Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘Just 500 Metres From Last Week’s Run Site’ Run .

Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch.

The Run

Mmm, that canal looks familiar. Across the bridge to the other side, only to strike a T Check. There’s Wet Pet standing by the bushes, back the opposite direction, so up to him I ran. But he just thought that was a good place to stand, Cunning Hare. Anyway, eventually into the bush for a Circle in a nice clearing. We spent a good 10 minutes looking forward to a trail that would come out near Dover MRT. But no, it was on back.

Eventually we crossed Clementi Rd, following the canal then crossing over a bridge for a well hidden T that we all missed. Back we go, and why cross the canal on a nice modern concrete bridge when you can cross it by an ancient, dilapidated, condemned, rickety old railway bridge full of holes that threatened to devour Hashers if they took one false step.

Along a drain off Sunset Way and then up onto the old railway track. A slippery, steep exit up an embankment led us back out onto Clementi Rd, which we crossed. A Circle Check then led to something I have never experienced before – Fat Crashing Bastard finding the trail and calling for a woman. Amazing.

It was then into a wooded area for some nice trails that brought us out to the big canal. Down the steps into the canal and left went the front runners. Boo said no way, it will be to the right. Comes Quietly wasn’t so sure and suggested trail could go left. However, our mind was made up when we watched Shaggy Dick 2 go around a large fallen tree in the canal and immediately bend over, thus indicating he was hiding because he had come to a T check. So off to the right we went, following Boo, back over Ulu Pandan Rd and headed for home. Well done Hares, a fine run! Not as good as the run 2 weeks ago, but nice try!

The Circle: The GM called the Hares in, to the reply of ‘You are in.’ Good Run was the verdict.

Tell us about your On On: BBQ back at our place said the Hares, free beer. Very good run then.

Next week’s run: End of Yishun Ave 1, by the dam wall, Father Anus.

Visitors: , Banana in Public, Stiff, Little Stiff, Dominic, Desperate House Wife, Jiggy Jig, Knee Trembler and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………

Virgins: Rick and Lali. How did you enjoy losing your virgin status on the run, asked the GM. A little awkward was the reply from Rick. This brought both Father Anus and FCB into the Circle to make appropriate comments.

Returnees: A pregnant Prick In Hand. As this will be her 3^rd baby since she left us, maybe her name is no longer appropriate, as it is clear the prick has been in other places beside the hand.

Lipstick: Cock Radio and Mr. Potato Head were deemed guilty.

Tits: The Tits have taken a trip to Shanghai with Maggot for the week.

Dick: Having narrowed down the run the Dick went missing on, and having a list of the members in attendance who were possible suspects, the guilty one comes forward. Stiff! He sheepishly says he will go and get it.

20 minutes later, during AOB, Stiff gave the Dick away. It is always wise to do some stretching after a run. However, it is not so wise to do a stretch that requires you to balance on one leg with the other leg up on a railing if you have poor balance. Ayam Zinking was observed falling over as he stretched. Help, Ayam Falling.

Subs are overdue so pay up before Wet Pet and Singaporn rip your bloody arms precious parts off.

Awards – nil

AOB

· Fat Crashing Bastard was indulged in some kwisine cwisine quisine cooking talk with Loose Change when he was corrected on the Belgian beer he was adding to hid dish was not beer, it was lager. Give the beer konisseur connisser expert a note.

· Stiffy wonders if Singaporn should be allowed to drive on Singapore roads as it seems she still thinks she is France. While running on the incorrect side of the path tonight, she had a head on collision and knocked an 8 year old off his scooter.

· Mr. Potato Head saw Tiger Lily not moving at her usual quick and reckless pace. Crossing the old rickety railway bridge, she was treading very wearily because she was scared of falling through and plummeting into the canal. Mr. Potato Head suggested that she was not that skinny. (Besides, her large boobs would have stopped her –CR)

· Wet Patch had an unusual experience at the back of the pack while sweeping. He discovered that a nature study class takes place each week. ‘Look at the new shoots on that fallen tree,’ ‘Listen, is that a yellow-billed finch?’ ‘Look at the lovely moss on that tree,’ and so on. Sign up for Slippery Bum’s Guided Nature Tours.

· Sex Change also saw something he had never seen before on the Hash – A Launching! Knee Trembler was having trouble getting up a slippery embankment. Seeing her predicament, Black Member seized her around the body and launched her into space. She landed at the top of the hill with knees trembling.

· Cock Radio needed the assistance of a Black Member launching at one stage. On going up the slippery embankment, I was unfortunate to have Plunger in front of me. Losing traction, he then plunged backward with his rear end dangerously close to my face. I needed Black Member to give him a launching into space too.

· Deep Throat observed Singaporn showering and changing discretely behind a car. Until the car drove off, exposing our modest French gal and almost giving us some real Singapore Porn!

· Handbag was at the Lion City D&D Committee Meeting last night, when the Chairperson suddenly called a halt to proceedings and dashed off to the bathroom. Result of a dodgy curry? No, Deep Throat had broken a fingernail. ( Lion City D&D, Nov 27^th, Tanglin Club. Stay tuned for further details –CR)

· Not Tonight welcomes back Zipp and Gypsy, noting that by the look of her hair, Zipp has become a Buddhist Monkess. No said someone, she is just imitating her husband.

