Circle Report 1871
The �all good things must come to an end� Octopussy�s Farewell Run (sob sob).
Linden Drive
Octopussy and Give Way
The Run.
The Hares gave a few instructions, something about soggy paper is ok, (but not if you had curry for dinner last night), look out for dolphins, if you cross a major road you are off trail and will be arrested, if you reach Clarke Quay hail the first available taxi and return to the beer wagon, if you come to a horse, don�t try and put a dollar coin in the slot, it will actually be a real horse, not a merry go round, and so on. No worries. So off we head, through the washing lines and a bit of jungle to emerge onto a major road. Don�t cross the road! First instruction, tick. Down the footpath to a stream, search around through the tunnel and find soggy paper. Call �Need a woman!� Next instruction, tick. So far so good.
Following the soggy paper (soggy was hardly the word for the quality of the remnants that we were following), Shoe Shopper became skeptical as to whether we were on trail. Seeing the stream to our left, and remembering the Hares next instruction, she began looking for dolphins. Umm, Shopper, we are in the middle of Singapore and that stream is all of 53 cm deep, not even a suicidal dolphin could find its way into there.
On we trek until we see some very unsoggy paper and we emerge from the stream trail to discover a couple of Hares who have gone completely out of their way to lay 3 pieces of fresh paper from the stream to the next track. What a sacrifice and what empathy they display. So we run up a hill along the dirt track and through some foul smelling shiggy only to find a T check. Bastards! So back through the crap we go and are confronted with 2 options. Right towards the PIE or left towards the horses. Shaggy Dick 2 gallops off towards the horses, holding a dollar coin in his hand and shouting �I want a ride, I really love mountain horses.� This only brings him a severe reprimand from a mountain woman who wants to lasso him and break him in. Hares instruction about mountain horses and women on the Hash � tick. Those that went towards the PIE encountered more hardship in the form of ugly orange mud. Soggy paper was found, in fact extremely soggy traces of paper were found, which made Wet Patch reluctant to call anything. Eventually on on was called back, and a bloody long way back it was. Some lovely paths and tracks were reached inside the old Turf Club area. Around we went, finally out to the fields on the Back Straight where kids were playing soccer. It was then a long stretch home, one for the runners, and I�m sure we had to cross a main road at one stage. Front runners back in 45 minutes and the rest by 1 hour. Good stuff Hares after such a wet morning.
Kan Not Can arrives in a taxi late after the run is over. Excuse? Taxi lost. That equates close enough to he got lost, possibly near Clarke Quay, and opted to take a cab back to the beer van. Last Hares instruction � tick!
Circle Report:
What did we think of the run?
Without horsing around, it was decided this was a good run, and with a combined Hares age of 253 years, who could argue.
Are we eating?
Ye olde faithful, Red Lantern. $12 a table? Cheap.
Next week:
Sembawang Park, car park 2. On On at Beaulieu House by the water. There can be no whinging about this site, it�s no where near f#*cking Bukit Timah Rd, it�s not East Coast, it�s not a city run and the committee will hand out petrol vouchers.
Virgins:
No idea
Visitors and Returnees:
They know who they are and they were acknowledged appropriately. Because I have no idea.
Lipstick:
Stiffy takes it like the man he isn�t, while a visitor prolongs the �pleasure� by attempting to do some sort of mating dance with Kamala attempts to apply her best to him.
The Dick:
Twin Towers is still holding onto the Dick, probably due to the fact that Fawlty Towers is away.
The Tits:
Give Way is looking rather well endowed tonight, sort of normal I guess, and comes in with a list of targets.
- �Don�t cross a major road� was a Hare instruction. In all those that did not heed the advice. Too many to count!
- �Do not make a noise near the horses,� was Hare instruction number 2. What did Shaggy Dick 2 do at a T check near the horses? Yep, he shouted out �Are you?� �Neigh, neigh,� was the answer, now get on your horse SD2 and gallop out of there!
- At this stage, Give Way notices something about the culprits in the Circle. Yes, most are teachers! All those not teachers, leave the Circle and let�s look at the guilty ones who give instructions for others to follow but cannot follow instructions themselves. ( I think most where from UWC, scribe�s note.)
- Not Good Enough is then brought in, and quite appropriately too. Good charge! The only thing was, I couldn�t hear a bloody thing of the charge because half the bloody new committee were holding a �f#*% cking meeting directly behind me.
Awards:
The new committee is introduced. This is for the second time in 2 weeks because I have this written already from last week. Guess I may as well leave this note in for the next 51 weeks.
