The Very Close to a Church Run.
Hares: Posh Nash, Lethal Weapon, Singaporn
Where: Dempsey, car park behind St George’s Church.
On On: Botak Jones, formerly known as Dempsey Hut
The Run
Asked to talk about the run, Posh Nash looked a bit bemused. “Well, what is it laid on?” asked the GM. “Flour, chalk, and toilet paper” replied Posh Nash, with a look on her face suggesting “aren’t they all” was the thought passing through her mind. So, we are ready to go, at 6.01, are we? No, wait a moment – Maggot steps forth and reminds the circle we have had a few injuries recently. Please step forward anyone who has been a little careless? Well Cock Radio busted a knee a few years ago but lately has some problems with his feet. Shoe Shopper has been teaching so hard she blew her eye out. And then, of course, there is Shaggy Dick Too who slipped over a grave two weeks ago and disclocated his shoulder. So Maggot, being a denizen of safety, decides the hash needs a safety briefing. Shaggy Dick Too is required to don all the required safety equipment – a safety harness, a hard hat, eye protection, and shoulder padding. Once this is done, Maggot passes around a brochure showing what can happen if your safety harness is too loose and you fall. See http://www.gearplus.com.au/tips/oh-and-s/harness-balls.htm if you missed it (p.s. the web page has a warning not to look if you have a weak stomach, which is a little late if you have already opened the page, so I add it here…you have been warned).
So, with everyone safety briefed, off we go up the Harding Road embankment to a circle check. On on to a T-check on Loewen Road has us a bit flummoxed until on on is called up towards Dempsey Hill. A loop of the hill and then back down the stairs to the footy pitches which are nicely waterlogged from recent rain. Trail heads up the nature strip to Peirce Road, but it doesn’t seem likely to me, which is reinforced by a guilty look from Posh Nash when I remark it can’t possibly go up there. Flour is quickly found behind the cricket ground and we head up the path between the black and whites to the pipeline and onto Kay Siang Road. I am thinking this run is likely to be a bit short, until we find we have to turn right, along to Margaret Drive, and then up the path to Ridout Road for a long slog up the hill, down again, around the front of Dempsey and home.
The Circle: The GM is resplendent in F&^k Me shoes tonight.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? “The run was as short as the hares”, remarks Boo. Good Run, thanks hares.
Tell us about your On On: Botak Jones (used to be called Dempsey Hut), al a carte.
Next week’s run: Not Good Enough turns up in time to tell us that he had a good run sorted out, at which point his wife interjected and “suggested” they run from Dairy Farm Road, old car park near the corner. Quite a bit of discussion ensues, at which Not Good Enough reminds the circle that “if you want my opinion, my wife will give it to you”. Since then it transpires they can’t do the run next week, so have swapped with Stiffy and the run will be at Pepys Road, second car park from top. This will let us know who reads these newsletters or checks the web site, won’t it.
Visitors / Returnees: Welsh Git, Trevor, Tracey, Hash Bunny (Frankfurt), Trash, Totally Unacceptable, Bagless Too. Hash Bunny says the run is better than Frankfurt. Trevor remarks that there wasn’t enough chalk (thanks Trevor, 3 weeks in we appreciate your expertise). Welcome all.
Virgins: Clair came but then ran away. What is the use of a virgin that runs away?
Lipstick: Hooray, Wet Patch, & Maggot get the lipstick. Then it is pointed out that Cock Radio was in at the run site before the first woman, so he gets lipstick as well. That he never left the run site is irrelevant.
Tits: No tits are in evidence but Kannot Kan dashes off to fetch them. [Ed: members, you are supposed to wear your badges of honour (Dick or Tits or both) from the beginning of the circle, not hide them in your bag. In the good old days, you also had to wear them during the on on and on the bus ride home]. Kannot Kan calls in Posh Nash but she doesn’t notice, too busy talking. Another attempt and she realizes she is being called. Posh Nash is responsible for the hareline. She is very diligent in reminding members they need to set two runs (minimum) per year. Perhaps a little too diligent for Kannot Kan: Posh Nash approached Kan the Kobra and told her she hadn’t set a run for a while and it was time she did. Kan the Kobra pointed out that “a while” is an interesting definition for two weeks ago [Ed: 5 weeks, but who’s counting]. Posh Nash tried again with Kannot Kan who also remarked he had set the run 2 weeks ago and was setting 2 more. So the Joint Mattress (hareline) gets a drink and the tits for not reading her own hareline.
