The Birthday Run
Hares: Mad Chinaman, Too Easy, Stiffener, and Quickie.
Where: End Lorong Lada Hitam. (off Mandai Rd)
On On: On site Boxer
The Run:
It’s been a while since Wednesday has run from here; in fact it may even be virgin territory for a few new members. The first run took us a long way down the proverbial garden path and all the way back again after we came to a T. The second run then commenced, and it was into the jungle, only to be held up by a long line of runners trying to negotiate a bit of shiggy. ‘Be a man and jump,’ shouted Gypsy to the women. In fact, Gypsy was very vocal tonight, offering all sorts of advice. And all of it totally ignored.
A combination of jungle trails, made paths, Circle Checks and T’s kept the Pack together pretty well. Father Anus and I managed to find paper at one stage that wasn’t ours apparently, but we recovered well. Shoe Shopper fell for our little trick and took a track to the right, despite paper clearly marked all the way along the track to the left. Speaking of tricks, Wet Pet pulled a swifty also, by politely standing aside and directing a couple of Associate Members coming back from a T into a nice little trail and then calling for Lippy because we were the first runners. Nice one.
A double T Check at the bottom of a steep hill meant 2 things. Firstly, it meant a steep bloody climb back up the hill again. Secondly, it meant that runners were not meant to miss the T and run through it, as they would probably end up back on trail quickly with a short cut. There may have been 2 runners, who shall remain nameless, who preferred the second meaning, so after the others had crawled their way back up to the top of the hill, they ran through the Double T and sure enough they were quickly on paper. Allegedly.
Around the fence line for a Check, I managed to convince Shoe Shopper, Stiffy, Shaggy Dick Too, and the GM, that instead of going all the way back into the jungle and being stuck at the end of a single file line, we could go down the long grassy hill and link up with the front of the Pack. However, the linking track was a bit overgrown and hard to see. While Shaggy went into the undergrowth exploring, I decided to go all the way to the bottom and take the road to the left. The other 3 were left with a dilemma – to follow Shaggy into the rather uninviting undergrowth or follow me on a defined road. Unfortunately for them, it was not their day and they followed me. We eventually got back onto paper some 2 ½ kms later, with not even the walkers in sight, while Shaggy had found the front of the Pack after 50 metres. You win some and you lose some. Oh well [ed: run the fookin’ hash then].
A welcome sight awaited us just short of home – a Champagne drink stop with heaps of Champagne. ‘Drink up,’ called Boo as he kept topping up our cups, ‘I want a funny Circle.’ A great birthday cake went down well too. And just to prove that you should not drink and ride a bicycle, 2 of the kids in the group that rode through the drink stop crashed into a fence 100 metres further on. And that was just from the smell of alcohol.
The Circle: The GM was safely returned after a little bit of a lost factor crept in; luckily she kept her cool and trusted me to lead her out. Unfortunately, it meant she was back in time to run the Circle.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run! And the first run was good too. And the GM does a little bit of Brazilian tap dancing as the song is sung.
Tell us about your On On: Boxer’s lasagna and salads, with yummy sausage rolls for entrée. And free.
Next week’s run: Lorong Sesuai. Loose Change and the Welsh. Check the web site.
Visitors / Returnees: Dead Fish (is that what stinks??) June Ko, Bagless 2, Stiff, and a returnee of note, Loose Marbles. Welcome all. This time the GM did a little Brazilian bum wobble as the song was sung.
Virgins: Nope.
New Member: Nope.
Lipstick: Hooray, even though he wasn’t even here tonight (apparently he was still trying to get himself out of a ditch and looking for his hat after he took a little backwards spill during the Monday Men’s Circle). Cock Radio, Comes Quietly and Father Anus, who were all sent the wrong way on purpose. But it is Gypsy who takes the lippy for all the men for traitorous behavior to his fellow Associate Members.
This time the GM did a little Brazilian pelvic thrusting while the song was sung.
Tits: The GM left them in someone’s car the other week because she was too embarrassed to take them home. However, they have returned tonight, but before she can get her hands on them, it is time for a little Party Game called ‘Pass The Tits.’
A blindfold was placed on the GM – Wet n Wild’s Bra (Wet n Wild was not wearing it) – and while the Tits were passed around the backs of the Circle, the GM was spun around several times. On removing her blindbra, she then had 3 guesses as to who had the Tits. After 3 unsuccessful guesses, the holder of the Tits revealed themselves – Virginia Slim, who had cleverly hidden them inside the back of his shorts. So it was a case of ‘Keep the Tits’ for the GM, who probably won’t be dumping them in someone else’s car this time. It can also be assumed that the Tits are being steam cleaned and disinfected after spending 2 minutes down Slim’s pants, despite his assurance that he changed his underwear 3 weeks ago. And the GM did a Brazilian Tit juggle as the song was sung.
Dick: Penile Extension did have them, but passed them to Loose Change to return, and she has forgotten. ‘Pass the Dick.’
Awards – Nope.
AOB:
· Not Tonight calls in iDuck (Posh Duck) and iDad (Father Anus). While showering, she pointed out how nice the stars were, and what a romantic setting it was. However, neither of them rose to the occasion. Instead, Posh Duck got out his iPad, and Father Anus his hand phone.
· Gypsy noticed a group of ‘Singaporeans’ lined up at the food table before the Circle started, and asks Stiffy to identify them. Jack Off, Shaggy Dick 2, Wet Pet, Dead Fish, and possibly others. Stiffy drinks for being a dobber.
· Zipp spent time helping the GM out on the trail, as there was a section where paper was missing towards the end. Kan The Kobra was picking up paper to soak up the blood on her hands caused by her carrying a durian all the way back.
· Herr Zip returned the tag from my new shoes which had been dislodged somewhere out on trail.
· Fat Crashing Bastard told how Too Easy has new gold jingle jangle F Me Shoes. Now he can hear her coming in the dark.
· Not Tonight and Loose Change were asked by Too Easy if they would like to take the scenic route. What a helpful Hare.
· Sybil had a charge that sort of went like this. Stiffener, are you very serious about married life? Answer me. Yes or no? 29th February. Yes no? Husband, 200 kmh motor bike. Yes no. My wife? Yes. Tanglin Police Station. Ask your f#*king wife… Scribe went for a drink at this stage.
· The GM thanked Stiff and Stiffener for hosting the Valentines bash last Saturday. And thanks Fat Crashing Bastard for the chocolate, Herr Zipp for the music.
· Shaggy Dick 2 referred to the bike incident, does anyone have a First Aid Kit. Shoe Shopper said she had a basic one (packet of band aids and tube of savlon) but she suggested that Stiffy had a big one. She then took the Singaporean teenager male off down the track to show him Stiffy’s big one.
· Cock Radio announced that Herr Zipp was the winner of last week’s quiz, as he actually provided a video clip of the song ‘Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.’ But by the smell of things, has he actually brought along a dead skunk to the run site? Because something is smelling to high heaven. Blame Dead Fish.
· Stiff had a charge on a female who I can’t remember – Shopper or the GM probably. They said do you want me to show you my tits, but a male said we no, you’re just one of the boys.
· Previous Committee Members, keep March 18 free for a get together.
· Associate Members; keep March 18 free for an abandoned husbands get together.
· March 17 – Kampong.
· Kan Not Kan – Palm trees in Omar. Save the date.
· A late charge from Stiffy. At the end of the Circle, Not Tonight walked all the way to their car to get some money. The On On is free. Duhhh.
On on to the free meal. Thanks Hares.
Scribed by Cock Radio
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ‘Guess’ on it. So I said ‘Implants?’ She hit me.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.