· Ugly Bum and Ad Naseum, the late comers, are given a late charge.

On on to a fine BBQ, where we proceeded to eat and drink Shopper and Wet Parch out of home. Handbag was even seen seen tucking into a bowl of cornflakes and Chang Beer. Is my steak ready yet Wet Patch?

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Slimey Birthday Gals’ Run

Loose Change, Suzee Wong, consulted by Virginia Slim.

Corner Ulu Pandan Rd and Clementi Rd

The Run

Suzee Wong’s bum was attracting considerable attention as runners gathered in the car park behind the Seafood Restaurant. Was that a muddy skid mark from setting trail or the after effects of last nights curry?

Across Ulu Pandan and into the jungle by the canal. Our virgin girl almost stopped dead in her tracks at the first sighting of shiggy. Ah, my chance to overtake. Single file, over logs, under logs, it was a hard slippery slog up the muddy hill through the jungle. ‘Slip sliding away, slip sliding away…. Are we anywhere nearer our destination….,’ – namely the drink stop of course! Running behind Slack Arse was interesting, he was barely bending to go under logs that I was stepping over.

After lots more slip sliding aways, we reached that little familiar hut settlement in the middle of the jungle where a hard to break Circle was placed. Eventually on straight was called and into more jungle.

Twin Towers, in front of me, called out something indecipherable, I couldn’t understand a bloody word of it. I then hit the ground with a decent thud that registered 2.4 on the Richter Scale after encountering a rogue vine that pulled the legs from under me. Twin Towers, feeling the ground move for her, came back to see if I was ok. ‘You stupid bastard Cock Radio, I called out “Trip” to warn you and you still fall over. Why don’t you listen, you dumb Aussie bastard?’ Thanks Twin Towers, I will enroll in Mother Tongue’s Speak Better English class next week.

Down the steep muddy embankment to the old railway line. Slack Arse and others stayed on paper which followed the ropes down to safety. I was still slightly dazed from my earth moving fall and floundered my way around, sliding and slipping my way down and cursing ‘ I know there is a bloody rope around here somewhere, why didn’t the Hares make use of it?’ Slack Arse, 15 meters further over and abseiling down the rope safely, made some smart arse remark.

The old railway track was wet and muddy, but was nothing compared to the exit point. Wet Thong looked for an alternative exit, but as there was not one, I guess she just ended up with a wet thong.

Across the Malay Railway line and into the jungle the other side onto the newly made bitumen road where the jungle used to be . Say no more. Up to Old Holland Road, a hard slog up the hill, where we finally reached our Holy Grail – yes, the Drink Stop!

Well, on reaching a drink stop, one usually thinks that home is safely just around the corner. Not so if Virginia Slim is involved in a run. Back along the Malay Railway line to the 2^nd Canal. A steep descent down caused grief to Right Royal Tit, who fearing that the 6pm express train to KL was about to pass through exited at too a quick a speed and did a Right and Left Royal Bum Cheek slide down the embankment all the way to the steps leading into the canal. Nice one.

Along the Canal and through the Twin Towers Tunnels. On reaching the other side of the tunnel, a quick 0.253 second memorial for Mr. Potato Head who broke his finger at this spot last year, thus leading to a 550% increase in our insurance premiums. Out of the canal and across the road to Home. Well done Hares, a fine run! Not as good as last weeks of course, but nice try!

Next week’s run: Sinai Rise, 500 metres from here, Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch, On on BBQ

Lipstick: Knobby Boy Scout fell for the old Tiger Lily stop and tie up the shoelaces trick. That’s what you get for tail gating and not keeping sufficient braking space. Wet Patch did something too, although after observing the passionate way the lippy was applied by the GM, I think he did it on purpose! Several males immediately put up their hands and declared they too had erred and should be given the lippy. I suspect there could be a lot of errant males next run.

Visitors: Slack Arse, Banana in Public, Stiff, Little Stiff, Knobby Boy Scout, Krit, Belcher, Ms Belcher, Countess of Anal, King Leer, and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………

Virgins: Heath and Sofie were asked by the GM how they enjoyed losing their virginity. ‘That’s private, if you don’t mind,’ was their quick reply.

Dick n Tits The Tits are back, proudly worn by Fat Crashing Bastard. And as they have been missing awhile, there is a lot to get of his chest.

First up, on discovering he had the fore said items at home all the time, his excuse to Too Easy was about not being able to see the Tits in the dark. He was threatened with no Tits ever again if he raised that in the Circle.

Slip n Slide told Quickie to consider the fact that Sophie is Dutch when considering what size T-shirt to give her – Dutch chest size medium could b slightly different to Asian chest size medium.

Loose Change was seen opening the drink container with her chest.

Maggot was told by Too Easy that he had a big one. Maggot replied that it was actually bigger when he was 4 and a half, it has actually got smaller with age. 4 and a half does seem a tad early to reach the peak of sexual prowess. Oh, they were actually discussing the scar on Maggots arm he received from boiling coffee spilt on him. (That’s why I stick to beer , can’t scald anyone when I spill it -CR)

Maggot wins for having such a whopper at age 4.

