Circle Report #1902
2nd December 2009The Malfunktioning Shoe Run
End of Chestnut Ave, No wait End of Rifle Range Rd, No End of Chestnut Ave
Shoe Shopper and Malfunktion
The Run
The final confusion on the run site was not quite enough to off load Boo at Rifle Range Rd, but it was a good try Tiger Lily. When I asked Shoe Shopper how did she manage to end up setting a run with Malfunktion, the reply was she was approached at a weak moment a while back – yep, at an on on after a few wines.
With Malfunktion dressed as Wally, as of ‘Where’s Wally?’ fame, we set off along the road, but not for long as trail was clearly marked into the jungle after 20 metres. Of course this did not deter Tiger Lily from going a further 200 metres up the road before realizing only Shaggy Dick 2 was following her.
Home trail was soon seen, but the Hares had warned us to ignore this, well, at least for another 50 minutes. Good use of Checks had the pack scrambling around in some great jungle trails. Out across the clearing on the top of the water treatment plant before diving back into the jungle. Through the Helicopter landing clearing and to the right went the trail, but some wily runners such as this scribe saw an opportune time to stop and tie up some shoelaces that had mysteriously come undone. And would you believe, it was a T check, called just as I finished tying my laces. What timing.
More fabulous jungle trails, Great Checks and T’s kept everyone happy, except for Stiffy who was given a ‘COE to Whinge Even More’ voucher for his 60th Birthday.
These jungle trails are great to run on, you can have a decent stride out in peaceful surroundings (if you can get away from Stiffy, Boo and the GM) without being doubled over avoiding thorns and decapitating branches. I managed to get away from the 3 previously mentioned noise polluters, in fact I had moved away from the entire pack as I was searching on a Circle Check, and all I could say to myself was ‘How’s the serenity love, how’s the serenity?’ I’m not sure if the squirrel quite got my drift though.
An interesting little finish through some up and down terrain and bit of shiggy saw runners emerge out of the jungle where they were confronted by a patrol of heavily camouflaged and equipped soldiers doing sniper training. Well, that was what they said. Truth is they were hiding in the bush on the other side of the Beer Wagon waiting for Goody Bag to strip and shower. ‘Snake in the grass,’ as Hooray would say.
The Circle
Crikey, What did we think of that for a run? Too many snipers? Yep, it was very good run thanks Hares.
Tell us about your on on mate. Red Lantern, $10 for all the usual dishes, including herbal Chicken. Yum. (and 2 tables were filled)
Well what about next week? Twin Towers & Comes Quietly. End of Rifle Range Rd, again?
Virgins, visitors, returnees and other misfits: A virgin on a walking stick, Stiff, Stiffener, Vibrator, Stefan and a cast of several more.
New Member – no. But Wet Patch did join the other week and hasn’t been given a mention yet, so I will throw him in.
Lippy – The Virgin and friends, Boo, Wet Patch, Stefan, Shaggy Dick 2, Maggot and Vibrator. Has the increase in Lippy lads have anything to do with Goody Bag applying the Lippy?
The Dick – Having been awarded the Dick last week for losing the run site on Dunearn Rd, chalking up a $20 taxi fare and arriving back at 8, I had just the person to give it to, or so I thought. Croc Hunter for getting too cocky! On Friday’s run, someone arrived at the start in a Taxi. Croc Hunter immediately burst into howls of laughter, pointing at the taxi and saying ‘Cock Radio, your taxi.’ And he did the same thing tonight. So funny Croc Hunter. So I duly awarded him the Dick and that was that.
But wait, Shaggy Dick 2 is in and tells a further story. Tonight, our chauffeur, Wet Patch, arrived to pick us up at 5.20, as pre arranged. At 5.22, CR is seen outside his classroom emptying the contents of his 3 bags over the ground, shoving it all back in only to throw it all out again. The problem? Lost keys. Eventually at 5.30 keys are found. By this stage, the chauffeur is a tad chuffed as we are now late. Proceeding to the front gate, we found it shut and the security guard nowhere to be seen. The Chauffeur suggests rather urgently to CR that he should get out, open the gate to allow the car out and close the gate again. As the Chauffeur had reached 95kms per hour getting to the gate inside the car park, which is only 52 metres long by the way, I agreed to this rather reasonable request. Opening the gate was not a problem, except I pushed it instead of pulling. This resulted in considerable difficulty closing the gate after the Chauffeur had driven through at 50 kms per hour, in 1st gear. At 5.34, after several minutes trying to close the bloody thing, the Chauffeur had almost worn out the car horn and was driving off without me. I decided it may be a wise move to abandon the gate, so down the road I sprinted and made a flying leap through the back window of the car, which had already reached considerable speed. Gaining my breath, I realized the atmosphere was not the usual jovial one inside the car. Shaggy Dick had buried his head inside a Banter Magazine, offering no moral support at all, and the Chauffeur was now blasting what was left of his horn at a Taxi blocking our way out onto Paterson Rd. I slunk down as low as I could in the back seat and covered my eyes and ears. I still don’t think it is possible for a Taxi driver to do what the Chauffeur suggested he do with his Taxi – it is just not anatomically possible. Why was the Taxi blocking our way? Well, it seems that Lethal Weapon, who works next door, had seen us leaving and was in the taxi that was blocking us – she was trying to get a ride with us. So the Taxi pulls over to let her out and the Chauffeur accelerates to 95 kms per hour in 3 seconds to pass it, giving the Taxi driver some more anatomy lessons and leaving Lethal Weapon high and dry. And where did this lead to you may ask. It led to yours truly keeping the Dick for another week. But at least I found my keys! And I’ll get you next time Croc Hunter!
