Circle Report - Run 1817

2/5/08

Kan The Cobra, Khannot Kan

Somewhere in Tampines

The Run
‘Short and quite simple, nothing too difficult’ were the words we received from the Hares before the run. One hour 20 mins later, the pack limped back, having been subjected to the following;

head high grass and reeds with razor blade edges
black mud swamps
water crossings with broken branches to balance on
continous trips in the long grass
mud
invisible holes
an electrified security fence
invisible tiny people in the long grass that kept untying runners shoe laces
fishing nets
a wade through the reservoir
chest deep quick sand
piranhas
escaped terrorists
being photographed next to a ‘Keep Out’ sign while on State Land (water?)

A group of Hashers searching for Tiger Lily in a bog hole!

Numbers were looking a little light on at the start, with a number of runners deciding that they preferred Elton John’s company to ours. Anyway, a late start to the run as hand phones were in constant use as hashers called from cabs scattered all over Tampines, ‘I can’t find the run site, where is it?’ Thank heavens Shoe Shopper didn’t come to the run, we would still be driving around the back blocks of Tampines today looking for it! Stiffy spent his waiting time eying of potential units across the way for him to purchase, informing us that the new site for UWC was just across the field and this place was going to boom.

Finally it was off into the bush and onto some trails of long sharp grass and hazards. The route was slow at times, which is not always a bad thing. The Hare decided that while we were in single file it was time to inform everyone about the on on, so from the back of the line he shouted ‘Mr Ho, Chicken Rice, pass it on’ and so on down the line it went until someone would fail to pass it on and got booed by the rest. Emerging from the bush, the dreaded electric fence loomed in front of us. ‘Don’t touch the fence!’ came the call. How we all managed to keep our footing amongst all the holes and trips and avoid rolling into the fence I don’t know! The next little treat for us was some very black slushy mud that then turned into a bit of a waterway that had to be crossed by way of old broken branches. First in line to cross was Big Head, followed by Cock Radio then Shaggy Dick2. Big Head almost was across when she found she had nothing left to hang onto, so she stopped bent over with bum in the air and hands hanging on where her feet were. This delay plus the sight of Big Heads polka dotted bum sticking up to the heavens was too much for Shaggy Dick2 and there was an almighty crack of breaking branches followed by a cry of ‘Oh f..ck!’ followed by a splash. Shaggy was in deep shit! Now this was worth a bit of a laugh, and those Hashers who were still on terra firmis waiting to cross had a great old chuckle at the sight of a rather saggy Shaggy floundering in the murky water. And rightly so they should have laughed. But rather foolishly however, Big Head decided to join in the laughter, momentarily forgetting her very precarious predicament. Her bum went from pointing to the sky to pointing down at the water. In she went with a half twist and semi pike, wiping the smile off her face. Cock Radio, who had miraculously maintained his balanced composure in the middle of these two, saw his opportunity to make a wonky sort of dash across the remaining logs to safety on the other side where he had a jolly good chuckle at his good fortune, for once not being the clumsy one floundering in the water. Big Head was not going to let him get completely away with this and proceeded to wipe her muddy runners on him and she then dried herself off by giving Cock Radio a full body rub with her wet clothing, leaving him slightly wet but with a big smile on his face. In the meantime, our short cutting Thai friend who hadn’t got her feet wet continued on her merry way! 5 minutes up the trail came the sound of laughter , mmm, that sounds like Boo. Mmm, it is Boo. How did he get ahead, he was behind us? Seems Boo found a short cut that didn’t require crossing the water!

A T check saw the front runners coming back to the fence line, where a certain tall hasher could see over the long grass and noticed paper in the distance leading towards the reservoir. So confident was Cock Radio that this was the correct way, that he was dropping paper down while calling ‘checking.’ Unfortunately the other front runners, who did not enjoy the same height advantage, went searching back in the opposite direction and got slightly left behind. So on down to the Reservoir. In and out trees, more trips, holes, ups and downs, water crossings. With Hi Beam leading the way, it was hard to tell who was doing the most swearing and cursing, her or Stiffy? I lost count after 67 the number of times ‘F..cking hares!’ was muttered. All of a sudden we were alarmed by the sound of some wild creature pounding through the bush, tearing through the under growth, knocking down branches, beating its own trail through the wilderness. Oh no, it must be a rampaging wild boar after us, quick, look for a tree to climb to safety. But before we knew it, it was upon us, glistening with sweat ,pushing us aside like feathers. And then it was gone! My Buddha, that was no wild boar, that was Tiger Lily! Where did she come from?

So on we ran, through the trees, through the scrub all the way around the perimeter of the reservoir. Finally the trail led runners into the water, with paper strategically placed on dead trees out into the reservoir. ‘I can’t swim’ cried Hi Beam. Carefully, the very spread out pack made their way through the reservoir where they were photographed by one of the hares guests who was strategically located with camera. After emerging from the water, there were more surprises in store. Amongst the head high grass and reeds was a pit of what Tiger lily described as quicksand. Into she ran and sank up to her chest. All alone and stuck in the bog was not a wonderful experience for her! Anyway, the trail eventually emerged back onto solid road and back to the Beer Wagon.

Big Head, Shaggy Dick 2 and mystery friend after they fell in.

The circle
What Did we think of the Run? Not enough grass, more trips, f…ck the Hares, not enough scratches. The vote; Good Run!

Guests :
Elephant Man, Ichiebauwersan, Be My Friend, Stiff, plus a few others I missed.

Awards:
150 walks – Suzie Wong

Lipstick:
Only one candidate today, Hooray, who instead of bush bashing on trail decided to take a cleared fence line which allowed him to move quicker and subsequently got himself ahead. Have the tutu as well.

