Run Report #2129 19/03/2014

The Flat Knob Run

Hare: Knobby Boy Scout

Run Site: End of Zehnder Road

On On: Rangooli’s Indian, South Buona Vista Road.

The Run:

5:55pm, the pack was gathered at the end of Zehnder Road and there was no hare in sight. Luckily Cock Radio was away or there might have been a mad scramble to set a live hare run. Numerous visitors fresh from Hainan Interhash kept the GM preoccupied, until about 5:59 along came the hare, peddling his bike feverishly down the road dropping toilet paper every 20m or so.


Hmmm, a hash set on a bike. “This isn’t the bike hash”, exclaimed Stiffy, who looked a bit forlorn that he hadn’t worn his lycra today. Knobby further built our spirits by letting us know he had no time and had to both recce and set the run today, on his bike. He then proceeded to do a long chalk talk (explaining his markings), and advising there was a short run of 8km and a long run of 11km. Far Canal, I think a few people decided to settle in at the beer truck.


Anyway, the next instruction was that there was an invisible circle check at the run site, so off we headed looking for trail. Having seen the hare coming haring in on his bike just before the circle, it was a fair bit the run started 180 degrees away, so off we went, finally finding trail heading out to Science Park road. A sneaky t-check up a steep hill brought the pack back together, and then it was back down Science Park Drive again.


At this point our eyesight failed a few of badly and we unintentionally (I think) ended up on the long run winding its way through NUS. Out onto Clementi Road where eyesight failed a few of us again and we ran straight past the arrow pointing us to Clementi Woods Park. Error rectified, we were down to West Coast Road, at which point we could have followed trail over West Coast Road to the park, but we chose to make the long slog along West Coast Road back to South Buona Vista and finally home. Phew. A long run….


The Circle: The hare had disappeared after the run, presumably to have a shower at home, or perhaps to do some “house cleaning”, so Jackoff called the circle to order and called for next week’s hare. “Do we have a run”, she asked? Well yes, but only because some people stepped in at the last minute to help out. She proceeded to give a stern lecture on the spirit of hashing, that if you agree to set a run you have to do it or find a replacement, not just back out leaving the run uncovered, and leaving the committee scrambling to find a new hare – this usually results in the committee having to set the run.


With the circle suitably chastened (or not), the hare had returned and we returned to normal business.


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A bit “long”. A bit flat. A bit hot. Set on a bike. But Good run declared, and thanks very much Knobby, who is not even a member, for setting a run for us.


Tell us about your On On: Rangooli’s Indian, $16, on South Buona Vista Road. We noted that 99 South Buona Vista kitchen has been the victim of some NIMBY behavior and fined for putting tables in the “parking lot”. Seriously, cars and their drivers are destroying all that makes Singapore great. Hopefully sense will prevail soon, or another great eating spot is destroyed for parking lots.


Next Week’s Run: Last minute stand in hares Jackoff, The Boxer, and consultant Penile Extension will set the run from Ang Mo Kio Industrial Park 3, Block 6006, behind the Motorola Building [this is different from the location announced at the circle].


Guests: welcome Buttwiper, Dragon Breath, Bugle Boy, Foot Fettish, Joy’s Hut, Veronica, XYZ, Tipm, Licken Z Dickens, Poo Bag, Carol, and Paul.


Returnees: not that we recall.


Virgins: Yes, Harmon a military lad had unfortunately gone by the time he was called.


Lipstick: Stiffy, Buttwiper, Foot Fetish, XYZ, Paul, Comes Quietly.


Tits: Wet Brazilian has the tits and announces that she is not making a charge but making an act of kindness. She was talking to a Harriet who knows she is getting a shirt award today, but she doesn’t want to take her top off to receive it. Never mind, that Harriet can get the tits to cover her embarrassment, on in Lost Marbles. She is chorused to “Flash Your Tits for the Boys”.


Dick: Not Good Enough has the Dick and has enough candidates to tax the three committee members helping The Boxer fill the beer cups:

  • Tipm, who apparently has to come before her husband, XYZ, along with Paul, The Boxer, and a visitor, who all got a drink.
  • One of our near regular visitors, who has been with us for four weeks already and still can’t wear a hash shirt.
  • Knobby Boy Scout did a big chalk talk at the beginning of the run. NGE was impressed that he must have kept getting off his bike to lay all the chalk down. So WTF, when we got to all those circle checks, weren’t they broken? He had his bike, couldn’t he have fixed the checks after the FRB’s went through?

