Circle Report #1910
27th January 2010The ‘Aussie Day’ Run
Mayfair Park
Maggot, Sneaky Comer & Cock Radio, ably backed up by Lethal Weapon on the drink stop, Royal Right Tit with the vegemite sangers, Shoe Shopper with the Aussie music.
The Run
Setting off on the ‘Run of the Year,’ it was down the grass hill to turn right into the drain between the houses. Boo was not to be fooled and crossed the drain, up the hill and towards the PIE. Father Anus did his best to crack the wooden plank bridge over the drain by jumping on it, but instead he catapulted a visitor who was standing on the other end 3 metres into the air. Eventually runners were coming back out of the drain. Was it a T check that sent them back? No, it was a hornets nest! (There actually was a T further on).
A few runners followed Boo up the hill to the PIE, only to find Boo coming back again. No trail there meant it had to be into the tunnel under the PIE, and it was. Out of the tunnel and up the hill to the right through the forest, only to find a T check. Which meant it was back to the stream. Plodding through the water, Comes Quietly found the pace a bit slow and decided to overtake runners by using a very aggressive stamping action to drench as many runners as he could. His splashes also disturbed a black cobra that had been peacefully sun baking on the edge. You snake in the grass Comes Quietly!
Eventually the stream was exited at a Circle check, finally allowing Tiger Lily, who had been severely checked at the first T, to catch up. Through the bush and onto the Durian Trail for another Circle. Up the hill right along the Durian Trail, before bush bashing out onto Jalan Chantek. At this stage the biggest caterpillar ever seen on the Hash was spotted on a tree, strategically placed right where unsuspecting runners, and Hares, would place their hand for support.
A superb T check to the right on Chantek had the FRB’s puffing their way back up the hill and back into the Durian loop. Then a glorious moment (for the Hares who stood out on the road watching) took place. Into the Durian Loop and taking the fork to the right, the pack then came back out single file after coming to a check and proceeded to take the fork to the left. Only thing was, that was the trail they had just come off 5 minutes ago. Soon they filed back out onto Chantek. Ummm, why is it called the Durian LOOP I wonder? Derrrr. Well done Hares!
Past the reservoir at the end of Chantek and over Rifle Range Rd to the pipeline. And this was where the going got tough. Up the long grass hill of the pipeline, over the top, then ….yes, a T check. Back into the Catchment Trail of Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, and a fairly decent climb up and up. Some big giant steps and some nasty upward checks before the Cave Trail took runners out to the Visitors Centre then back through the jungle towards Rifle Range Rd.
Eventually trail emerged at Rifle Range Rd and into Mayfair Park where a good old Aussie Tradition awaited them. Yep, a drink or 2! Well done Lethal Weapon for the vodka (heaps of it) and gin (a dash) and raspberry on ice awaited us. Served in Aussie Flag cups too.
Hash Maths. This is a new segment, where Stiffy gets to remind us all for eternity what he got for his 60th birthday. According to his GPS, the run was exactly 5.0 km to the Beer Wagon. (how come yours doesn’t supply a satellite picture like Croc O Shit’s?)
The Circle
Crikey, What did we think of that for a run? Run of the year was called by the Aussies, and there were a lot of them! However, I will not let the truth get in the way, and will declare it voted as ‘good run!’
Tell us about your on on mate. On site, Mr. Ho’s traditional Aussie pies. Please don’t put chilli sauce on them!
Well what about next week? There will be a run at 6pm ,it will be at Dempsey and it will be the Kiwis for their big National Day (sorry, can’t spell it guys!) Mr. Ho on site, roast lamb of course. Baaaaaa. (park away from view please). BYO Kiwi joke. Or in Sneaky Comers case, just bring your wife!
Virgins: A couple of virgins sent by Goody Bags. They paid a lot of attention to the vegemite sandwich passed to them by Royal Right Tit. I think they took a piece away for scientific analysis.
Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Front Arse, YBF, Tarnished Image, Big Shaker, Bighead, Santhi, Kumyiz, Crit, and probably a few others I missed.
New Member – Nah. Wet Patch did join the other week and still hasn’t been given a mention yet, so I will throw him in. We still forgot to give him a down down for being a new member, so I will leave him in again. I’m not giving up on this till I remember to get this resolved!!
Lippy – Handbag, Big Shaker and Front Arse
The Tits – Tiger Lily was impressed with the drink stop, but was puzzled by the snake lollies. Why the snakes Lethal Weapon? Lethal replied because there are always snakes in the bush. So Lethal Weapon gets the Tits for boasting about always having a snake in her bush.