The Tits:
Father Anus followed a hasher who was calling ‘checking’ but as this runner was calling ‘Checking’ he was also laying paper. Rather confident or what? Have the Tits Cock Radio.

AOB:
We all agree with Boo, for once, that it is quite permissible to carry a stick on the run, handy for keeping snakes at bay or fending off wild tigers. But Be My Friend was carrying a book with him! What was he going to do, sit under tree at the circle checks and have a little read? But it’s a Singapore Guide Book claims Be My Friend. Yeah sure, as if those trails tonight are going to be marked in a guide book, have a drink then go back to your reading.

Open Wider and Loose Change are dragged in for having their own private conversation. But we were talking about Willys they cry.

Not Tonight reminds us how we are a clean hash with everyone having a shower of some sort after the run, some cars even have their own little bathroom out the back complete with shower. Imagine her alarm when, having arrived back just a tad late, she went to wash only to find a male Hasher peeing in her bathroom. Squire! So what did she do? Walked up to him and started a conversation while he was on the job. Squire, no peeing in other peoples bathrooms.

Wet and Wild also was peed off, she saw a male Hasher having a pee out in the open on the trail, he didn’t even attempt to find a tree. Boo, next time find a lamp post to lift your leg on!

Hooray tells us that Tiger Lily arrived back shaking with fear all over her face. ‘I was on my own and sunk in quicksand up to my boobs’ she trembled. Luckily she was able to do the breast stroke and rescued herself.

Tiger Lily laments how she, Goody Bags and Carolyn arrive 15 minutes late for the run then had to wait for Goody Bags to duck into the bushes to go to the toilet. ‘Hurry up Goody’ says Tiger impatiently. ‘Wait, I’m not finished’ says Goody. 2 minutes later. ‘Come on Goody Bags’ protests Tiger Lily. ‘Wait!’ says Goody. Another 2 minutes pass. ‘Goody Bags will you HURRY UP! Another 2 minutes pass. ‘Goody Bags, are you doing Number 1 or 2 in there?’ asks a frustrated Tiger Lily. Thankfully Carolyn has a big bladder and didn’t have to go.

Stiff then tells us a little story about Carolyn on the dog hash. Apparently she was wearing a rather short skirt and was a little bit worried about preserving her modesty if she was to climb a long set of steps. This seems an apt moment for some Hash naming, and it was decided that Carolyn will now be known as ‘Peep Show’

Stiffy finally makes it in and complains he has been waiting 45 minutes to have his little piece. ‘Now you know how I feel’ quips Not Tonight. Stiffy suggests that Big Head was moving a little differently on the run tonight. What was the cause of this? She appeared to be moving like Quickie. It seems Big Head took one look at the state of the Hares legs when she arrived that she very quickly found Quickie and borrowed a pair of her ¾ length tights, complete with polka dots. She rounded this by pulling her long yellow socks up over the bottom of them. Give Bozo the clown a drink.

The GM observes very correctly that Stiffy has been whinging all night(you should have heard him running around the reservoir!) and duly give s him the whingers award. As he drinks, it is blissfully quiet for 30 seconds!

Tiger Lily charges Suzee Wong for getting Goody Bags and her to put on a peep show while showering and wriggle their arse. (why wasn’t I invited?)

Cock Radio has had enough, he is fed up. There have been 3 Hashers having their own conversation all night. What does he do with persistent chatterers in his classroom that don’t pay attention? Yes, he separates them! So Stiffy is made to sit in the middle of the circle, Loose Change is made to stand next to the Beer Wagon and Open Wider is banished to the middle of the road and told not to move, even when the Army truck with learner driver comes along! Give the naughty, naughty little children a note.

21 may, we need a Hare. Hi Beam puts her hand up. Hurly burly, what a girly!

Goody Bags however turned to the person next to her and said ‘What night would the 21st be?’ umm, fair chance it will be a Wednesday Goody Bags, this is the Wednesday hash!

Open Wider tells us that the GM confided to her that ‘I am now officially a blonde’ Oh yeah, which part? Sure sure, give natural blondie a note. Natural bonde?

Goody Bags comes in for the pay back charge on Tiger Lily. It seems that Goody Bags was getting ready to take the Mrt from way out west to Tampines when she got a phone call from Tiger Lily asking if she wanted to share a taxi, we’ll save money you know. With some degree of trepidation, goody Bags gets in a cab from Bukit Batok with Tiger Lily, but before they have a chance to get onto the PIE Tiger Lily has another idea! Why don’t we pick up Carolyn (Peep Show) on the way, we save even more money! Just because Carolyn didn’t actually live on the route to Tampines was irrelevant. Anyway, the 3 of them finally arrive at the run site, 15 minutes late and having racked up a taxi bill of $52. Goody Bags and Carolyn then stage a mutiny, refusing to pay. Anyway, after Goody Bags has her extended pee in the bushes, off they go on trail, some 15 minutes after everyone else. However, at the 2nd check they encountered a problem finding trail, the end result being Tiger Lily running off and dumping her 2 taxi passengers, leaving them to retrace their own way back to the Beer Wagon! Give the girl a note!

Khannot Can tells us that we have a very naughty school girl. It seems that Can the Cobra went out shopping for a naughty little school girl uniform to wear especially to this run and then got to scared to wear it. Give the naughty girl a spanking!

Tiger Lily, whose wallet is $52 lighter, has the hares in for selecting such a remote run site.

As the new firm Tits were donated by the Banter magazine distributor, an informal suggestion was made that they be know as ‘The Banter Bra’

On On On to Mr. Ho chicken, fish and salad.

Scribed by Cock Radio