The Dick - MIA still, but we have tracked it down to the run it was awarded at, and by whom it was awarded. Unfortunately the member who gave it away has Alzheimer’s, or was rather pissed, and can’t remember who he gave it to. But we have a list of those that were at this run, somewhere close to the car park at the top of Lorong Sesaui, at a run Hared by possibly Lethal Weapon, and by the process of elimination, we will find the culprit! Stay tuned for a public stoning shaming.

Subs are due so pay up before Wet Pet and Singaporn rip your bloody arms off. (ps, can you check if I have paid my subs please, otherwise I will have to adjust the above notice next week -CR)

Awards – 50 runs – Twin Towers, and there were a few very quiet calls out of plain courtesy for TT to remove her top. Most men just kept chatting and sipping on their beer, totally disinterested in what was going on. (Sneaky Comer thought the top was not short enough, but if he had been really Sneaky, he would have sabotaged the top with a few knots or something, thus leaving Twin Towers in a prolonged state of undress.)

250 runs – Yours truly, Cock Radio. The females all went into raptures with loud, hysterical shouts of ‘OFF, OFF.’ I was reluctant to stir up up the females into any more wild behaviour in a public place, but what could I do? On On.

AOB

· Sneaky Comer pointed out that a certain International School in Singapore, close to Patterson Rd, with 3 initials, beginning with I and ending with S, has a new principal. As a result, some teachers there are on the look out for a new job.

- Shaggy Dick 2 could be a Singapore Tour Guide. He was heard making complimentary comments to people, such as ‘You’ve lost weight!’ Then at various stages during the run, he was overheard pointing out various landmarks and places of interest. I believe his personal tour guide of the back lanes of Geylang, Lor 1 to 20, is extremely popular, and well researched.

- Cock Radio is actually going to pursue a career as a teacher, and has finally learnt how to email and knows what IB stands for. (although he can’t spell it)

- Right Royal Tit is going straight into retirement, by the look of him he has already been in a good paddock.

· Wet an Ready, who had been paying very close attention to the previous charge, instead of gulping sipping on her plonk wine and gossiping discussing the run, as she always does, made a rather profound statement – ‘They’re all from the same school.’ Blonde as well. Say no more.

· Give Way and Not Good Enough receive their award from the AGM . Hang on, that was in April. Give the returnees a note.

· Not Tonight – we have not seen the Tits lately. We have not seen the teachers for a while (notice she does not say she has not seen the Dick for a while???) And we have not seen Give Way for a long time. Why? Because they have been waiting for a dedicated Give Way lane on the freeway. Not Good Enough mumbles something about Giving Way all night. Well done Youth Olympic Games!

· Stiffy ran behind Black Member all night and observed him in the muddy jungle, skidding, slip sliding away, tripping, stumbling, hopping on one leg, head butting trees, hugging trees etc, but he stayed on his feet. Well-done mate. But as soon as he emerged from the treacherous jungle, and onto firm tarmac, what did he do? Yep, fell arse over tit over the metal barrier.

· The GM quoted Black Member as saying ‘This was the best run in the last …….. ? years?? Hey mate, what about last week’s Sembawang Run?? Short memory huh.

· Slack Arse has a go at Hash Cash. He knows he doesn’t come often (to the Harriet’s Run, I think he means, but not sure), gives his money to Hash Cash and is asked for his name. ‘Slack Arse’ of course, he replies.

‘Oh, that’s a funny name isn’t it? was the reply from Hash Cash.’ Slack Arse , you need to come more lah.

· Hand Bag complains about the markings that were placed ‘Up the Rude’ (he meant Old Holland Road). Why? – There was a well-made footpath up the left hand side of what is a rather narrow road, but where were all the trail markings? Yep, on the right hand side with no path, forcing runners to head butt on-coming cars. (luckily I was running behind Twin Towers and every on – coming car ran off the road before they reached me for some reason)

· Loose Change charged Virginia Slim for getting carried away with his tool in the jungle, causing possible grievous outrage and bodily harm to his female Hares. Father Anus is also irresponsible as he sharpened Slime’s pharang before they set off.

· Mother Tongue socks it to FCB for making fun of people with Big Heads. But apparently Big Heads have less chance of getting Alzheimer’s. I can’t remember the rest of the charge, sorry. (for further info, refer to www.Mother Tongue @Speak Better English. com. x#* )

· Stiffy, despite being back at work, still has time to read the newspaper , and points out the Wed. Hasher with the $26 million debt. Something about open to the floor and to the rich one. (scribe losing it at this stage, sorry)

· Knobby Boy Scout tried to ask for a date to set a run, but was told by Posh Nash that Hareline is booked up for next 6 months.(where were you last Wed. Knobby,it cost me $55 for bolt cutters to sneak out back gate at work so I could set the run) Good job Posh Nash, very efficient.

· Handbag has noticed that the sun doesn’t shine out of the Scribes asse. Yours truly is bought in for scribing by the light of a strategically placed lantern between my legs. (ok, if anyone wants to hold it for me next week, contact me.)

· Twin Towers then tells a pathetic story about warning yours truly about a trip. (for true version, please refer back to run report –CR) She then grossly over dramatizes the event, falling over in the Circle many times, to a full 360 degrees (thankfully to all the males) and making dubious imitations of me moaning and complaining. (I repeat, for true version refer back to run report)

· Hoo Ray may be quiet out the back, but he has had his eyes opened. He brings in all the females wearing their slinky little black cocktail dresses.

