Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘St. George’s Day’ Run

Vigilante Drive – Kent Ridge Park

Hares: Stiffy, Wet Brazilian and the English.

21/4/10

The Run

In WW2, a thundering booming noise blasted over the west of Singapore as guns and cannons blasted away during the Battle for Pasar Panjang along Kent Ridge. However, the booming sound during this afternoon was due to the massive storm that hovered over the park, followed by the booming voice of Stiffy as he cursed and swore relaying the run at 5.30. Maintain a stiff (y) upper lip mate. The comemerative sign for the Battle of Pasar Panjang was bent over at a precarious angle on the corner of Vigilante Drive at the entrance to the park, an ominous sign. Had Stiffy knocked it over in frustration, or had it been struck by lightning???

Down the steps on the opposite side of the lake, Circle check. Along to the right I checked and checked until the call of ‘On back,’ was heard, which I assumed was on back to the Car Park and down the hill on the lake side. So down I went, spotting runners in the distance and calling ‘Are you?’ but no response. At the lake I found trail, very, very fresh but the runners were not Hashers. Following trail, I soon realized I had found the home trail and was running alone in reverse. Too late to turn back, keep going and do the run in reverse.

So here is the run report in reverse, I have never done this before but here goes.

From the car park, down to the lake and a nice little gallop through the park with fresh legs, barely raising a sweat. Along the edge of the lake and around the end through some bushes for a T. I decided not to call ‘T check’ to myself, as it was probably a waste of time. Stir up the bushes a bit to anger the hornets, turn back up the canal to find a Circle under a covered walk way. ‘Circle Check’ I automatically called, forgetting the rest of the pack was on the other side of Kent Ridge – but it did give the passing Uni students a bit of a giggle. Check right – nothing. Check left up 157 steps – security gate, NUS.

Trail was straight ahead and it was leg over some railing, into a car park and out at the top of South Buona Vista Rd. Down South Buona Vista, enjoying the long gradual decline and the serenity before I bumped head on into the Pack, led by Shoe Shopper. No use me turning back now; I knew how to break all the checks.

So on down South Buona Vista I ran, saying a cheerio and top of the evening to the rest of the Pack coming up the long gradual incline. Some even thought there must have been a T Check ahead and turned to join me. I can vouch that 2 of the virgin girls were doing well.

Well, I must admit I missed the bus stop stairs down into Science Park, but I continued on all the way to the bottom of South Buona Vista and found trail going across the road into the bush. I gave that a miss and instead followed trail marked in green chalk along the canal, which blended nicely with the green railing. Into the residential area at the bottom of Kent Ridge, a nicely disguised set of steps and it was all the way back up to the top and the Beer Wagon, where I managed to once again meet the rest of the pack who had come up the other side from the lake. Nice run, well thought out.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. ?? Maggot, the apprentice, measured the run at 7.3km.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Jolly good run, Rule Britannia!

Tell us about your on on mate. Mr. Ho’s English Shepherd’s Pie and other English delicacies.

Well what about next week? AGM, The House of Stiffs, Seletar. Members free, visitors $15 for dinner plus usual guest fee of $20 men, $15 ladies. G&T, beer, wine.

Virgins: Michelle, Angela, Kristin, Emily, Natalie

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Trash, Vibrator, Slip and Slide, Geko, Krit, Pinball Wizard, Ah Beng, Stiffler, and making a return is Hopeless.

New Member – Great Balls of Fire, again, Sex Change, Confused, Stiffener, and they all get a gift!

Lippy – Hooray, who was in front before we even left the car park.

The Tits – I am sure Fat Crashing Bastard is the holder of the Tits, but did he have them tonight?

The Dick – Hooray suggests that Wet Brazilian deserves a mention for her attempting to set the run 24 hours beforehand, ignoring the regular thunderstorms we have been having every afternoon.

Cock Radio deserves a mention for reverse running.

And a virgin deserves a mention, missed why, but by overwhelming opinion it is the virgin gal who scores the Dick

Awards- nope

AOB

· Stiffy was told by Fat Crashing Bastard that he was unable to ride his bike home after last week’s run wearing the Tits because they are not aerodynamic. Stiffy then asked him how his wife manages to ride her bike then???

