. . . for Mac fans
Circle Report - Run 1803
Mother Tongues Birthday Run
30/1/08
Lock Rd Car Park
Mother Tongue, Slippery Bum and Yanna
This was really 4 runs in 1. There were of course the normal walkers/ back runners who take strategic short cuts every week, (eg Sybil and Co), those that ran the whole correct trail, ( Big Head and Co.), those that accidently (???) short cut the correct trail (Tiger Lily and Co.) and those that added on an extra loop for good measure (Shoe Shopper and Co.). The run began with a leisurely little jaunt along Preston Rd, up the hill to ISS for a viewing of what is undoubtedly the premier International School in Singapore, and of course the inevitable T check at the top.
Most of the pack went all the way back down to Alexandra Rd, while a foolish group of Hashers went checking off to the side of the hill. Why foolish? Because they were following BOO! Oh my Buddha, will they (I) never learn. Of course, trail was found some 1500 metres from where Guru Boo was leading his little flock along the edge of Preston Rd. A nice little section through some beautifully landscaped area saw the pack enter a nursery, where some runners where chased by an irate worker in his fork lift. As he was being pursued by this madman on wheels, Stiffy was heard to yell back over his shoulder in his best commanding school teacher voice, 'Fork off will you'.
A tricky check at the bottom of Kent Ridge saw the Hare have to intervene and send the front runners up the hill, exactly where a searching Shoe Shopper had come back from 5 minutes earlier saying "It's not up there'. Onto the bike track we went, skirting the perimeter of Kent Ridge Hill through some lovely running tracks. Some people were so impressed with the serenity that they actually repeated one section. I believe Shoe Shopper may have been one of them, but then again I could be wrong (but I don't think so). Meanwhile, Tiger Lily, who we had tried to lose by sending her 2 kms in the opposite direction at the previous check, decided that the only way she could lead the front runners in tonight was to deviate off the bike track and short cut onto the walking track, also taking a few male runners with her.The front runners arrived at the top of Kent Ridge for a scenic drink stop, but were in such poor condition that they could only force down pure cranberry juice without the vodka. How sad. However, their share of alcohol was happily consumed by some of the Sybil and Co group.
Onto the boardwalk, down the hill, cut across the fields and drains and there was the Handlebar in sight. Mr Potato Head may have consumed a few too many vodkas at the drink stop as he had a little fall and almost ended up in the drain on the last stage.
So what did we think of the run? 'Too short', complained Tiger Lily. ''Some sections appeared to be repeated' queried a puzzled Shoe Shopper, 'Not enough Irish runners' lamented Sybil, 'T. t... too much vod-car in the cranbrie duice' stuttered Mr.Potatoe Head while applying a plaster to a shoulder wound, 'What run?' asked Wet Pet and Pants Alone, interrupting their 2 hours 10 minutes non stop conversation, "I will be having bloody nightmares about 'The Attack of the Killer Nursery Fork Lifts' " trembled a very pale looking Stiffy, 'Vary vuckin vood vun' proclaimed Mother Tongue(vut vemember, she vus a co vare), 'What time does a 6 o'clock run start?' demanded Not Good Enough, who had just arrived in work clothes at 8.10. Despite all this, no doubt this was a 'Vary vuckin vood vun', and of course, anything that Yanna has something to do with has to be 'vary....v v v...... ' Well done Hares, great run, have a vodka and cranberry.
Next week; Pants Alone, Lost Marbles and Wet and Wild (if they can stop talking) End of Rifle Range Rd. Sounds like a Kiwi theme so wear something Australian. What day is the run next week? TUESDAY. Yes, Tuesday. Do not embarrass yourself by turning up Wednesday. (although we secretly hope that someone will!) Most Hashers will adapt to this one off change due to Chinese New Year, but obviously it poses a major dilemma for Goody Bags, and we look with interest to see if she turns up for the Harriet's Run or goes to the Seletar Run ?????????????????????? What time will the TUESDAY 6 o'clock run start? Most probably at 6, but check with Not Good Enough to confirm.
Virgins: Just Julie, Terry, Phillip and Liz (should that be Prince Phillip and Queen Elizabeth ? - sorry, I mean no disrespect by calling you Phil and Liz, but after all, this is the f..ing hash!)
Mother Tongue comes in for a birthday down down and does a great effort with the blow job on the candles.
Visitors: They have come from everywhere tonight - Bali, San Francisco, Seoul, and even Singapore.
Boomerangs; Bagless, Wet Already, Nobby Boy Scout
New member; Roz
Tutu; A motley looking crew, consisting of Mr Potato Head (Gypsie as a look a like as Mr P. Head left as he was suffering from vodkas cranberrisis pisseditis and loss of blood, however I think a little viewing of Tiger Lily's arse later on would have perked him up), Bagless, Forest Gump,( who apparently ran, and he ran and he ran until he got tired, then he turned around and went home - probably short-cutted with Tiger Lily?) Virgin Terry,and Stiffy. Stiffy won the tutu hands down. As he was being chased by the madman on the Fork Lift in the nursery, he reached speeds previously unheard off and actually sprinted past Tiger Lily. Obviously he needed more than a women at this stage ( probably something like a Sherman Tank to take on the fork lift would have been handy)
The Dick: Shaggy Dick comes in with a family member to give away. During the run, after missing a turn with Tiger Lily and Nobby Boy Scout, he inadvertently ended up behind Mr Potato Head and Cock Radio, whom he overheard having a conversation that went; Cock Radio - ' What was Shaggy Dick doing to miss that turn?' Mr Potato Head- ' Probably looking at Tiger Lily's arse' (which I thought was quite a reasonable excuse) Cock Radio - 'Mmm, fair enough mate. Then what was Nobby Boy Scout looking at if he was behind Shaggy Dick?' Anyway, later in the run, Mr Potato Head was following Shoe Shopper, who at this stage decided to do an extra little lap of the Kent Ridge bike track ,and he followed her. So what was Mr Potato Head doing to miss the trail? Obviously looking at Shoe Shoppers arse. If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones mate. Take the dick, here's to arse man! So in comes Mr Potato Head look a like, Stiffy, to claim the dick.
