Circle Report #1886
19th August 2009The Cactus between 2 Roses Run
Cactus Rd
Suzee Wong, Virginia Slim, Loose Change
The Run
Finding a car park around the back of the shops was the first obstacle to overcome. Mother Tongue indicated that she may be going for a Singapore Taxi licence by shunting her car forwards and backwards 27 times before finally making it over the gutter for an off road spot. I got car sick just watching her, so she will get her taxi license easily. Bloodshit slotted his little bubble machine into a motor cycle park with ease then sat there watching Doubleback try to park her mini bus size family wagon with the shower ensuite in the back into the last remaining spot tucked away at the end. Thank heavens the beer boys had arrived very early and had the beer wagon set up in the best location out, thus allowing for comfortable drinking to take place later on. ‘Stay on trail because there is a drink stop,’ was the most important instruction given by the Hares. This didn’t stop Hooray from getting off trail in the first 50 metres and having to be redirected by a Hare. Cunningly, I searched for Father Anus, and resolved not to let him out of my sight because he is one Hasher who can get to a drink stop in the shortest way possible, especially when he does a run in reverse.
Down a drain we went and through a large rat hole to emerge into an even bigger drain that went under the road. A T Check saw many Hashers simply going to the side and then forward along what was a lovely trail into the bush. However, T Check means check BACK, not 10 metres to the side and then forward. Back out to the footpath and up a bit before heading into the jungle. Some nice trails and checks kept the pack together, although Boo was seen heading off to the right when the trail definitely went left. ‘Don’t follow Boo.’ He was not sighted for another 15 minutes but unfortunately rejoined us eventually.
Down into a stream for some serious wading, thank heavens it had not been raining otherwise we may have had an experience resembling white water rafting down the Mekong River. Strategically I placed myself 2 metres behind Stiffy and used him as a depth indicator. I thought about using Quickie, but there were too many times where she would have been completely submerged. Lethal Weapon showed that Tasmanians are very comfortable with water and made good progress, while Shoe Shopper also used the high water level to her advantage, but more of that later. Meanwhile, I kept my eye on the water level indicator in front of me, ready to do a mass lifesaving rescue should Stiffy completely submerge. As the water rose to chest deep, Twin Towers was able to convert her assets into a pair of floaties and merrily drifted along. At one stage, the water level suddenly rose dramatically in a wave – was there a storm somewhere sending down a torrent of flood water? No, it was just Malfunktion entering the stream to give a simulation of the effects of global warming on water levels. Bizzie Bush was seen very busy trying hard to keep her bush dry, but had Buckley’s hope. There was certainly more than 1 Wet Brazilian at this stage. As for Wet and Wild and Wet and Ready – yes they certainly were.
Finally a tricky exit from the stream allowed everyone to get back onto dry ground and empty their shoes of the 2.5 cubic metres of sand that had accumulated in them. It was then back on track for some solid running and we shot straight past the army, who offered no resistance at all. Not even the sight of Turbo in her purple tights raised as much as a pistol from the boys in camouflage, let alone them shooting a few loads from their cannons. Some more devious checks kept us together nicely as we made our way through some simply delightful jungle tracks before stumbling across the drink stop that was dutifully manned by the birthday gals. It was then a little saunter back to the car park in an hour. Top stuff Hares!
The Circle
As the Circle was about to start, the GM’s husband took one look at her and commented ‘She certainly enjoyed the drink stop.’
What did we think of the run? Someone must have said
‘Too dry,’ but it we all agreed that this was a very good run.
Tell us about your On On. Perankanan steam boat, just over
there, outside. Watch out for Doubleback trying to get her space wagon out.
Next week’s Hares. Representing next week’s Hares, Stiffy
tells how he got a late call saying ‘we can’t make it tonight, can you
announce the run will be at Telok Blangah Hill, it will be the run of the
year, on on of the year blah blah blah..’ This led to a rendition of
‘Bullshit’ so the pressure is on Give Way and Not Good Enough to perform
next week.
Virgins: Yep, the GM brought along Mel. What did you think
of that Mel? ‘It made me wet.’ Say no more.
Visitors and returnees: Fat Crashing Bastard, Bissy Bush,
Turbo, Malfunktion, AG, Stiffler, Slack Arse, Bagless 2, Forced Entry and
others.
The Tits: Loose Change has a wobble up as she enters the
Circle and tells how she took her dog with her while setting the run,
prompting Virginia Slim to declare that there were too many bitches on the
run. Slim dons the Tits and immediately tries to suck them. (The apron Tits
that is, not Loose Change’s.)
Lipstick: Father Anus for being nice and helping the ladies
with their rear, I mean helping the ladies AT the rear, to get trough some
tricky moments. A G, as a visitor, declares his innocence but to no avail
and cops it on the cheek. (later at the on on, a waitress asked if he was
bleeding!) Loose Change has noticed the Committee is always losing the
lipstick, and so she kindly donates a lovely little red dilly bag to keep
the lipstick in. The question is, will they now lose the bag?