· Virginia Slim heard the girls wondering ‘Is this Knobby Boy Scout or not?’ Well, he has been away all night. So how to tell if it is KBS or not??? Only one way said the gals, get him to drop his pants. And he did. Suzee Wong immediately identified the backside , Loose Change was not sure, but Virginia Slim took one look and cast the deciding vote by declaring that was KBS’s bum for sure.

And on that bummer of a note, On on on to the seafood restaurant just over there

Scribed by Cock Radio. (thanks to Maggot for resuing the notes I left in his car and scanning them to me!) On on

The ‘Sneak Out the Back Gate While the New Boss is not Looking’ Run

Cock Radio

Sembawang Park

Yes, I’m back! After 8 weeks holiday, you now have the privilege of my company again. And what better way of starting things off by having to try and sneak off early to set a run on the 2^nd day of work with a new boss! Posh Nash, are you really certain I volunteered to set this run???? [Ed: we thought it was a funny joke at the time J]

The Run – of the year – the month – the week – this Wednesday

An afternoon tropical deluge ceased in time for a hardy band of Hashers that ventured into the northern reaches of Singapore. A winding amble through the Park brought the Pack to a Circle check down by the water overlooking Johor. Do we need our passports? Many runners believed it would head along the water towards the Canal, including Boo, who headed off to the Mosque and was not seen again. Cock Radio is Great!!

The trail actually came back through the Park and into streets bearing names from the formerly Great British Empire. In and out of Black and White houses, past the Terror Club, up hill and down dale to arrive at a Circle Check next to Jim’s Pub. It was then a sharp U turn back the same direction. Drains, fields, more Black and Whites, steep and slippery descents to finally enter the HDB Fitness Park on the corner of Lentor Ave. After a few chin ups and squats, it was across Sembawang Rd to the grasslands that resembled more of a swamp after the rain. A few runners waded through the reeds and a water hole that was waist deep only to have to retrace their steps on finding a check.

The pathway down to the canal had a strategically placed T Check 100 metres before some rather fierce looking machinery that was undertaking maintenance at the canal. Tiger Lily, however, fancied one of the Bangladeshi tractor operators and ignored the T Check. Almost the rest of the sheep followed her and they made their way past the machinery and

along the canal,despite their being no markings. They decided that the markings had been dug up by the handsome tractor operator.

Anyway, those that actual saw the T then turned back for a leisurely stroll back up Sembawang Rd to home. Those that went with Tiger Lily went home via the mosque, where they would have seen Boo’s footprints, except for the fact they are all blind.

Unfortunately, Boo made it back, thus destroying my chance of Run of the Year.

Well done Hare, if I don’t mind saying so myself. ‘Outsatnding run,’ was also heard from Terry, a visiting Virgin, which just shows that he has impeccable judgement and has an outstanding Hashing career ahead of him.

Next week’s run: Rong Guang Barbeque Seafood (carpark), corner Ulu Pandan Road and Clementi Road, enter from Ulu Pandan Road.

Lipstick: No naughty boys tonight, is this a first? How did Boo get let off as he certainly had no one in front of him the whole way. Mmm, come to think of it, he had no one behind him either.

Visitors: Jiggy Jig (ah, brings back holiday memories of Bali), Trash, Stiff, and a few others I completely missed. Why were they born so beautiful………

Virgins: My new friend with the incredible knowledge of knowing an OUTSTANDING run when he sees one, Terry.

Dick n Tits MIA again, but hope to be back next week. Well, that was from last week and still no sign of them so I am going to go back through the newsletters and track them down. Then I will name names. Remember, a good scribe always gets his Tits. Oh yeah, and his Dick.

Subs are due so pay up before Wet Pet and Singaporn rip your bloody arms off.

Ed: Also, please check the hareline to make sure you aren’t surprised that you are supposed to be setting the run next week. Up to date hareline is always at http://www.singaporeharriets.com, click on upcoming runs. We have a great hareline up until Christmas but after that we need hares. If you haven’t signed up for two runs yet, please do so with Posh Nash.

AOB

· The Scribe commences by asking all car owners to put their hands up, with their car keys rattling. Shoe Shopper immediately put her hand up but there was no rattling noise forthcoming. Sheepishly she came in and gathered the set of keys that had not been collected from the key bag.

· Shaggy Dick 2 suffered an undone shoe shopper lace on the run, so he stopped and bent over to do it up, as you do. While bent over doing his left over right etc, he thought, well this is the Harriets, perhaps one of the girls will give me a little slap on the bottom as they run past. Sure enough, there was a nice firm slap on his rump, just what the doctor ordered. Looking up to see which of the saucy young lassies had taken a liking to his posterior, he promptly fell onto head over heels as Father Anus went past him with a big grin.

· Maggot heard Tiger Lily complaining of a sore arse before the run. However, it did not stop her bending over on the run as well to tie up her shoe lace. Moral of story – People who have sore arse should not stop to tie up shoe lace.

· Shoe Shopper noticed our visitor Bruce wearing nice fresh clothes, but his Virgin mate he brought along, Terry, you know, the guy with fine judgement about Outstanding Runs, was still in his smelly, dirty running gear. ‘Why Terry?’ ‘Bruce didn’t tell me to bring a change of clothes.’ Bruce, you are the meanest,………

· Wet Pet noticed Terry’s web toed running shoes and proceeded to play footsies with him.