- 450 runs - Quickie receives a nice shirt for this. �Off, off� comes the call from none other than Boo. Revenge at Boo�s expense (Quickie, believe us, this was totally directed at Boo, not you � scribe) and the pack sang in gusto �She alright, she�s alright, ���..� Was Boo singing?????
- 53 years of Hashing in Singapore. (well, give or take a year or 3). Octopussy of course. And she comes out with a bag of stuff that she tried to unload on Sir Stamford Raffles when he left Singapore 2 Centuries ago.
- First is something straight from Lethal Weapons bag of tricks, a bloody big knife that Crocodile Dundee would be happy with. Yep, a bloody big knife that can be used for cutting jungle on setting trails or disarming over enthusiastic males that get carried away with testestorone levels that Octopussy has had a problem with over the years (probably used only for the former - scribe). Sneaky Comer receives the Lethal Weapon for clearing jungle trail. Mmm, that should be handy on the East Coast, or maybe he will use it Saturday mornings at East Coast Park to hold off all the female roller bladders that chase after him???
- Next is a little memento Octopus, and it goes to the only Harriet who plods slower than Octopussy. Yep, Confucius!
- Next is a slinky mini red dress complete with matching bloomers (no, not Skidmarks and Alison!) Stiff and Sneaky Comer are the designees for these priceless treasures, but Stiff blows it all away by attempting to pull the skirt over his head. As that is more of an undressing maneuver, Comes Quietly wins and we look forward to seeing him at the next Red Dress Run.
- Next is the favourite Hash Bag. Stiffy is the recipicant, as the bag contains treasures that will help him set his next run. 3 x � pieces of chalk, 25 grams of flour and � of a roll of toilet bag. The total components of this bag are 4 times what Stiffy has used on his last 10 runs, and this little booty should see him stocked up well into the next century.
AOB ?
- Mother�s Tongue points out to Octopussy that it is bad karma giving the knife away like that and correct protocol should have been followed. Whatever that is.
- Mother�s Tongue points out to Stiff that trying to put a skirt on over the head is incorrect as well.
- Mother�s Tongue goes for the trifecta and lays another one on Octopussy, something about security but my Mother�s Tongue interpretation skills let me down on this one.
- Lethal Weapon joins the assault on Octopussy, and gives her a present, only she doesn�t have the present here. Saves unwrapping it I guess. But if it was here, it would be a pair of glasses. Why?? Last week at the AGM, Octopussy stepped into the lift and thought she was in handbags kitchen. That lift had everything but the kitchen sink huh?
- Wet Pet gives some information on how Octopussy got her name. seems that in her wilder days she had 8 men in her unit alone. A 9some??
- Posh Duck takes a stroll down memory lane with Octopussy and mentions the Stagnant Ring Run which he absolutely ruined for her. Mmm, was Posh Duck one of the 8 in Wet Pet�s unit???
- Tiger Lily has a turn at Octopussy, and grabs Wet Pet as well. While on the run tonight, the 2 of them passed a group of runners and tried to sell their car to them. Honest Mary Car Sales, lowest prices in town.
- Sneaky Comer is in to sink the boots further into Octopussy. He was told by Comes Quietly to wear good shoes for this run as these Hares don�t go anywhere near shiggy. Mmm, maybe Comes Quietly needs a drink for giving false info. Wonder if Sneaky and CQ were amongst the 8??
- Boo can�t help but mention how Octopussy wanted him to do an Old Fart�s Run with her. Boo cheekily suggested he wasn�t an old fart! Was Boo one of the 8????
- Meanwhile, Stiffy has been examining the bag he received from Octopussy and what did he find in it?
- � a bag of flour, use by date 1957
- � roll of toilet paper, 1 ply
- 3 bits of chalk
- 1 Mars Bar wrapper
- 1 tissue, possibly used
- 2 condom packets, empty
- 6 condoms, unused, expiry June 68
- 1 scrap of paper with 8 phone numbers on it
- And finally at the bottom what did Stiffy find? The keys to Octopussy�s house. Wonder what happened to the other 7 sets?? Was Stiffy one of the 8??? - Lethal Weapon has a go at the scribe for standing in the middle of the road with the potential to block traffic and cause a disturbance. Have a feeling that goes back to last week with the scribe shouting at every one to get off the road before the police arrive!
- Kamala has a go at Octopussy for letting some Harriet�s down. It seems that Zipp only came to the run because she was sure there would be champagne.
- This could also be Octopussy�s fault too, but there we were running along next to the stream and Shoe Shopper is looking for dolphins. SS, Octopussy meant dolphins on the trail paper.
On on ,
Cock Radio