At this moment, it is hard not to notice Stiffy who not only is wearing a pink tutu but has a dick on his head! Interesting. All he needs are the tits.
Speaking of the tits, Wet Pet is in and comments that a few people were saying before the run " Where are the Tits?". ( I can vouch for this as I have a bruised cheek where I got slapped simply for displaying a puzzled look on my face when I overheard a reasonably well endowed Harriet Committee member asking the above question) Anyway, apparently the Tits have been in Octopussy's car, completely unknown to her. Obviously she is not a tits girl. What's more, the tits were on the driver's seat, she had been sitting on them. I think any male would have a fair idea if they had been sitting on a pair of tits for 3 weeks. Wet Pet has been away for awhile and became very excited with Pant's Alone's big news. Wet and Ready is pregnant!!?? No, she is engaged lah. Keep up with the news. ' There's a Brown Finger in the Ring, tra la la la la....."
As Stiffy left the circle earlier in a tutu and with the dick on his head, he went and sat on the scribes knee. This caused considerable shaking in the legs. (the legs of the chair the scribe was sitting in that is)
Can Not Khan - Standing on a Carslberg (sponsor plug) beer crate, Can Not Khan proceeded to deliver a sermon to his eager flock that went something like "Blessed are the people on the Wednesday run for they come from all corners of the world and are all ages. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth. Blessed are the Cheese Makers, for they.....? " Then I couldn't hear properly so I asked him to speak up, then someone called me 'Big Nose' and told me to shut up so I bought a bag of shackles and went to the stoning instead. Fortunately, Sybil stayed on and interpreted the rest of the sermon for us (although she does keep referring to Biggus Dickus,- was he a visitor or returnee?) So on went the sermon from CNK ... " Blessed are the Younger Generation for they shall remain younger than their elders ..... " and lots more philosophy for us to think about. He cited a younger generation person in Yanna, who many of us would love to cite, who offered assistance to some elders by giving them a short cut to the drink stop which could be more enjoyable to them rather than sweating away on the trail. 'Insult' they shouted and ran the F...ing hash to finally get to the drink stop 1 hour later. Ah yes, the reward, the satisfaction! Perhaps looking a little the worst for wear after reaching the top of Kent Ridge, the Younger Generation hare then delivered the knock out blow by suggesting her 2 elders ride in the rear of the wagon back to the run site. Of course the elders refused, took their pride with them, got lost in the dark and arrived back at 8 pm, coming in from the opposite direction to the home trail. " Blessed are the proud ones, for they shall come in late every time" There endeth the sermon.
Gyspie has been getting rid of a few skeletons from his closet. Well, anyway, he had a clean out and rediscovered some old hash gear. His girlfriend 20 years ago (now his wife of course!) saw him as a sex object (and still does) and bought him some rather racey Harrietes hash gear. The highlight was the tiny silky shorts with the snap release up the side which he paraded in with flair. I think there is a market in Australia for those, I'm sure the Bondi Beach Lifesaving Boat Crew could be interested. In Zipp, here's to you and Eye Candy! Not Tonite has Mother Tongue in and daughter (the one we would like to cite) and wonders why no hash name? Has to have something to do with tongue, so Yanna is now known as "Tongue in Somewhere". ( As Tongue in Somewhere was on her knees being named, the scribe had a little hearing problem and had to position himself on his chair directly in front of the namee, purely for the purpose of accurate reporting )
What time does a 6 0'clock run start? Boo calls in Not Good Enough, who dropped his wife off at the run then went off to soccer. (did he train or go to the Soccer Bar? duh, silly question) But give him his dues, he did come back to the run site to pick up his wife while the circle was on,(did Soccer Bar close early and he needed more beer?) NO NO NO. How could we think these nasty things of him. He forced himself away from the Soccer Bar (it was his round ,but that's irrelevant) because his wife called him from the circle to come and get her. So she missed him so much? Anniversary? Romantic Dinner? Valentines? A promise? NOOOOOO! Give Way called NGE to leave the Soccer Club Bar immediately ( sorry, I mean soccer training) to come and get her to take her to work!! Umpire, do you mind!!! This is a Hasher with a f....ing work problem. 'She ought to be ............' Good charge BOO, not often we can say something good about you!
Mother Tongue gets Not Good Venough back in ve circle and says vat a ventleman ve is vor coming back and vicking up his vife. ' Vullshit, Vullshit, it all sounds like vullshit to .....'
Sybil charges NGE and says "@&$%%## (&^%FF^(($#$5%^*(HGH&^#@!@#^^)&*&_+ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (lift up top) DFG$&^%*&(&)*%#@#@iohvTY(&*$%#%$#%YG jhjh%*&%&(()*^&())GHFdffgcsa)*%##$!@"
Good charge!
ON ON to the Handlebar!
See you TUESDAY 6pm
Scribed by Cock Radio, with a big thanks to Quickie for the chair.
GONG XI FA CAI to all our Chinese friends