· Sneaky Comer observed a lot of sex happening on the run tonight. Singaporn was heard saying something about her preferences, Shaggy Dick 2 said he likes it hot and fast and Big Head prefers to be on top.

· Speaking of sex, Sneaky comer tells us how he has missed out for 2 years as his wife has been too occupied with GM duties. But all that will end next week. He is looking forward to sex in the Circle and no more Wednesday afternoon calls from Wet N Wild asking him where the run is.

· Legolas praises Big Head for being a model Hasher and providing us with all the necessary calls to keep us safe –‘hole, trip, swing back,’ and so on. But one Harriet failed to heed her calls. Wet Pet, why did you not tell your guest that wearing MP3 head phones is a Health and Safety issue?

· Not Good Enough tells us that life is all about choices. Tonight he had to make a choice on which way to go – should he follow 2 inexperienced lovely female virgins or should he follow the more experienced but less visually appealing Father Anus? So he followed the experienced Father Anus and they went the wrong way. Bad, bad choice.

· Fat Crashing Bastard missed the run, but this doesn’t stop him bringing in the virgins who are dressed rather scantily. He then informs them that a Muslim cleric has blamed the wearing of skimpy clothing by promiscuous women is causing all the major earthquakes happening in the world. One of the virgins then informed us that she has made the Earth move for some of her boy friends.

· Mother Tongue, according to my interpreter, called the English in for a drink. Happy St. Georges Day.

· Shoe Shopper calls in Shaggy Dick 2 as representative of a nice young English son. During the recent airline down time, a mother and her son who had been stuck in an airport for 4 days were interviewed. The son said he was doing well, had lots of sleep because he had sleeping tablets. ‘But mum not doing so well, she’s had no sleep at all.’ What a generous son for not sharing his sleeping tablets with his dear old mum. He ought to be publicly p…… on, he….

· Maggot thought that the favourite English food might be something like roast beef, bangers and mash, kippers, or even fish and chips. Well, we all know that the number 1 food in UK is now curry, don’t we. Or is it? No, Maggot informs Stiffy that the number 1 dish in the UK is now Chow mien. I like Chinese,….

· Maggot also announces a JB run this Saturday, which will be last Saturday when you receive this.

· Stiffy asks what is on everyone’s lips – this is an English run so how did someone with a name like Wet Brazilian get a Guernsey as a Hare? I’m ½ English she tells us, my husband is from Leeds. Oh, I see, she has a bit of English in her, at times at least anyway.

· Stiffy tells us of panic that set in with his co hare when the rain started. Was it due to the Lightning bolts darting about the sky?? No, it was all due to a little spider

· GM thanks all the English for the lovely shirts.

· Sneaky Comer gets Boo to pronounce ‘Singapore,’ which he does ‘Sing-a-pore.’ He then gets Stiffy to say ‘Singapore,’ which he does ‘Singa-pore.’ Speak English Stiffy!

· And finally the GM announces that we will all receive a Goody Bag at the AGM, immediately sending shivers of delight up all the men’s backs.

On on On on to Mr. Ho’s shepherd pie.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Four Play’ Run

End of Rifle Range Rd.

Shoe Shopper & Sneaky Comer

14/4/10

The Run

Shoe Shopper described the run as ‘Being on two ply paper to start with, but as we get nearer the end we were to look out for four play, I mean four ply,’ as she hurriedly tried to correct herself. Obviously Wet Patch is away again, and her mind is elsewhere!

So off we set, looking forward to the four play before reaching the climax of the run.

Down the pipeline trail, and it was Ugly Bum, who had arrived late and had in front with 10 eager males behind do a quick u turn panting in her ear.

‘Why are so men following an Ugly Bum?’ shouted Boo.

Finally Ugly Bum could stand the heat no more, so as the trail went left into the jungle, she gladly handed her front spot to none other than Cock Tease. No need to call on on with Cock Tease in front, just follow her shrieks and squeals. Well the run in the jungle was short as it looped around and we emerged back out onto the pipeline trail again where we found who in the lead again? Yes, Ugly Bum, who had short – cut straight on.

