The ‘Keep in Step’ Run
Gypsy, Zipp, Dances With Kerbs, Kamala
‘If you go down in the woods tonight, you’re in for a big surprise…’
Well, it turned out there was no Teddy Bears picnic in these woods, but there was a big surprise for patrons of the Sakura Restaurant as they arrived and were confronted by a motley looking group of Hashers in their car park. The arrival of a parking inspector threw drivers into disarray, (is this a relation of Hooray?), even Phony Dick up-ended his chair in a mad rush to get a coupon on his dash. On seeing all this mass activity at cars, the inspector realized what people were doing and decided there was no point in proceeding further and promptly turned around and rode off. This left Phony Dick whinging for the rest of the night about what a waste of a coupon.
Anyway, Dances With Kerbs set us off, and the front runners headed up a set off steps to do a little loop, bringing them almost back to the start and thus allowing Goody Bag to get in an extra 3 minutes of stretching. A little gallop around the woods, but not for long as we emerged onto Clementi Rd. T Check and back over the bridge (yep, steps) into NUS, where we mingled in quite well with the students. Steps, steps and more steps. By this stage our virgin guest had blood everywhere, prompting some anatomical comments but absolutely no sympathy.
Front runners took a footbridge over a little valley to some steps, allowing short cutters to go directly up the grassy hill instead. FRB’s and short- cutters then discovered they had one thing in common -They had all reached the same Check. Back over the foot bridge it was, more climbing, more looping, and then more severe climbing involving steps, drains and embankments that took us up onto Kent Ridge Drive.
Wet Patch had found trail further along the Drive, but didn’t have a woman to continue. By a stroke of good fortune, I found a young lass out on a training run who was heading in the right direction and so I called on on , as I got my second wind. A bewildered Wet Patch stood with mouth open as we zoomed past him, then he turned and tagged along, dragging a few other males as well. A good pace was then set by our Mystery Woman, who turned out to be a Triathlete just back from competing in Australia. Ai ya!
Along Kent Ridge Drive we ran, having watched triathlete gal head off into the sunset. It was then we headed down into the woods for a big surprise, but still no teddy bear’s picnic. Down a very steep hill through the woods with a rope hand-rail for safety. The only problem was that the rope ran out after 10 metres, leaving us in a fair degree of peril for the remaining 390 metres. Worse was to come – a final set of steps that slanted forward and down, creating a build up of momentum when combined with the already severe forces of gravity led to some serious soul searching about life insurance policies and wills.
Having safely negotiated it to the bottom safely, there was only one thing that could spoil the sheer relief of still being alive. Yes, a f#*#ing T check! Lethal Weapon led the way back through the woods along the side of the hill. Even with a lusty group of men breathing down her neck, she threaded her way through the woods, bounding in and out and avoiding all the roots that could have come her way.
Emerging from the woods, runners came up a set of steps back onto Kent Ridge Drive to find they had just done a big treacherous loop through the woods. Over the road and down steps into NUS again, with Shopper leading the way out onto Pasar Panjang Rd and over for some drain running. Walkers, wounded, fatigued, and the cunning headed up Clementi Rd to home, while Front runners the hardy ones and clueless ones crossed over Clementi Rd and continued on. Eventually the back door to Clementi Woods was spotted and home was in sight – except for a hill that was in the way and we had to negotiate another set of steps. Stiff and yours truly took a cut across the fields, only to fall into a mine field of ankle snapping holes.
Back in an hour and a bit, most of runners in close together due to great checking and short cutting opportunities that had been carefully thought out by the Hares. Well done, great stuff!
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Too flat, not enough steps. Darn good run, thanks Hares.
Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Being an urban run, Toy Boy did not have his toy out tonight. However, Toy Boy 2, Maggot, had his out and I can tell you it was an 8.5 km run, with 1,239 steps thrown in for good measure.
Tell us about your on on mate. Japanese Bento box from Sakura. Chicken or salmon.
Well what about next week? Shoe Shopper and Sneaky Comer, end of Rifle Range Rd, Anzac Day Run. on on Red Lantern.
Virgins: Kaitland, daughter of Great Balls of Fire.
Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Posh Duck, Trash, Krit, Stiff and Vibrator and possibly a few other odd bods.
New Member – Sex Change and Confused.
Lippy –Wet Patch, who pleads for leniency as he claims he had been called on by the Hare, Boo, and Mr. Potato Head who ran by himself past 6 markings after a check before he decided to turn and call for a woman.