· King Lear was cleaning out his home library and came across a book titled ‘Sex in Australia,’ which he decided would be better off in my library. Just what was he doing with such a book anyway?

· Mother Tongue agrees with my thoughts and charges King Lear for having such a book in the first place. Exactly!

· Stiffy commented as it was a rather cool and wet evening, that a cold shower was not the order of the day. Doubleback managed to have a nice hot shower and she didn’t even do the run!

· Not Tonight gives her excuse as to why she and Stiffy were late to the run – they were held up by the Youth Olympic Games Torch relay. More likely Stiffy was following an old flame.

· Shaggy Dick 2 tells how busy the first week back at school is, with new students, new classes, new boss, so much to do. So there he is after work with Shoe Shopper, busy busy busy. And where is Cock Radio?? Busy trying to sneak out early to set the run without the new boss seeing him.

· Jack Off, after chatting non stop with the 2 visitors, discovered that Terry wears his webbed shoes full time, they are like a second skin to him. Here’s to 2 skin,…

· Shaggy Dick 2 noticed Wet Pet getting annoyed by the cars driving through the car park and disrupting our circle. ‘Why can’t they drive the other way?’ she complains. ‘Ummm, maybe because it is one way.’ Suggests SD2.

· Bloodshit suggests a naming for Terry, Two Skins. After debate, it was decided it was too premature.

· Wet Thong has noticed all the girls are wearing flat shoes, except for Twin Towers who stands out in a pair of very high heels.

· Doubleback was a bit confused at one stage when there was a call of ‘Need a girl.’ Umm, this is the Harriets.

· I decided to ask Boo if he would write tonights run report. Of course the answer was no, because after the first Circle he was not seen again and doesn’t know where the run actually went ha ha.

And on that note, On on on to Beaulieu House Restaurant down by the sea.

Sribed by Cock Radio, ah it’s great to be back!

National Day Run

Boo, Quickie, and Father Anus

Cactus Drive

SH3 – Run 1937 Circle Report by Wet Patch

“I’m guilty, I don’t really read the reports that often” – Wet Thong

Thus encouraged, I readily agreed to the GM’s request to scribe.

An excellent run covered in exactly one hour by the FRBs whilst Wet ‘n’ Ready brought home a group of 8 at around quarter to eight; her excuse being that she hadn’t run for a couple of months – one had to wonder how long it had been for the others… Desperation arrived at 7.55 and was told that it was too late to pay guest fees but it was nice to see her again.

The GM called us to circle at 7.59 (not a moment too soon) and the hares were brought in to cries of ‘Good Run’ – thanks once again Boo and Father Anus. On On was next door with the usual Chinese fare for S$12. Here’s to the hares

Next week’s run: Cock Radio at Sembawang Park.

Lipstick: Shirley Temple. ‘You are a naughty boy, aren’t you! said the GM

Visitors: Too numerous to mention all but guest fees gratefully received. A motley crew indeed – why were they born so beautiful. Desperation came is as a returnee and was duly greeted by the usual refrain for being well endowed.

Dick n Tits MIA but hope to be back next week.

AOB

Boo charges Stiffy for having no colour sense on the National Day run. The green shirt is not a shit colour but a timely reminder that Singapore now has a global outlook (red, blue and now green giving it the full spectrum of light ).

Virginia Slim reminded us that green was considered for the flag but was felt to be too Islamic. Singaporeans then atoned for this by having their anthem in Malay. All citizens please be upstanding for Majulah Singapura.

Handbag requested that 3 Singaporeans modify their travelling behaviour (Boo, Quickie, Father Anus). Can pedestrians please use the pavements provided; can the cyclists not ride on the wrong side of the road; would all drivers please turn off their fog lights – there isn’t any fog in Singapore.

Not Tonight observed that Stiff and Stiffy were in intense conversation when the former lunged towards the latter’s shorts and pulled out……a banana. “How big was it?” wondered the GM.

Jack-Off was watching Shirley temple struggling with his briefs after showering and couldn’t get into them – ST claimed he grabbed the wrong briefs. He’s all right….

Bloodshit enjoyed the competition of Jig-a-Jig, King Lear and Phoney Dick on the hash and they duly led the pack with their blinding speed. Just before the finish, however, they were caught by those shortcutting bastards, Tiger Lily and Shirley Temple. Here’s to the athletes.

Bullet head noted that this might be the first time we’ve had three generations on the hash – on in Matriach Kamala.

Slocum call in Jack Off and Shirley temple (who now was looking a bit pissed) and noted that she said “it’s not very big” which Slocum thought was a bit rude until he realised she was talking about the shower….

Stiffy Double Back arrived without her own shoes – perhaps feeling a little relived until Quickie offered hers. Oh f**k. She ought to be….

Phoney Dick Why hadn’t DB learned to speak properly on her holidays?

Handbag called in Kamala’s descendants for getting lost so close to home.

Stiffy calls in the 55+ generation noting that those who were still working lost two years lifespan for every additional year worked – according to this news report. (So you should be dead by now Stiffy?).

