand him. He’s a lawyer (almost a good one) Penile Extension takes over but he is worse. No one can understand him. International Business Park, Jurong. Nowhere near Telok Blangah.

Lipstick: Knobby Boy Scout, the lad from Freo (Fremantle for non Aussies) EMP, and a visitor. I went straight in with hands up – a slight error of judgment in the first 50 metres.

Guests: Golden Shower, Park Whore Bitch, Trevor, Totally Unacceptable, Vicki, Mata Hari, Wimbo, King Lear, Steamer, Stiff and Knobby Boy Scout.

In and Out is in as a Returnee.

Virgins: rather scarce these days.

New Member: Nope.

Tits: Stiffy offers a choice of crossing a rather significant arterial road with 6 lanes, such as Lentor Ave.

1. Use the pedestrian lights.
   
2. Use the overhead pedestrian bridge.
   
3. Risk life and limb by ignoring the first 2 options and dodge and weave traffic over 6 lanes.
   

Kan The Kobra was almost truly Kanned.

Dick: Dragon Breath is still having plumbing problems and is a bit dry.

Banana Protector: I thought this was with Stiffy, but my notes say Stiffener. Well, it’s all in the family. The Stiff person in question, who I now reckon was Stiffener, was stuck at traffic lights on the way to the Run and noticed the car next to them stopped with it’s boot open, hood open, hazard lights on, reflector hazard triangle out. Looked like a serious problem for the poor occupants. Wait on, that’s Zipp and Gypsy. Oh, run out of petrol huh. Ok, we won’t tell.

Awards –nope.

Announcements: 40^th Anniversary of Harriets, Oct 26^th

Cheval Restaurant, Turf City.

$99 – 7 course meal, free flow and entertainment.

AOB:

• Not Good Enough is in good form, according to himself, and charges Boo for translating. We couldn’t understand a bloody thing he said.
  
• Not Good Enough continues, this time on the Hares. The police arrived and negotiated with Zipp and Gypsy. All good Then Posh Duck negotiated, resulting in a loss of hard fought ground as we had to move to the other side of the road. And all the time we had an almost good Singapore Lawyer negotiator in Boo, who preferred to sit watch proceedings from the comfort of his chair sipping on a beer. Just as well really, we could have been all locked up thanks to Boo if he got involved.
  
• The Boxer comes in with latex gloves on. Immediately Stiff bends over hoping for a free prostrate examination. She holds up some smelly running shoes, socks and male boxers. Park Whore Bitch is asked if they were his. Unsure. But Penile Extension recognizes the shoes as being his. Cancel the plural. Make that singular shoe. He then rants on about where the other one is. Bloody shoeless Poms.
  
• A birthday present in a cardboard box is then given to The Boxer. It is bigger than her. Could be a nice pair of salt and pepper shakers.
  

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

A Fairy Tale with a Happy Ending.

Once upon a time, there was a bloke who asked a sheila to marry him. She said no.

And so he lived happily ever after with his mates, drinking beer, playing golf, fishing, betting on the horses, farting in bed, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, taking an annual holiday to Pattaya, leaving the toilet seat up, subscribing to all the sports channels and going to the footy on a Saturday arvo. The End.

Hares: Cock Radio & Virginia Slim. With Associate Member’s help.

Where: St. George’s Church Car Park, Dempsey

On On: Sammy’s Curry.

The Run:

It was a scary group that assembled in the car park – and they were just the runners not wearing costumes. Kamala looked particularly scary. A 100ml afternoon downpour of rain miraculously stopped at 5minutes to 4.

With a man in front at all times, the creepy and spooky pack headed out onto Napier Rd. The Hares wisely decided to avoid the Australian High Commission and American Embassy, where security troops on patrol looked even more frightening than us, instead taking the group to the other side of the road for the first Hold Check and photo shot outside the gate into the Botanical Gardens.

Most runners thought that we were doing a run through the Gardens, but as soon as Tiger Lily had disappeared out of sight, the Hare cunningly and quietly called everyone back to follow trail along Holland Rd.

It was then into the Dempsey area to harass and spook the evening diners and shopkeepers. 2 more Hold Checks and photo shots, including 1 outside a bar that was celebrating Halloween, then it was time to find the little red car with the drink stop. A very pregnant looking Virginia Slim then served the thirsty ghouls, demons, witches and convicts glasses of white wine before a leisurely stroll across the grass to home.

5.3km and 1 hour.

The Circle:
A well organized Circle tonight, with Cock Radio and Stiffy in control. Almost 50 in attendance was a great turn out. Even Boo and Quickie turned up just for the Circle. (Thanks everyone for dressing up and supporting the run. Next year we will have prize categories organized in advance and reward more of you for your efforts).

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not scary enough. Possible run of the year may have been mentioned. Then again my hearing is not great.

Tell us about your On On:
Yes, we have one. Sammy’s Curry for burgers and chips served on banana leaf. (25 at On On – 3 still in Dempsey precinct at 3am. Guess who?)

