Run 2658 kicked off from the luxurious playground of Cashew Terrace with an early start that managed to catch several hashers by surprise despite 47 reminders being sent out beforehand. Special note for future runs: please inform our most important operational asset Mr Lim, personally and repeatedly whenever there is an early start. National security depends on it.

Turnout was impressive, with more guests than members appearing for the run. Hash Cash was immediately thrown into battle mode again, marking the second time in just a few short weeks she nearly suffered cardiac arrest trying to sort registrations, collect money, and stop people from pretending they “already paid online”.

The hares clearly woke up feeling violent, treating us to what may possibly have been the longest run in recent memory — reportedly stretching beyond 9km. Somewhere during the suffering, Saliva was spotted enthusiastically breaking checks and even laying additional marks herself.

Eleven did not understand that we are not a bike hash and was seen charging past running hashers in a skinsuit on 2 wheels.

Despite the brutality, the pack charged on strongly into the jungle with ON ONs echoing gloriously throughout the reservoir. At least that’s what we heard. The scribe unfortunately would not know firsthand due to arriving unfashionably late.

Special mention goes to SMYT, who returned second to last after single-handedly dragging half the reservoir and most of Chestnut jungle back with her. Witnesses report leaves, branches, wildlife, and possibly a small family of monkeys emerging behind her by the end of the trail.

The run also featured one virgin hare and one virgin runner, both of whom apparently performed suspiciously well.

Things briefly took a spiritual turn when seven odd hashers were spotted kneeling tightly together head deep in grass in what looked like an intense prayer session.

Ayam Kampong demonstrated admirable dedication by attending the hash before heading off for prayers, showing where the real priorities lie. Hopefully we remain included in those prayers moving forward after that 9km death march.

Back at the circle, Frozen Stiff issued a heartfelt public apology after discovering that Titscutter is in fact not a surgeon.

The evening also marked the long-awaited return of Windy Bar and FCU after a noticeable disappearance from the hash scene. Rumours that they had been lost permanently in previous trails can now officially be put to rest.

Our new member Where’s the Beef is still at on on looking to take someone on after having had too much to drink from all the excitement of joining the Harriets!

Thanks to Father Anus and Frozen Stiff for the trail and food, and to everyone from other chapters who made the perfect life choice by joining us!

On On!