Kamala noted that Bullet Head was a true gentleman looking after 5 ladies on the run – what has he got cos’ the rest of the boys all want some (I’m not shaving my head).

Hoo Ray reminded us that it was not 9/8 but 4/8 so we should be celebrating International men’s Day. Handbag noted it was also Gay Pride day.

Father Anus noted that Tiger Lily breaks all the checks in a rather unconventional manner (we haven’t noticed her breaking any checks, have we?). She does it by putting down perfume…..hmmm!

The GM brought the circle to a close at 8.31 PM.

Kan the Kobra Birthday Run

Harding Lane

Circle Report by Deep Throat

Visitors Down Down

Run Verdict: Mixed Opinion – too long, too short, too hilly, too muddy but finally all agreed that it was a Good Run

Next Weeks Run : Cactus Road, National Day Run by Boo, Quickie & Father Anus.

LipStick for Bill, Ed & Bullet Head

Tits : Not around

Dick: Not available

AOBs by:

GM Shoe Shopper to Father Anus for commenting that he misses her unique voice

Wet Pet to Croc Hunter for asking her for direction and then drove off without offering her a lift to the run site.

Legolas to our beer man (croc hunter’s partner in crime) Legolas got bitten by mosquitos and he offered her some medicine. She suggested naming him Medicine Man

GM Shoe Shopper perfumed the Naming Ceremony for our beer man now known as Medicine Man

More AOBs

Mother Tongue to Icibawasan and Kan the Cobra : something about showing her a zig zag route, everything was lost in translation (I will need 5 pieces of paper to write this charge)

Deep Throat to Mother Tongue : for the long story she told in the earlier charge and to keep her future charge story to no more than 3 sentences.

Tiger Lily to Deep Throat : For telling her that I can only swallow if it is hard. ( thanks Tiger lily for twisting that story!)

Wet Patch to Shoe Shopper : For asking a dumb question: where does nest lives while they were visiting Loch Ness, Scotland. Loch Ness of course!

Kannot Kan to Tiger Lily,Shoe Shopper , Ad Nauseum & Wet Patch for asking him for directions when he is not the hare.

Not Tonight to Kannot Kan for shouting on on in the wrong direction.

Shoe Shopper to Kan the Cobra : Happy Birthday to Kan the Cobra

Legolas to Michelle aka O.T.T F for coming in 3rd out of 72hashers in the ball breakers run.

The circle ends with the call from GM Shoe shopper to sing a farewell song for Legolas

This run was at Lorong Sesuai by Legolas and Lethal Weapon, but we have not received a circle report.

The “I Was Having More Fun Three Years Ago” Run

Wet ‘n Wild & Sneaky Comer.

The Far East (Pasir Ris Heavy Vehicle Car Park).

The Run

Quite a small group gathered this evening. Could it be due to school holidays taking many of our members away. Or was it just that Pasir Ris is a f^&cking long way from Bukit Timah Road? Stand-in GM Big Head sent the small pack off to the corner of the car park, where a circle check had 90% of the pack standing around chatting. Eventually the on was found on the corner of Pasir Ris Farmway 2. Over the fence to one of the tiny bits of “forest” left in Pasir Ris to another circle check that had regular attendees checking left. But no, it was back to the road, across the canal, and mass confusion as clumps of Monday paper all over the place had a few confused. With a bit of help from the hares, it was down along another overgrown canal to Pasir Ris Farmway 1. There a circle check was quickly solved and it was down to the beach. More Monday paper and front runners who can’t see lead the FRB’s left onto Monday’s trail, while the rest of the pack saw the T-check on the beach and headed back into Pasir Ris Park. Through the park and up to car park F where a final circle confounded the few people checking until on was finally called in the forest next to Pasir Ris Heights. A last bit of pseudo forest until the pack emerged on Pasir Ris Heights and then on home via Pasir Ris Drive 3 and the canal.

Where’s the GM? The GM is still away so Big Head called the circle to attention at 7:40pm.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? “Good Run” and lots of other rude comments I didn’t manage to write down.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Not present, but the hare’s calculations were about 6km.

Tell us about your on on mate. Summer Nite Breeze Restaurant, Car Park E, Pasir Ris Park.

Well what about next week? Legolas and Lethal Weapon at Lorong Sesuai. On On will be on site.

Virgins: – nope.

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Herr Zipp is a distinguished returnee, welcome back. Also welcome Legolas, Stiff, Lennie (allegedly known as Boxer), Ayam Zinking, Krit, and Deep Throat.

New Member – nope.

Lippy – Ayam Zinking, Hooray, and Herr Zipp. It seems I don’t have to re-type Ayam Zinking’s name each week, might as well leave it here permanently. Ladies, I think there is a bit of persistent abuse going on here.

The Dick – Tiger Lily has the Dick in a bag, enters the circle and puts it on. Says, “OK, the Dick…..” “Ummm, actually, I haven’t thought of anything yet, can we do the tits first?”

The Tits – Father Anus has finally remembered the tits. He has two candidates, “one for each boob”. For the first candidate, he says that while the hash has no rules, some must really learn to run the fookin’ hash. Who could it be not following trail and thereby causing confusion among some of the Harriets? Boo of course. Sneaky Comer is called in as the other candidate, for not picking up the 20 tons of Monday paper near the trail and thereby causing more confusion. By a very narrow (perhaps slightly rigged) vote, Boo gets the tits.