The Dick – After holding Fat Crashing Bastards Dick for him all week, I soon saw an early opportunity to get rid of it. On the way through the tunnel, Boo stumbled on a coconut, did a 180 degree spin and then proceeded to slide down the wall on his back and all the way into the water. Ha ha , don’t follow Boo!
Awards - nah, don’t think so.
AOB –
· The GM, recognizing the value and importance that Australia is to NZ, gets all the Aussies in for a Happy Aussie Day. And there is a shit load of them. But wait, she proceeds to hang shit on the Aussies by reading out some very dubious facts and untruths about our great country. I will not repeat such trivial and insulting propaganda about Australia in such a fine magazine as this. All Australians are born….!
· The GM is not finished with the Aussies, and has the Hares back in for using Poofter Chalk to set the run with – yep, pink chalk!!
· Stiffy has Singaporn and Maggot in – something about bastardisation of the English language. I have the words ‘flowering conjugate’ written down, with an arrow from Wet Thong pointing to the former and an arrow from Maggot to the latter. Please read the next dot point before casting judgement on what this all means.
· I must admit that at this stage, the combination of vodka, gin, raspberry and snakes had taken its toll on my ability to write, not that I have much ability at the best of times. The thick marker pen I was using, as supplied by the GM, has not helped my ability to decipher what I wrote either. And maybe because I am righting this on in a coffee ship shop Sundey arvo after won one or free birs and a bottle of white whine is not helping either. Cheers. Burp.
· Not Tonight gats gets the Aussie hares in on a charge of using flour to ground a Qantas flight. Sure beats the usual baggage handlers strike for grounding Qantas.
· Shoe Shopper retells the story of the giant caterpillar that resulted in a lot of pricks in hand. But luckily Nurse Wet Brazilian was on hand to administer treatment to all those in need. ‘All we need is sticky tape’ she announced. ‘Umm, yes, that’s handy info Wet Brazilian, but we are in the middle of the jungle. Where do we get stick tape out here?’ enquired Shopper. ‘ Down your knickers,’ was the reply. Shopper is now worried about just how this gal gets her Brazilian done. Must be extra strength sticky tape to do the job.
· Kan Not Can had a charge involving one of the virgins being worried about snakes getting up her leg in the tunnel and lots of ‘Oh la la’s.’ Well, wait till she gets to the drink stop and she can put a few snakes in her mouth. Oh la la , oh la la!
· Kamala comes in and does a ‘Shut the F*#*k up,’ x 2. Dead silence. She mentioned the 3 lovely virgin gals, 2 were Indians, and were told by their boss to go to the run. Kapita threatened ‘Camera Man,’ (KNC) to bring her friends back or else. KNC brought them all back safely – subject to their post run mental health report.
· Hand Bag was on the way to the run in his car (lazy bastard, think he could at least ride from Pasir Ris) and took a wrong turn where he encountered a taxi of virgins on the way to the run who looked at him, but he failed to recognize them. Keeping with tradition, he then charges himself for failing to recognize a car full of female virgins. Slipping mate.
· Ugly Bum does a ‘Matter of Balance,’ charge. When God created the world, he made Europe first, but he wasn’t happy with it. Too many different countries in it. Then he made America, but this failed to balance things up – too many Yanks. Then he made China, but that still did not make for a balanced world – too many push bikes. And so God went on creating lands in an attempt to find the right balance for the world. Australia was created, but the people there all preferred to sit on the beach and get the Government to pay them for doing it. Finally he made the perfect country, it was just perfect, mountains, valleys, beaches, snow, streams, fish, wine and sheep, it had it all, and he called it New Zealand. But he was worried about it being too perfect and everyone wanting to live in it. So he placed it next to Australia. All a matter of balance.
· Maggot gets in his dumb co hares to tell of their stupidity. Cock Radio for having a map that failed to show half of the trail and Sneaky Comer for putting his hand on the man eating caterpillar. But wait, he also charges himself as a dumb hare. As we set the run, he set a lightning pace and kept muttering about trying to get back before 5.30. And when he sprinted past Mayfair at 5.30, he was surprised to find no runners were here yet. Ohh shit, this is is not the Sunday 5.30 start Hash, is it. What time does a 6 o’clock run start!! Meet dumb, dumber and dumbest!
· Sneaky Comer Likes YBF’s songs adding variety to the Circle. Jack Off will have mastered ‘My sisters,’ song within 12 months. Shaggy Dick sings ‘F#%* Off Americans – can’t remember why but guess you don’t really need a reason for that song. I think Shaggy then was serenaded by YBF, but at this stage things were very cloudy lah. Bloody good drink stop Lethal!
· Not Tonight tells us of a scam that was going on tonight- Sneaky Comer was stung by a caterpillar.
On on On on to Mr Ho’s almost traditional Aussie Pies.
Scribed by Cock Radio.