The Tits – Jack Off has Tits, I mean, she has The Tits, and presents them to Tiger Lily who had no Tits, but now does. Thanks for confusing us all on the actual run site at the last minute.
Awards - nah, don’t think so.
AOB?
· Shoe Shopper tells us how the Hares had penned this site in 3 months ago, and followed it up with confirmation to Tiger Lily 15 times in the last 2 weeks. End of Chestnut. This was not clear enough to Tiger, who still insisted on sending out an email 4 hours before the run to tell everyone it was at Rifle Range Rd. Is she an Asian Blonde?
· Stiffy sinks the boots into Tiger Lily as well. She arrived at the run site on her 2.5 million dollar bike and carefully proceeded to lock it up, wrapping the chain around the upright bar under the seat and attaching to a post. Stiffy pointed out this was not really to secure, as a thief could simply remove the seat by the quick release catch and pull the whole chain off. Realising Stiffy to be correct, she then started again and pain-stakingly wound the chain through the wheels and wrapped it around every bar and fork of the bike possible, finally securing it to the post. Having finished, she then watched as Stiffy simply lifted the bike up, pulled the chain over the top of the post and walked off with her multi million dollar prized possession. Just not your night huh Tiger. Come to think of it, it has not been a good week for anyone with the Tiger name. At least her bike wasn’t smashed up by a 2 iron.
· Zipp was proud to see the pride and joy of the Singapore army assembled in full camouflage gear, ready for a 3-day stay out in the jungle. With these guys to protect her, she could sleep safe and sound at night she thought as they disappeared into the darkness. But wait, Zipp can still some people dressed in camouflage in the Circle, why did they not go off on patrol? On in comes Captain Quickie and Private Goody Bag, dressed in their Hash camouflage gear. Actually I think Goody Bag should be promoted to a Sergeant, as she could make many a male member stand to attention.
· The GM discovered that Stiffy received a GPS for his birthday, thus making him capable of setting the run on the 30th. Well-done Stiffy.
· Sneaky Comer asks a few people why they come to the Run every Wednesday. Some answers were ‘for the exercise, for the women, for the men, for the beer etc.’ Sneaky is comfortable with all these reasons. However, he pointed out, no one comes to the Run to get hounded by 20 questions from Slowcum.
· Stiffy points out that he noticed Cock Radio stopped at a junction of jungle trails as his shoelaces had mysteriously come undone. As everyone went passed him, Stiffy also noticed that CR had his laces tied again just as T check was called 100 metres further up. Just coincidence Stiffy, my lucky night!
· Cock Radio noticed Wet Patch calling for a woman when he found trail at one stage. I happened to be coming that way with Kan The Cobra, and yelled to him that I had a woman. However, Wet Patch completely ignored Can The Cobra and called out to Jack Off to hurry up. He really is the meanest,….
· Vibrator received a lot of sympathy from a female who was very concerned about all the blood oozing from a head wound that he must have sustained on the run. Having lapped up all this attention from the caring nurse for as long as he could with a straight face, he then told his Nurse Nightingale that the so-called blood was actually lipstick. On in Stiffener, we can see why you failed the Nursing School examination.
· Sneaky Comer observed Quickie as she was actually leading the pack at one stage through the jungle. The pace was good, and she was doing a great job keeping the eager males at bay behind her. However, after so long, with all those males breathing down her neck, it became all too much for Quickie and she stepped aside, calling ‘I need a woman.’ Well-done Quickie!
· Wet Patch was at the junior football on the weekend, doing those duties that those with kids do. He then received a msg from the Hares, who were out on a recee. ‘It is pouring rain, we just got back and are sitting in the car and we are saturated and cold. Please bring us dry fluffy towels and warm dry clothes, and maybe a nip of rum. Being the type of person that he is, or is not, Wet Patch dutifully obliged. Arriving at the end of Chestnut he found a car with very steamed up windows and a pair of footprints on the windscreen. Perhaps a bucket of cold water was more in line?
· Shoe Shopper found Crit at a Check, with no one able to find trail. She hinted and hinted to him which way he should look, but he insisted on going the opposite way. Why didn’t he take her advice? ‘I wanted to get away from everyone so I could have a pee.’ But because he looked like he knew what he was doing, everyone followed him and watched him piss until ‘on on ‘was called from the other direction.
· Kamala was told by Malfunktion that he was sweeping and he would look after her all the way. That is a worry.
· Shaggy Dick 2 points out that the Hash is all about conformity, not individuality. So in comes Posh Gash, sorry, Posh Hash I meant, for not wearing Hash Gear.
On on On on to The Red Lantern
Scribed by Cock Radio