The Dick – Tiger Lily is ready now. She was chatting with Wet ‘n Wild (during the last charge, maybe)? Anyway, Wet ‘n Wild has been doing some Pilates which she happily reported train “ALL the muscles of the body”. Tiger Lily thinks this will make Sneaky Comer happy so Wet ‘n Wild gets the Dick.

AOB

· Handbag calls in the Dog Lovers. All the FRB’s managed to run into a big pack of dogs (ed: while they were off trail). On in Stiff, Tiger Lily, Krit, Ayam Zinking.

· Boo asks Tiger Lily who is the new Prime Minister of Japan. Tiger Lily is not too sure. It turns out he has relatives on this hash, on in Kannot Kan and Kan the Kobra, who get a drink with Tiger Lily to celebrate their relative in high places (ed: Naoto Kan).

· Boo, who clearly had little to do this week, takes out the Straits Times and points to an article about an Australian man, who after having a little to drink, jumped a fence to sit on the back of a 5m crocodile. The Australian was lucky to escape with bites on his legs (ed: http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/World/Story/STIStory_553398.html). On in Sneaky Comer for being an Australian.

· Mother’s Tongue first wants Boo in the circle for pre-empting her (twice) when she was trying to get in the circle.

· Mother’s Tongue now has the hares in the circle, congratulates them on their third anniversary, and waxes lyrically about a lovely run – fields, beaches, sunsets etc. Thanks hares, have a drink.

· Legolas has the hares in the circle for not pickup up paper (Monday’s perhaps).

· Wet ‘n Wild has an immediate grudge and has Legolas in for picking up paper too early and confusing the back runners.

· Zipp reminds the Harriets that there are a lot of new regulations on the hash, but of course no one takes any notice. She thinks the stand-in GM, Big Head, should set a better example. Her crime: going into the area behind the car park with a piece of toilet paper. The sign she ignored? “No Dumping”.

· Hooray calls in the Ball Breaker runners from Interhash. Handbag, Krit, and Kannot Kan. (Kamela is surprised that Kannot Kan did the Ball Breaker). Krit apparently turned back at the airport.

· Hooray has more Interhash news, and in this case dobs in some short cutters on the Quadripartite run – Stiffener, Kan the Kobra, and Quickie.

· Sneaky Comer points out that last week we got a beautiful American Day T-shirt decorated by one of those famous red signs that we always obey carefully on the hash. So when we got to a red sign on this hash, did Big Head check behind it? No, the run must go somewhere else, she was thinking. Give her a note for note taking her own advice.

· Big Head has Sybil in for front running.

· Sneaky Comer overheard his wife saying that “on this day three years ago, I was having a lot more fun”. Give the reluctant hasher a note.

· Zipp has Deep Throat in for not wearing a hash shirt, but thinking she can get away with a “Hashmina”.

· Hooray points out that Michelle has been on the phone for quite a while during the circle, so there is a potential hash naming. He is not sure what that name might be, and says the issue is “open to the floor”.

· The pack is sure we should wait for a naming so the circle proceeds while we wait for this 30 minute phone call to end. Herr Zipp calls in his “Mum”, Zipp, who welcomed him back after a long absence by calling out “Prick” at him all night. Is that any way to treat your long lost son? Zipp retorts with ”You don’t bring me flowers..”

· Handbag has geometry on his mind, as he starts talking about types of triangles: Pythagoras, golden, Bermuda etc. Anyway there was a triangle of sorts on the run tonight. A Singaporean translating New Zealandish for an American: on in Boo, Big Head, and Wet ‘n Wild.

· Zipp announces that Kampong Hash is on this Saturday but she has no idea where it will be.

· Kannot Kan brings Lennie in the circle. For some time Lennie has been known as Boxer, due to an incident in the Sportsmans with a Scottish lady. However, Lennie has never been officially named this way, so the Harriets correct this, with Big Head doing the honours. Lennie will forever more be officially known as Boxer.

· Michelle has finally returned from her phone call. Various names are tried including “Love You Long Time”; and Boo is particularly keen on “Open on the Floor”; but in the end Michelle is officially named “Open To the Floor”.

· Big Head charges Boo with playing with his nipples. Boo retorts that his Mum never tied his hand.

On on on to Summer Nite Breeze in Pasir Ris Park.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

The ‘Yankees go Home, or at least get out of our Park’ Run

Big Head and Virginia Slim.

Sengkang Riverside Park.

The Run

Once again we had plenty of visitors and returnees, on their way home from Interhash. We also had a couple of frustrated hares who had been chased off from their favourite run site by the new rules. And we had a GM who was nervously looking at her watch every few minutes, could it be that she had somewhere else to be? So after some basic trail instructions, and a “good luck” to three virgins in white shoes, we were off down under Anchorvale Street to the traditional circle check in the pagoda at the top of the park.