Awards:
50 – Turbo. ‘Off off,’ is the call and she does, just as the GM blocks my
view.
700 – Boo receives a lovely glass/crystal drinking implement. Or is it a
Chinese chamber pot? Well done Boo. Now let’s push the Chinaman aside.
The Dick: Bagless tells us it was a run of missed
opportunities tonight, although I am sure he is not going to miss the
opportunity to give the Dick away. Mr. Potato Head broke all the T Checks
too quickly and with too much enthusiasm, thus missing the opportunity to
lead half the pack astray each time. Mr. Boo missed the opportunity to
charge the Hasher who arrived late and borrowed a bike from a Pakistani
worker to catch up. And Hooray took 1 short cut too many, thus missing the
opportunity to avail himself of the delicious drink stop. As alcohol is our
number one priority on the Hash, Hooray wins the Dick for his lost drinking
opportunity.
AOB:
- Bloodshit has Virginia Slim and Loose Change in. ‘Swim, swim.’ was the command given to Loose Change’s dog, but I can’t read the rest of my notes on where that charge went except it had something to do with the dog licking itself.
- Shaggy Dick asks Slim why dogs lick their balls? Because they can, of course is the reply.
- Along similar lines, CR was looking at the register list and noticed a runner called Lickety Clit, but Lethal Weapon told me she doesn’t come any more. I’ m surprised at that.
- Stiffy said he got a lift to the run with Wet Brazilian. He then told us he got a ride with her, which he then tried to retract by saying he came in the same car as her …. Ok, get on with it! As they traveled from one side of the island to the other, he asked how she will ever find her way home. Easy was the reply, I just go the same way but in reverse. Did she mean she was going to reverse her car all the way home?
- Cock Radio tells how Shoe Shopper had trouble keeping her emergency sheets of toilet paper dry on the run, but then as the water level rose to chest deep she decided there was no need for paper. So as the call of nature occurred, she simply let things take their natural flow, so to speak, as she waded through the stream. But which way was the tide going? ‘Yellow River, Yellow River, it’s in my ……’
- As Sneaky Comer walks into the Circle, Slack Arse vanishes into the dark to answer his phone that had mysteriously rung all of a sudden. It just happened to be Sneaky calling him. How did Sneaky know Slack Arse had his phone with him, and why was he curious to know if it was working or not? Well, as we were wading chest deep along the stream, an incoming sms alert tone was heard coming from the direction of Slack Arse. As the water was neck high on Slack Arse, Sneaky Comer was very curious as to how he possibly could keep his phone dry. And more to the point, who in their right mind would ever take their phone on a Virginia Slim run??? Anyway, his phone still works!
- Kan Not Can asks for the Under 35’s to come in. ‘Do you mean age or IQ?’ asks Virginia Slim. These youngsters think that there is no sex after the age of 50 and they are sent back out. Kamala and Malfunktion are brought in to demonstrate and describe the position they adopted to cross the first stream. Apparently it was very similar to Kama Sutra position 75. Lots of wriggling and gyrating was involved, along with a very moist entry. Dances With Kerbs and Zipp are also in there to show the U 35’s how our generation does it.
- Malfunktion was with the girls and Bloodshit down the back when they encountered a tricky descent into a stream. Bloodshit leads the way, does a flip with a ½ twist and gets out the other side. Well done. Malfunktion decides to copy this maneuver, but does a double flip instead with a 1 ½ twist and ended up stretched out face down in the stream. The girls saw their opportunity and safely made their way across the stream, using Malfunktion as a bridge. What a gentleman. Slack Arse tells us the Hash is a place of extremes. We have fast and slow runners, blondes and non blondes, drinkers and non drinkers…. But before he could go any further, his phone went off, again. Well done Sneaky Comer!! Anyway, back to the drinkers and the non drinkers. Virginia Slim is able to find a beer before the run but Father Anus was unable to find the beer truck. And there were 2 beer trucks tonight. Kamala has Zipp and Dances With Kerbs in for following Boo Boo.
- Mr. Potato Head looked like he was doing an apprenticeship to become a beer truck uncle.
- Zipp tells how Bloodshit had a simple plan to get down a difficult slope. It was akin to a wild boar crashing it’s way through the wilderness.
- Slim asks who reads the newsletter, and 3 people put up their hand. It clearly stated in the newsletter – ‘Not the playground,’ for the run site. The Hares were even standing on the corner with a sign. Turbo and Mother Tongue confirmed this. But Twin Towers managed to miss the sign, front up at the park and ring the Hares to ask why there was no one there.
On that note, it’s On On On!
Scribed by Cock Radio