Next week’s run: Sneaky Comer and Wet n Wild, Bukit Browne Cemetery

Visitors / Returnees:
King Leer, Baby Sitter, Red Snapper, Shuttle Cock, Malfunktion, Trash, Deep Throat 1, Deep Throat 2, Pissy, Boxer, Stiff. (So many visitors brought a smile to the Hash Cash face).

A visiting Russian gal threw half her down down over her head, landing on a few members. She was promptly dealt with by the GM’s for Beer abuse – Cock Radio smothered vegemite on her face and Stiffy sprayed her with Lynx, Africa scent.

New Member: nope

Virgins: Too scary.

Tits: Red Snapper – F#*king Easy for moving too slow, Dances With Kerbs for short cutting straight to the drink stop, and the Hares for misleading the women for forgetting to announce it had to be a man in front at all times. As Virginia Slim looks 6 months pregnant, it was decided he would need the Tits.

Dick:
After being returned from Lethal Weapon in a very sick way, it was decided the Dick should go for some plastic surgery. Wet n Wild took it to hospital and decided to have an ear operation herself while she was there.

Little Dick was rescued from E Bay and awarded to Tiger Lily. Apparently after a run in Hanoi last weekend, a little frog hopped out of her knickers. A little dick in the hand is better than 2 frogs in the bush.

Lippy: All the naughty gals who ran in front without a man. Tiger Lily, Big Head (who called ‘I need a fast man with a slow hand’), Jack Off, Wet Brazilian, Too Easy, Deep Throat. All were given Vegemite on the face and a spray of African Lynx.

Awards –
Goes Down Easy and F#*king Easy, who have 4 kids, were given a box of condoms to solve their breeding problem.

Best dressed runner. Nominations were Big Head and Sybil, Too Easy, Kan The Kobra, Trash, Wet Brazilian and Convict Man (visitor). Convict Man wins.

Scariest runner: Virginia Slim, Wet Brazilian, Not Tonight, Gypsy. Virgina Slim wins after he claimed Cock Radio was the father of the baby.

AOB:

• Zipp has discovered a pair of twin sisters who were reunited tonight, after being separated at birth. Big Head, who is very much a horny red head tonight, and Sybil.
  
• Stiffy gave a lesson in symmetry – in comes Boxer, Trash and Deep Throat 2 – look at the height symmetry.
  
• Slocum called all the naughty gals back in and pointed that they no longer were wearing their Vegemite. As the men always have to keep their lipstick on till the end of the Circle, it is only fair that this rule applies to naughty gals. And so an extra thick dab of Vegemite is reapplied.
  
• A man in front at all times stipulation on this run led to an interesting situation – Wet Brazilian observed at one stage Tiger Lily hanging off Malfunktion’s shoulder.
  
• Zipp liked Tiger Lily’s costume, but thought it was just lacking something at the front. Fat Crashing Bastard to the rescue and offers her 2 soft balloons, which Tiger Lily stuffed down her top. Unfortunately they fell straight through to the ground. Try stuffing a frog down there.
  
• Stiffy then offered Tiger Lily a pair of googly eyes on springs to improve her vision to find trail better.
  
• Two Jugs also has a sight problem – couldn’t see someone who was standing right next to her. Maybe her jugs got in the way?
  
• Deep Throat asked the Hares ‘What has Vegemite got to do with Halloween?’ Well, it’s scared the shit out of all the girls that have had it smothered over their face. How scary do you want it?
  
• Malfunktion reckons Vegemite is so scary, even Deep Throats dogs wouldn’t lick it off her face. However, Marmite.
  
• Kannot Kan reckons Malfunktion looks pretty ghoulish tonight – he is preparing his looks for the upcoming Viking Festival. Not only has he got the looks, word is he has been raping and pillaging and calling himself Hagar.
  
• Kannot Kan calls in Kan The Cobra, Boo and Quickie. What do they all have in common? The Sunday Hash. 500^th run (equivalent to a 1000 runs for a weekly club). Dec 8^th, Bottle Tree Park, $88. On a Saturday.
  
• Shaggy Dick Too in Hanoi got a mention for being resourceful at last week’s Mekong Hash. After reaching the summit of a particularly large mini mountain, his bowels had reached their limit. Finding a nice secluded area away from other runners, he squatted and enjoyed the scenic views over rural Viet Nam. However, no toilet paper to finish off. He was still extracting grass from, you know where, 3 days later and was on his 2^nd tube of savlon. ‘Too much information,’ was the call from many of the gals.
  
• Why does Gypsy have a dollar sticking out his ear? He’s a buccaneer. (This took 5 minutes explaining before Tiger Lily got it.
  
• Lion City D&D Nov 17^th. See Jack Off.
  
• Seletar D&D Nov 24^th. Harriets table – see Slim.
  
• Sunday 500^th run Dec 8^th. See Quickie, KNK etc
  

   

A big thanks to the Harriet’s for allowing the Associate Members to have a night of mismanagement. xxx.

Scribed by Dances With Kerbs and written up by Cock Radio

(thanks JJ)

And now for something completely different –

PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)
I had to look up “paraprosdokian”. Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there’s a will, there’s relations.