The Tits – We had a pair of Tits tonight, with Forced Entry and Virginia Slim both in to give them away. Slim tells how he was approached a few months ago by a fellow American, who told him ‘We must plan ahead for our July 4th Run.’ Ok replies Slim. A few weeks ago, the same American approached him again and said, ‘We must plan ahead for the July 4th Run. Good idea agreed replied Slim. Tonight, he was approached again – yes, same person, same suggestion. In you come Big Head, a great idea but it is now April and if you don’t do something it will be July 4th and you will telling Slim, ‘We must plan ahead for next year’s July 4th Run.’ Take the Tits!
The Dick – Wet Patch looked at the Dick for some inspiration and came up with a Hairless theme.
First there was Gypsy, a Hare, who called ‘On On,’ a record number of times for a Hare. In fact a record number of times by anyone ever. Really, we were Hareless, as Gypsy was behaving more like a front runner than a Hare.
Then there was Hooray for trying to cause disarray to the run by nearly causing the FRB’s and others to miss the double back section of the run. (Wet Patch lifted Hooray’s cap, sure enough, he fits in with the Hairless theme)
Finally there was Great Balls of Fire, (no lifting of cap needed here for the Hair connection) for getting here late and failing to take proper care of his virgin daughter, who had spilt blood before he even arrived.
And the winner was Great Balls of Fire (I think)
· Boo charged Not Tonight, it was funny but Jack Off was whispering in my ear and I missed it.
· Stiffy plays the role of School Discipline Master and charges Jack Off and Doubleback for having a private conversation.
· Slowcum thanks Jack Off for 7 lovely years.
· Stiffy then questions Slowcum about the 7 years only – what about the years before they got married??
· Slowcum retaliates by claiming that he actually said 7 lovely years of marriage and comes over to the scribe to check the notes. Sorry Slowcum, of marriage, was not recorded, and we know that the run report is always 100% accurate.
· Zipp felt guilty as she arrived too late to set the run, and there was Gypsy all filthy and sweaty, while Kamala was totally exhausted and unable to stand up or even greet her with a wave. It was Goody Bag who came to the rescue with her magic spray she bought at Tackyshemira. With a quick spray, the 2 Hares were instantly rejuvenated. Wow, amazing, what is that spray Goody Bags?? The reply – it is Hare spray, designed to bring dead hares back to life and give them a permanent wave!
· Hand Bag asks Lethal Weapon if she is missing something. Lethal does a quick body search of herself, but fids everything seems to be intact. What about your lipstick asks Handbag. Lethal pulls out the lippy, and sure enough it is missing it’s lid. And of course Handbag has found a lid. Is it the one? Yes, it fits, it fits.
· Not Tonight is in on a serious note. Disgusting displays of affection are not tolerated in some countries, take Dubai for example. The Hash will also not tolerate such blatant disgusting displays of affection, so on in Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch for making bodily contact during the Circle. They are then sent to opposite sides of the Circle.
· Virginia Slim –Seletar 30th anniversary run, June 26 and 27, $100 all up. For the 2 days, running will comprise 3% of the time and 97% drinking. BYO berocca and panadol. Check the web site for details.
· Hooray thinks Kaitland was deserving of sympathy tonight. She arrived alone early and looked rather lonely – ‘are you ok?’ she was asked. Yes, I’m going to run, I’m waiting for my father. He’s late. Aww. Then she runs and falls, spilling blood everywhere. And still no sign of dad. Double aww. She finishes her first Hash, tired, battered and bruised, and still no sign of dad. Triple aww. Finally Dad finishes the run after arriving late and is told his daughter fell and has multiple cuts and bruises. Does Dad give his daughter sympathy? Nope, Dad simply says to give her a beer and she’ll be ok. Great Balls of Fire, the sympathetic Dad.
· Mother Tongue became rather confused when she thought Great Balls of Fire told her that he had been dying, which surely would be deserving of sympathy you would think. But no Mother Tongue, he said he had been diving, not dying!
· Shoe Shopper saw Cock Radio find trail after a check and take off up Kent Ridge Drive with a lady leading the way, as should be the case on a Harriet’s Run. However, as she was 50 metres back, it took her a while to realise that the lady that I had found was not a Harriet but a girl out on a training run for her next triathlete. Need a woman!!!
· Good Bag then charged Cock Radio for doing a Penile Extension and Stiffy impersonation in his shorts. Well, she was a good looking lady that triathlete! Anyway, what are you doing looking at my crotch Goody Bag??!!
· Lion City AGM, May 1st, Track 7 off Mandai Rd. Run at 5.30, $50 for guests gets you a good run, beer and wine for the night and Mr. Ho’s beef and salmon with creamy potatoes.
On on On on to Sakura take away Bento box.
Scribed by Cock Radio.