However, the Dick goes to a Harriet who sidled up to NGE at the end of the run – “I have a charge for you, about Not Tonight’s shorts – it looks like they fit very well on one cheek at least”. The Harriet was then silly enough to tell NGE she doesn’t like coming into the circle so that’s why she was passing the charge on. Forced Entry gets the Dick.


Banana Protector: Father Anus, not here.


Awards Lots and lots and lots – it is getting near the end of the year so the On Sec obviously has to empty her cupboard:

  • Dances with Kerbs: 600 runs
  • Kan the Kobra: 200 runs
  • Suzee Wong: 300 runs
  • Not Good Enough: 300 runs
  • Give Way: 300 runs
  • Goes Down Easy: 50 runs, and she is a sport to accede to an “off off off” call.
  • Kannot Kan: 200 runs
  • Sneaky Comer: 300 runs



  • Bugle Boy has been doing some research on the Harriets. He was nice enough to send the On Sec the charge after the run, since the scribe couldn’t keep up:

    Do Wednesday Night Hashers “finishing” habits predict their Saturday night finishing habits?


    My research shows:

    • The virgin. Finished early, left early.
    • Licking Z Dikin. The sailor finishes wherever and wherever he can.
    • Butt Wiper. The ex-soldier takes great pride in finishing well before all of the women.
    • Wet Brazilian. The experienced hasher. She finishes when she damn well wants to. She even will make the other hasher stop half way through the run to go to have a pee.
    • Kannot Kan. The sneaky one. You rarely can find him during the run. Somehow, he is able to finish before the ladies do.
    • Goes Down Easy. The helping hasher. Waits for others to finish before she does.
    • Jack off. The screamer. She screams 100% of the time after she finishes.

All these “finishers” get a drink.

  • XYZ asks Not Good Enough to put the Dick back on. He is genuinely a dickhead for not being able to tell the difference between falsies and genuines.
  • Tipm points out that Suzee Wong not only came late, she was also not screaming and sitting in the circle.
  • Foot Fetish was near the front at one stage, unusual, and running behind Goes Down Easy when she suddenly stopped, leaving him in a lipstick vulnerable position. Give the sneaky front runner a note. [Ed: mate, that is an oldy but a goodie – apparently there is a secret Harriets initiation ceremony that we associate members are not privy to – they are all taught to stop "short" and catch us in front].
  • Dragon Breath is in to point out she came before Buttwiper AND she is a screamer. But that isn’t the charge. Knobby Boy Scout came to her run last Sunday, very concerned that it would mess up his run today. Dragon Breath wants to know what the fuss was about, the run was nowhere near the same (although perhaps he could have picked up some tips).
  • Stiffy reminds everyone that he saved some people from the parking police last week. Including Comes Quietly. So having been given a big hint, why was Comes Quietly’s car being ticketed after the onon.
  • Comes Quietly follows up with a grudge – Stiffy, you obviously didn’t put enough coupons on the car!
  • Goes Down Easy charges Knobby Boy Scout for copy catting and putting a circle check at the start of the run. [Ed: actually that move is © Sneaky Comer, and you will all be hearing from my almost good lawyer soon].
  • Knobby Boy Scout was cleaning house today and found some bracelets that he wants to bestow on two Harriets:
    • Dragon Breath had a very nice G&T stop at her run, so it is only appropriate she gets the “Tipsy” bracelet.
    • Poo Bag is a fashion statement tonight, so she is awarded a “Ruskie Babe” bracelet.
  • Not Tonight alerts the hash that both she and Stiffy were virgins once. The people responsible for changing that were Joy’s Hut and [ed: sorry lost the other name], along with Not Good Enough and Give Way. Give them all a drink for promiscuous behavior.
  • Wet Brazilian thanks Knobby Boy Scout for handing out presents but has a few clarifications she needs from him:
    • If you were so busy that you had no time to recce and you had to set the run on a bike, how come you had time to clean house.
    • And, in any case, doesn’t “Cleaning House” have a particular meaning for the male of the species? Ie masturbating.
  • All the men who acknowledge they know what “cleaning house” means are brought in for a drink: Bugle Boy, Not Good Enough, Kannot Kan and a few others.
  • Sneaky Comer arrived at the run tonight thanks to a lift from Comes Quietly. As we drove up, we saw Tipm’s husband and SC remarked “I know that guy, what is his name again?” to which CQ replied “ABC”. Nope, it is actually XYZ, you are at the wrong end of the alphabet. Further to this, Jackoff is accused of pronouncing his name wrong as XYZee rather than XYZed. Stiffy is called in as a linguistic consultant but takes too long and is told to F off.


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer


A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

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