Dick: Absent, still with Deep Throat we believe.
Awards – nope
Hash Wedding
The circle was informed that one of our long term members was having a secret celebration this weekend – his wedding. Cock Radio is called into the circle and dressed in Australian attire (as if he wasn’t already) and joined by his lovely bride Tracey, attended by her lovely bridesmaid Handbag. Shaggy Dick Too, presiding as vicar, first gave a lame excuse for not being appropriately dressed; he informed the circle he was told of the wedding too late and his vicar’s outfit wasn’t back from the cleaner’s. Shoe Shopper was called in for a drink for her cross dressing fantasy that Shaggy Dick Too had a vicar’s outfit in his closet ready to go at a moment’s notice.
Shaggy Dick Too then commenced the ceremony in an pseudo Irish accent that quickly degenerated into some weird combination of Yorkshire, Somerset, and Singlish. His most important question to the bride was “WHY? Why the f^&k are you doing it love?” Cock Radio is, after all, a lovely man but he is falling to pieces!
Sybil bursts into the circle and objects that he has seen Cock Radio with many women, none of them Tracey. But it isn’t time for that bit yet so she is ushered out to hold her peace.
The vicar introduces the lovely bridesmaid and reminds Handbag that the vicar always has first dibs on bridesmaids.
Now is the time to ask if there are any objections and Kamela again wonders why Cock Radio should be allowed to marry. There is no reasonable answer so Cock Radio and Tracey are joined together by handcuffs and pronounced hashman and wife. Cock Radio is then required to remove Tracey’s garter using his teeth, which completes the ceremony. And so ends a lovely hash wedding which is only partially marred by someone losing the keys to the handcuffs.
AOB:
· Not Good Enough informs the circle that Loose Change is in pain because she had her wisdom tooth removed. Not Good Enough thinks it is a miracle of modern science that not only was a piece of wisdom found in Loose Change, but that they were able to remove it.
· Hooray wants Shaggy Dick Too and Too Easy in the circle. Weren’t they seriously injured only a few weeks ago? So how come they are running tonight. Give them a note for sympathy invoking faux injuries.
· Handbag asks us to cast our minds back to the 2000th run. Remember those fantastic shirts, and the lovely surprise that they were individually customized with our hash names (those who returned their forms on time did, anyway). Well Handbag recently opened his and found one small flaw, which he demonstrates by putting it on over himself AND Not Tonight. A sight to see and he wants Loose Change in for the shirt design. [Ed: mate, if you order 7XL and then lose a ton of weight what do you expect?]
· Wet Pet has a bone to pick with the hares. Not only does she feel the markings were quite spread out (“but we used 75 pieces of Jumbo chalk” one of the hares protests); she was also running with one of the hares at one point when the hare remarked “you know, I am not sure I am on trail”. Give the directionless ones a note.
· The GM has Wet Already and Trevor to task for shagging snogging in the circle.
· Shaggy Dick Too wants the “snogging leggy blonde” back in the circle (that would be Wet Already). SD2 points out that Shoe Shopper has been teaching so hard that her eye has exploded. So Wet Patch has been off with another blonde, Wet Already, who went all the way over to Wet Patch’s work to meet him. Wet Patch and Wet Already get a drink for misbehaviour.
· Sneaky Comer wants Wet Already and Trevor back in the circle. He observed Trevor, a new hasher who looks very fit, staying behind and walking with the old, fat, and infirm rather than running with the FRB’s as he should. Why? Well he was being very solicitous to Wet Already, helping her over drains and pointing out soggy bits she should avoid while on the run. Sneaky Comer has seen this sort of “fresh couple behavior” before and points out to Trevor that it is unlikely to last. If you want to see your future, observe first Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch who are still pretty lovey dovey in the circle. Observe next a couple with a bit more time together, Give Way and Not Good Enough. Sneaky Comer reminds Trevor of Not Good Enough’s comment earlier in the circle “when you want my opinion, my wife will give it to you”! All the loving couples get a drink.
· Wet Patch piles on to get Wet Already nicely tipply – when they arrived at the run site, he asked Shaggy Dick Too to fill up his water bottle while he finished changing. Wet Already rushed in and said she’d do it. “Here’s to the bitch…” calls Shoe Shopper.
And on that note, it’s on on on.
Scribed by Sneaky Comer