Run Report #1979 25/5/2011

The ‘Wet Patch’ Birthday Run.

Hares: Wet Patch & Shoe Shopper

Where: Portsdown Rd

On On: The Colbar

The Run

Black and White Houses are the in thing for 2 runs in a row. The Hares spelt out clearly that we should all stay on trail, as it is a short run anyway. So at the very first Check, Tiger Lily takes a group of 4 misfits the wrong way, thus missing ½ the run.

The rest of us looped around and in and out of Black and White houses, across drains and gutters, up hill and down dale until we eventually came to the Malay Railway Line. I should clarify about going ‘across’ drains, as Stiff, rather than gliding gracefully across, stumbled like a 3 legged elephant into a gutter and almost did his ankle, and this was only 5 metres after leaving the safety of the car park.

The female Hare continued to give guidance to runners with a sharp eye. A zig zag course had us make about 6 crossings of the train tracks. Twin Jugs nearly ended up in Malaysia at crossing number 4, as she was not keen to step back from the tracks, despite our frantic calls that the 6pm train to KL was about to come thundering out of the tunnel at 100kms. And to rub it in, someone flushed the toilet just as it went past her. This was not the sort of training she was after.

A check under a fly over had us guessing, nearly as much as our wondering what a police motor bike was doing under there. Kan The Kobra tried to tell someone that the police have a new radar gun that they point up and can detect speeding cars on the road above.

I checked forward along the railway line with Boo & Stiff but found nothing. However, looking into the distance way over on the left was what looked like paper hanging from a tree. And looking to our right, there was paper way in the distance attached to a canal railing. So do we go left or right? Neither, we went straight! Along the railway line, to find a Circle and runners approaching from the left. So my checking took me to the right and down to the paper on the railing by the canal. Of course.

On reaching the end of the canal, there was a check that then took us back along the other side of the canal, before dropping into a drain. It was at this stage that we picked up a couple of Tiger Lily’s lost misfits who were lurking around – Cherry Picker, Sneaky Comer and Shaggy.

Up the road and into the car park, 55 minutes for front runners, and about 6.2km.

The Circle: Tonight it is Big Head who takes over as acting GM, and she shows she has not lost it either. Did she ever have it?

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Yep, it was good alright. A good training run, I thought.

Tell us about your On On: Colbar, chicken curry, rice and chips. Subsidised by the Hares, thanks.

Next week’s run: No where near Bukit Timah Rd. East Coast Park, Car Park F2, approach from Bedok end of East Coast Park Service Road.

Visitors / Returnees: Camel Humper, Belcher, Veggie Queen, Stiff, Malfunktion, Cherry Picker, Totally Unacceptable, Butt Wiper, Woodbridge, Mad Sex Change, Welsh Git and possibly a few others.

Virgins: No virgins when we started, but we had a virgin by the time we finished. How is that possible? Amber comes in, complete with F#*k me shoes. She says she is a friend of Zipps, and immediately Gypsy is in with an arm around her, claiming that any friend of Zipps is a friend of his.

I noticed that Amber did not have a Hash shirt on, and I took mine off to give to her to put on. She refused on the grounds that it was too smelly. Actually, she looked better in the top she had on anyway.

Lipstick: Damsel Humper, Cock Radio, Sneaky Comer, Cherry Picker, Butt Wiper.

Tits: I recalled how a number of weeks ago at Boo’s Birthday Run, Virginia Slim sprayed his cream all over the Tits. Despite being washed and aired, they still stink of his stale cream. As Slim is not here, Forced Entry takes the smelly Tits and is told to control Slim on where he sprays his cream.

Dick: A Dickless run again.

Awards – Zilch


· Wet Patch thanks all those that sent Facebook birthday greetings, and then charged Tiger Lily for getting lost at the very first check and missing half the trail. Short cutter.

· Cock Radio called in the triathletes who competed in Bintan. (I heard that Batam was better for sport?)Camel Humper, who came ninth – not bad, a good number. Tiger Lily who came first, a very good number. Could anyone achieve a better finishing place than that? Yes, Shaggy Dick 2 who managed to come in 69th. Coming in 1st is easy, just make sure no one is in front of you. Coming in 9th is a bit more difficult, you must make sure there are 8 other runners in front of you. But to ensure there are 68 other runners in front of you so you get 69th takes real skill. Well done Shaggy.

· Fat Crashing Bastard heard Stiffy say ‘Give me the French one and I will put it in.’ Was he looking at Singaporn when he said that?

· Mother’s Tongue reckons that Fat Crashing Bastard was talking cock on the run – at a particularly difficult section he was heard to say ‘it’s as slippery as a Croatian’s tongue.’ How does he know how slippery a Croatian’s tongue is?

· Deep Throat did not know it was Wet Patch’s Birthday. His reply was that she was not on his Facebook. ‘That’s because you have not accepted me as a friend, I am still waiting.’ Retorted a rather chuffed Deep Throat.

· Malfunktion starts his charge by saying ‘I was running along…’ and was instantly drowned out by a chorus of “Bullshit, bullshit….’ Good try Mal. Anyway, he was walking/plodding along and Too Easy told him ‘It was too hard, it has not been this hard for a long time.’ What’s going on Fat Crashing Bastard?

· Butt Wiper reckons that if you carefully studied Shoe Shopper’s eyes at the checks, you could detect which way the trail went. Eye eye.

· Fat Crashing Bastard – does he have illegal contraband in his shorts? – believes the Danes have gone too far in their fight against terrorism by banning Marmite. Actually, I would ban it too; every good Aussie knows that vegemite is far superior.

· Kamala, with lots of arm actions, told us what a beautiful night it was, almost perfect, but where was the drink stop we were promised. Shoe Shopper told her that this is it.

· Jack Off has been doing some observing and gets Malfunktion and Camel Humper in. Look at the similarities. Yes, definitely, it’s Malfunktions long lost love child.

· Cock Radio discovered that Stiffy was not the only runner to come to grief on the slippery rocks last week. Stiff also took a tumble. And to prove it was no accident, Stiff found himself almost doing his ankle in a gutter tonight, only 10 metres after leaving the car park.

· Sneaky Comer gets the Assistant On Sec, Deep Throat, in for consistently turning up late to the run and making excuses about not being able to find the run site. How about checking the web site map?

· Finally, The GM brings the virgin in for sitting down. Does anyone have a nice smelling shirt to give her?

On on to the Colbar for curry chicken n chips.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

"I  feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re
going to feel all day. "
~Frank  Sinatra

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are  tougher, smarter, faster  and better looking than most people.

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