At the next jungle trail into the right, Ugly Bum gave up her position to Legolas, and we got into some serious trail running. Circle Checks in the middle of nowhere kept runners guessing and the pack together, apart from Ugly Bum who was still going out on the pipe line trail, and the GM who was mysteriously nowhere to be seen.

At one stage on a Circle Check, Boo was heard calling ‘Need a woman,’ but as we ran to him it turned out his paper was not paper at all– sort of a ‘premature four play’ I guess.

Lovely jungle trails and Circles continued until we emerged onto a recognized National Parks Trail and headed left – to a T of course. Back the other way to the lookout tower for a Circle. ‘Check up the Tower’ someone called and Cock Tease nearly did.

Eventually it was back into the jungle, and soon lots of vine trips, thorns, and after yesterday’s rain – shiggy and streams. Mr. Potato Head broke the Wednesday record for the number of trips in a 200 metre stretch – 15. Congratulations!

Finally it was into a stream that took us all the way back to the car park.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Too much four play, too much monkeying around. Well done, thanks Hares.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Toy Boy tried to tell us that we only travelled 2 kms tonight, a little hard to believe. His apprentice, Maggot, gave us a more convincing reading of about 4.3kms. Stiffy then realised he had a measurement in miles.

Tell us about your on on mate. Red Lantern.

Well what about next week? Stiffy and the Brits Welsh Scots English for the St George’s Day Run. Vigilante Drive, top of Kent Ridge Park to take in all the English places of interest. Should be a short run.

Virgins: – nope

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Trash, Posh Duck, Vibrator, Mike, Cock Tease, Carol, Knobby Boy Scout, and possibly a few other odd bods.

New Member – nope

Lippy – Boo, Kan Not Can, and Maggot, who is rather reluctant, claiming he has to go to his in – laws later.

The Tits – Big Head is wearing them proudly and she seems rather sad having to give up her endowment. 5 minutes into the run, she came across a Harriet who was doing some pole dancing with a tree, sliding up and down it and twirling round and round to eventually end on the ground lying on her back. Well done Not Tonight, next venue for you can be Orchard Towers.

The next candidate was Fat Crashing Bastard who had a nipple slip moment, possibly due to a medication complication.

Once again I forgot to write down who got the Tits. It is very unlike me to take my eyes off a good set of Tits, what is going on?

The Dick – Great Balls of Fire was running with Knobby Boy Scout who took a good stumbling trip on a vine. On letting out a cry of surprise, along with a few swear words, a runner who was 20 metres ahead was then prompted to turn and give a belated call of ‘trip.’ Well done Cock Radio, better late than never.

Having arrived late, Great Balls was a bit behind the pack and doing his best to catch up. Hooray was a great help – Hooray sent him into the jungle and made him do the loop that came back out onto the Pipeline Track in the early part of the run. Nice guy! The king of short cutting won’t even let a late comer short cut to catch up. And the winner is – Hooray

Awards- nope.

AOB

· Cock Radio has done some research on the award nominations and found:

Run 1893 Shaggy Dick and Royal Tit at Blackmore was run in cloudless skies with not a drop of rain in sight. It is nominated for the wettest run.

Harriet’s Hero: spot the odd one out in the nominations- Sneaky Comer, Cock Radio, Virginia Slim, Father Anus, Shoe Shopper.

And finally, for the best drink stop, Run 1921 Aussies and Kiwis, Mayfair Park. Well, tonight is actually Run 1921! It should have been Run 1910 The Aussie Day Run at Mayfair Park.!

Give the GM a note!

· Fat Crashing Bastard has a four play charge. He commented that Twin Towers was running particularly well at the moment, actually running the full trail and not walking along short cuts. She proudly said that Comes Quietly is training her (that’s a new way of putting it) and she goes for runs with him and jacks off. Well I guess you can do that on a training run, as long as it doesn’t get the heart rate up too much.

