The ‘Haves and Haves Not’ Run
Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch
The gates outside the British Club
‘Need a fast woman to lead off down the hill’ was the call to start the run. And rocketing off was Loose Change and Not Tonight. Onto Jalan Kampong Chantek via wood plank and concrete steps – whatever happened to the days of risking life and limb jumping the drain and sliding down the slippery embankment on your bum to end up in the middle of the road at the bottom?
Under the pipeline was a T, leaving those unfortunates to plod back up Chantek under the PIE.
A little detour through some bush that served as a rubbish dump for the bordering houses – even an old chair had been thrown over the wall.
We then took offence to the next part of the run, as we followed the wire fence line right around the reservoir at the top of Jalan Kampong Chantek. In fact someone suggested we went 2 times around, as one bit of fence began to look like all the other bits. You know those green wire fences, they all look the same to us.
Gypsy called ‘Someone’s peeing on the trail.’ A visitor pissed off by being so fenced was taking a leak.
Eventually an escape was found out onto Rifle Range Rd, where a tricky check saw me stupidly follow Stiffy’s instructions to keep checking further up the pipeline trail hill until I reached the summit and disappeared over the other side out of sight. Of course trail went in the opposite direction back up Rifle Range road.
500 metres behind the pack, I then heard voices calling ‘Are you?’ and saw Tiger Lily and Father Anus, late comers, emerging from nowhere. Despite being called by Wet Patch to ‘Stay on trail Cock Radio,’ I did the gentlemanly thing and waited to show them the way. Unfortunately, once Tiger Lily caught up to me, she did not wait to show me the way. Japanese gratitude huh.
Off R R Rd and into the Durian Loop, which then had a bit of a bush bashing loop to the stream. May have pushed NP guidelines slightly!
Back onto the Durian Loop, but not long before another lovely little bush trail further tested the NP tolerance levels! But what a great view towards the city from the top of the hill. For reasons known only to me, and probably Wet Patch, I was in the lead at this stage, following Not Tonight, and what a pleasant, enjoyable part of the run it was.
Until Tiger Lily and Shaggy Dick 2 came crashing down the trail behind us, completely destroying the serenity!
Onto Rifle Range Road, again, and then we went a bit batty. The smell of the bat colony under the PIE at Mayfair Park was ordinary, though the bats probably thought the smell of 40 sweaty hashers passing under them was ordinary too.
Through Mayfair Park, up the hill, across the drain, up another hill, into the housing estate to finally take the climb back up the road to the finish, outside the gates to the British Club.
Well, I enjoyed that thanks guys, great use of a tight area. (So the nun said to the bishop apparently.)
Next week’s run: Aussie Day Run, Bukit Browne Cemetery. Please show respect. Refrain from any reference to cricket.
Lipstick: Ad Nauseum, Krit & a visitor
Visitors: Lost Our Souls, Hairy Hard On, Krit, and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………
Dick n Tits No Tits. Unusual, as it is a ladies run.
The Dick - Jack Off is holding the Dick for Slowcum, as all good wives do. 3 candidates.
1. Boo, but is excused on a technicality.
2. Ad Nauseum for watching fellow Hashers follow clearly marked trail, while he deviated off on his own and called out to the others ‘Are you?’ Trying to have his cake and eat it too.
3. Handbag, at a check, called repeatedly ‘Need a woman,’ while Wet Brazilian, who he had been running with, stood next to him.
Awards – none
· Impossible charged for being neglectful in his role of Friday Hash Cash and not paying his guest fees by the time the circle had started.
· Wet Pet followed Posh Duck’s advice and went down. Wet Pet’s face went slightly red after much heckling from the Circle on saying this. Anyway, she couldn’t find trail, despite going down, because Wet Patch had picked up the paper, as we should in NP. Moral of story – don’t leave it too long before you go down or you may not find what you were expecting.