This being a Virginia Slim run, best choice for the on was across the canal and up a slippery slope and so it was. Then, of course, down to that stinking, festering pond where an obstacle course had been set up – a cut down tree provided a bridge and a piece of loose rope gave false hope to many who thought they could get across feet dry, but more than one ended knickers deep in the festering pond. Great entertainment. Stiffy was heard to complain (unusual) that he was behind some fat bastards at the pond crossing and he was worried the “bridge” would be suffering wood fatigue, but I can reliable inform him it had been load tested to 2T! (If you could stay upright with the loose rope, that is). Some more meandering trails got us out onto Anchorvale Street again where we (well some of us anyway) crossed the road at Kupang LRT station and then found our way into the woods between Anchorvale and the TPE.

More meandering around in the woods until we finally emerged at the dog hotel, a traditional drink stop, for a lovely concoction of Gin, juice, and fruit, the baying of hounds and the bites of fleas. On home through the bottom of the Sengkang Park.

Where’s the GM? Having run the run, our GM disappeared to get on a plane (needs to pack apparently) so left the circle in the capable hands of Big Head. The circle was pretty noisy so Boo piped up with “listen to the old lady”, for which he and Jig a Jig got a down down for rudeness.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? “Too short, too many fleas” etc etc. Virginia Slim reports that the 4^th of July is “British Thanksgiving Day”. Very good run – a drink stop is always a winner, especially when the hare is the one running the circle.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Maggot hash maths actually suggested 4.5km.

Tell us about your on on mate. On site, Mr Hoe’s “melting pot” of not necessarily American food: lamb, falafel, pitas, chips, salad, apple pie and ice cream.

Well what about next week? Wet ‘n Wild and Sneaky Comer’s anniversary run will be as far from a National Park as possible, at that exotic location, Pasir Ris Heavy Vehicle car park. Big Head was not impressed and gave Sneaky a down down for boring location [editor’s note: at least we won’t get arrested].

Virgins: – welcome Rubby (sp?) and Loretta. [Editor’s note: Zipp, stop being so cruel, tell your virgins not to wear their virginal white shoes].

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: welcome Sunny, Vibrator, Deep Throat, Pussy Galore, Cervix with a Smile, Youhou, Alouette, Jig a Jig, King Lear, Shiggy Piggy, and Ayam Zinking (who the GM finally caught during the on-on, pay your guest fees Ayam). Special welcome to returnees Walkie Talkie and Careless.

New Member – nope.

Lippy – Ayam Zinking, Handbag, Vibrator, Boo, and YouHou were the naughty boys tonight.

The Dick – Tiger Lily forgot she had the Dick so she gets a down down. Perhaps she couldn’t see it at home?

The Tits – Father Anus also has forgetfulness disease. Please bring out tits back!

AOB

· Suzee Wong is upset with Virginia Slim. She notes he is drinking wine tonight, which is fine on a Harriets run but recently, on the Seletar 30^th anniversary, which HE organized, beer was available at any time but wine wasn’t available until after the circle. Boo volunteers for a sympathetic down down with Virginia.

· Vibrator has been in Australia for a month. “When do you go back” was asked. He notes that Australia now has a female Prime Minister but this suits the Male Chauvanist Pigs in Australia because they can pay the woman less for the same job a man was doing a month ago. Maggot is the representative MCP.

· Mother’s Tongue observed experienced hasher, Ad Nauseum, tripping and falling in spectacular fashion, doing an acrobatic curve and roll. Well done.

· Twin Towers calls Big Head in for letting Ayam Zinking spend the circle texting on his phone and then disturbing Tiger Lily.

· Handbag charges himself – he admits to lipstick, pushed the girls aside to get to the drink stop first. But in his defence he says he was first to arrive and last to leave the drink stop, so of course he needs another drink.

· Fat Crashing Bastard calls in Comes Quietly. At one point in the run, Comes Quietly called for a woman but was not satisfied with Twin Towers as a front runner and he wanted someone faster. Twin Towers was incensed at this and she pointed out that she was able to run very fast “horizontally”. Here’s to the horizontal joggers, they’re true blue.

· Sneaky Comer needs legal advice for this next charge and believe it or not, he has found a good lawyer. Boo was able to get an important case deferred so he could go to Interhash. Now that’s a good lawyer. So Boo is called in to observe. Sneaky met Caryl Gurney, the Harriets founder at Interhash, and they had a good chat about the history of the club. Caryl is pleased that the club is going well but she feels there are too many men, and those men certainly shouldn’t be doing hash roles like scribing. Fortunately, the committee is stepping up this year, Sneaky overheard Too Easy and Stiffener fighting over who should be doing the washing up (of the beer mugs) tonight.

· Ugly Bum points out that male chauvinism is alive and well on this hash. Speaking to an associate member, she was complaining about being photographed on the hash, because sometimes the photos don’t represent her as “gorgeous”. Shiggy Piggy didn’t express enough sympathy or surpise, apparently.

· Big Head notices at this point that Ugly Bum is wearing an English hash shirt on an American Day Run.

· On a British theme, Not Tonight reports that “having a Queen” costs every British Citizen 62 pence per year ($4,500 USD at current exchange rates). So Ugly Bum and Handbag get a note for supporting the Queen.

· Mother’s Tongue saw another trip on the run tonight. Fat Crashing Bastard tripped right in front of Boo, who reported that “it wasn’t a pretty sight”. Both of them get a drink.

Awards – Big Head is “honored and pleased” to present a 300 run award to Virginia Slim since he has given her “so much pleasure”.

On on on to Mr Hoe under the park pavilion.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.