The ‘Di Sini Dalam Penjana,’ Run.
Hares: Forced Entry & Virginia Slim
Where: Jalan Penjana, off Margaret Drive
On On: Two Chefs, 116 Commonwealth Ave
Party Notice: Valentine’s Party, Saturday 25th February, House of Stiff, Seletar (see Posh Nash for tickets, selling fast).
The Run:
‘How do you build a crane? was the question pondered by Not Good Enough and Cock Radio as they gazed at the skyline dominated by a multitude of cranes on top of construction sites.
‘Do they put them together lying on the ground and then sort of lift them up?’
‘Well, they just can’t get some skinny Pakistani worker to lift them up there can they?’
‘Maybe if they got a few of them, a couple of lorry loads of workers?’
Comes Quietly was then asked to join the conversation, and suggested ‘Perhaps you can buy them at Ikea, complete with assembly instructions?’
‘Ahh, perhaps then they are migratory cranes from Europe, it is very cold there at the moment?’
‘Maybe the first crane just lifted the 2nd crane up, which then lifted the 3rd crane up and so on?’
‘But how did the first crane get up there?’
‘It just sort of got up there. You know, the Crane Creation Theory.’
‘But if they are Swedish Ikea Cranes, perhaps they got up their by migratory bird droppings?’
‘Or on a floating coconut? With a very high tide of course.’
‘And they do look a bit different from other cranes. Not all cranes are the same. Have they evolved?’
‘The Crane Evolution Theory?’
‘Yes, the fittest of the species. Only the biggest and strongest cranes remain.’
Well, the 3 of us had no idea until a building site expert, Maggot, was called in and gave a technical explanation about jacking them up from the bottom and other stuff we could not understand.
[Ed: heard from a moderately funny comedian – Ah, the crane, the national bird of Singapore].
Well, while I don’t know much about cranes, I do know that the Harriets have a pretty good run every Wednesday. And tonight was no exception.
Tonight’s run commenced at the former, and now demolished, Queenstown Remand Centre, and no doubt some of those Migratory Cranes have their eyes on the vacant block as a potential breeding site.
Highlights included a lovely little garden setting trail at the start, Stiffy being bombarded by golf balls thrown by mischievous runners on the old driving range, watching the various styles of getting over a high locked gate, Shaggy Dick Too calling for a woman and getting a dog and a bitch instead, some old trails not visited for a while, including one where we passed Boo going in the opposite direction, some more familiar Dempsey trails, Maggot declaring with a boastful snigger that a turn off to the left would be an obvious T Check and then he headed off in completely the wrong direction and finally a mountain climb to the drink stop, and having to have to dodge a dehydrated rampaging bull running downhill to escape the evils of the demon drink. Oh yeah, the Margaritas and Mexican dips were pretty good too! Thanks Hares, good stuff.
The Circle: The GM, stalling for time, tried to tell us that she never gets out of order when managing the Circle, and got an immediate ‘Bullshit, bullshit…’
Shaggy Dick Too, who was looking a little thirsty, then received a bottle of water from Maggot. Nice thought.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A good drink stop run. Forget the run next time.
Tell us about your On On: Two Chefs, Commonwealth Ave, $10, free beer, best Cantonese in Singapore.
Next week’s run: The Fall of Singapore 70th Anniversary Run, which coincides with my birthday (and no, I am not 70, smart asses). Hares Cock Radio & Kitchen Rat, Sembawang Community Club.
Visitors / Returnees: Wait A While, Baki Hatan, Numb Balls, Aiyo Yo, Totally Unacceptable, Marianne, Bagless 2, Bags, David, Knobby Boy Scout, Impossible.
New Member: Nope.
Virgins: David
Tits: The GM was on borrowed time to start the run as she had to borrow some running shoes, was on further borrowed time in starting the Circle so Cock Radio decides she should borrow the Tits for a week.
Dick: Penile Extension, still abusing his pussy with it.
Lippy: ‘Respect for the old lady’ was the call. Stiffy, Boo, Gypsy, David the virgin, Handbag and Shaggy Dick Too for leaving the drink stop without a woman (or water).
Awards – Nope.
AOB:
- Mother’s Tongue is offended by Virgin David. He has ignored her Haberdash stall and is still not wearing Hash gear, so she makes him remove his shirt. ‘Turn around, turn around,’ shouts an excited Not Tonight.
- This reminds the GM that there was a visitor running without his shirt on, brings him in and gets him to remove his shirt as well. We then have a before and after comparison of the 2 shirtless guys.
- Speaking of beautiful bodies, Handbag removes his shirt and shows how much weight he has lost by getting out his xxxxxL 2000th Run shirt, which has been taken in by Loose Change, and shows that there is still room in it for both him and Not Tonight at the same time.
- A visitor then gave us the good oil on the Gulf Hash taking place at the end of the month, hosted by the Desert Hash. Try a Google [Ed: Bing please] if interested.
- Twin Towers was showering in the vicinity of Stiffy, Maggot and Comes Quietly when Knobby Boy Scout showed up naked and flashed his bum. No, not at her, but at the boys!
- Maggot produces a lost property pile from his car. One Aussie Rules football that gets returned to me, and a pair of men’s long pants. What was a pair of men’s pants doing in the back of his car? Ah, Sneaky Comer’s allegedly.
- Forced Entry gets a Happy Birthday, Haineese version, and the GM uses her Tits to shield the candles from the wind.
- Slowcum wondered that with so many wonderful women at the run, why do the male visitor and his virgin boyfriend have such a natural affinity for each other?
- Tiger Lily tells us that not only the GM have no running shoes tonight, she was the last member to pay her subs this quarter.
- Hooray points out the bravery of Totally Unacceptable turning up on a crutch after being stretchered out of the jungle on last week’s men’s run with a rather severe injury.
- Shoe Shopper reminds everyone that the Harriet’s accept everyone on the Hash. Except for poofters. And Kiwis. And colostomy bags.
- Jack Off has bandage on one knee. I could not work out why, if it was carpet burn, why it was only on one knee. Perhaps the other knee was on the coffee table???
- Kampong Hash, AGM, been and gone perhaps by the time you get this. Sembawang, 5.30 11th Feb. [Ed, actually if you read this the minute it arrives, put your running shoes on, and get cracking you might get there JUST on time].
On on on…..
Scribed by Cock Radio.
ADVICE FROM RON – A RETIRED HUSBAND
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think that is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR’S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on July 24, 2010 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.