· Wet Brazilian explains how Ad Nauseum came to get Lipstick tonight. At a Check, he called ‘Need a woman,’ and continued running, despite the fact that Wet Brazilian was on the way. His excuse to her was ‘If you can’t run fast enough to keep up, then I’m not waiting….’ In the words of Twin Towers, ‘Bastard!’
· Ugly Bum comes in for a grudge charge on Ad Nauseum, who is obviously being a serious bastard tonight. He had complained that he was too tired for any sort of nocturnal bedroom activity all week, but didn’t hesitate to race off to run the Hash without her. ‘Bloody bastard!’
· Tiger Lily overheard out on the run that Right Royal Tit’s wife told Shaggy Dick 2 that she was pregnant. Umm, why was SHE telling him that news and not Royal Tit. Let’s wait and see if the baby is a red head or a shaggy head.
· Handbag called in a Scotsman, Ad Nauseum, (he must have wanted a bastard Scotsman) and wonders what the state of the Scottish National Soccer team is when they have a player by the name of David Goodwilly. Could be fun in the showers after a game – don’t drop the soap. Bastard of a name I reckon.
· Zipp calls in the Old Farts having a birthday, Wet Pet and Gypsy.
· Stiffy was confused about the run (as he is always talking and not listening, this is no surprise). Is it the Australia Day Run? He sought clarification from someone who should know, an Aussie, but was further confused by his total lack of knowledge. And Shopper, a Hare, was wearing an Aussie Shirt. Just getting warmed up for next week.
· Ugly Bum points out how Shoe Shopper had trouble remembering a certain person’s name tonight. She stumbled out with ‘Err, ummm, um, you know, what’s his name.’ Yes Shoe Shopper, we do know his name. It’s your partner and Co Hare tonight, and we all call him Wet Patch. We suggest you remember his name too ok.
· Wet Patch comes in for a further grudge on Shoe Shopper. It was he that was carrying the bag with all the flour, paper etc as they set the run. On a tricky little section, he slipped and knocked his knee, but gallantly told her he could continue on, it was only a little swelling. Shoe Shopper’s reply – ‘Well that’s normal, a little swelling is all you ever get.’
· Kan Not Can charged Shoe Shopper for deliberately trying to mislead him with Circle Checks. (You did a shit job SS, he made it back-CR)
· Shaggy Dick 2 came in to give this run an official naming – ‘The Haves and the Have Nots Run.’ All the haves, ie British Club members, went inside for a nice hot shower with little bottles of shampoo, fluffy towels, robe, piped music, masseuse etc all supplied, while the Have Nots scrounged a bottle of water from the beer van and washed in the gutter out on the street.
· Not Tonight noticed Stiffy propositioning young women tonight, and despite their rather direct hint that they did not want him anywhere near their bottom, he still insisted on asking them if they wanted to come into the British Club for a shower with him. ( I like your style Stiffy, never say never! CR)
· Ugly Bum is concerned with the erring gents tonight. But she charges Boo, who has blamed it on the women for causing the erring gents. (Boo, all the males like your style!- CR)
· Handbag noticed that Wet Brazilian has a happening blonde hair moment. This is the reason why Stiffy asked her to shower with him in the British Club – he just wanted to check if the drapes matched the floor covering.
· A rather flustered Stiffy thanks Handbag for his ‘help’ in getting out of a tight
· Deep Throat gives the Lion City 1500th Run a plug, March 3rd, Lorong Lada Hitam. Be there or be square.
· Gypsy has found a true blonde. Mother Tongue, after showering, went to Gypsy and asked him for a comb or brush she could borrow for her hair. Yeah, right, Gypsy carries a bagful of these. Duh!
· Don’t forget the Burns Night Run , Jan 29th. Bit of running, lots of whisky, haggis and bawdy poems. Could even be some tossing
of the caber. Kan Not Can for details.
Scribed by Cock Radio. On on to the British Club.
Thanks to all who scribed in my absence.