· Malfunktion gives a reminder of the Kampong Run this Saturday (which will have already gone by the time you get this)

· All night, the GM has been questioning people if they were on the run tonight because she didn’t see them. Shoe Shopper gives us the reason why. When Shopper asked how she managed to keep her feet dry, the GM actually admitted to her ‘I don’t like running in the jungle so I just walked up the pipeline and back.’ Shame on the GM!

· Kamala starts off with ‘I have real story to tell you,’ and immediately everyone takes a seat. Maggot and Mike even had premium seating as they sat in Maggot’s car with the doors open. Dances With Kerbs and the regular back pack were told by the Hare that ‘if you are too tired then you can go back this way.’ Which they did. Except they had Bloodshit with them who proceeded to stuff up their short cut by taking them the wrong way.

· Ugly Bum arrived a bit late, missed the Hares instructions and found herself leading the pack after getting advice from Shaggy Dick 2. She was then given advice from Mr. Potato Head as he pressured her up the pipline trail and told her to get a move on. Finally Cock Tease rescued her, but Mr. Potato Head still kept on at her after the run. Ugly Bum then reminded him that the women are always right on a Wednesday night and to pull his head in.

· Given the intense thunder storms that have been arriving like clockwork every afternoon lately, the Hares were well prepared. Cock Radio displays a kick board he found in the back of Shoe Shoppers car.

· Sneaky Comer had an Anzac charge but I can’t read my notes.

· Mr. Potato Head said he went to the kangaroo bar and was charged $18 for a pint of VB. He mentioned that if the Aussies had charged like that at Gallipoli they would have won the battle! The Aussies and Kiwi are brought in, and Waltzing Matilda is sung, causing the Kiwi GM to immediately retreat.

· Cock Radio then brought in British Colonel Stiff for putting the Aussies and Kiwis on the wrong beach at Gallipoli. Probably had their map upside down.

· The GM then suggested that Colonel Stiff should have used his GPS.

· Kan Not Can gets in Mr. Potato Head, Stiff and Vibrator for a mangled history charge, but KNC manages to make a mangled cock up of the charge and lost me!

· April 28 – AGM- Seletar – Mr. Ho.

· Shaggy Dick 2 has a little one. Fat Crashing Bastard was noticed being just a little too relaxed and comfortable- wearing the Tits and leaning back on the bonnet of a car like a swim suit model.

· FCB then informed us that he had to wear the Tits home on his bike.

On on On on to the Red Lantern

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Keep in Step’ Run

Clementi Woods

Gypsy, Zipp, Dances With Kerbs, Kamala

7/4/10

The Run

‘If you go down in the woods tonight, you’re in for a big surprise…’

Well, it turned out there was no Teddy Bears picnic in these woods, but there was a big surprise for patrons of the Sakura Restaurant as they arrived and were confronted by a motley looking group of Hashers in their car park. The arrival of a parking inspector threw drivers into disarray, (is this a relation of Hooray?), even Phony Dick up-ended his chair in a mad rush to get a coupon on his dash. On seeing all this mass activity at cars, the inspector realized what people were doing and decided there was no point in proceeding further and promptly turned around and rode off. This left Phony Dick whinging for the rest of the night about what a waste of a coupon.

Anyway, Dances With Kerbs set us off, and the front runners headed up a set off steps to do a little loop, bringing them almost back to the start and thus allowing Goody Bag to get in an extra 3 minutes of stretching. A little gallop around the woods, but not for long as we emerged onto Clementi Rd. T Check and back over the bridge (yep, steps) into NUS, where we mingled in quite well with the students. Steps, steps and more steps. By this stage our virgin guest had blood everywhere, prompting some anatomical comments but absolutely no sympathy.

Front runners took a footbridge over a little valley to some steps, allowing short cutters to go directly up the grassy hill instead. FRB’s and short- cutters then discovered they had one thing in common -They had all reached the same Check. Back over the foot bridge it was, more climbing, more looping, and then more severe climbing involving steps, drains and embankments that took us up onto Kent Ridge Drive.

Wet Patch had found trail further along the Drive, but didn’t have a woman to continue. By a stroke of good fortune, I found a young lass out on a training run who was heading in the right direction and so I called on on , as I got my second wind. A bewildered Wet Patch stood with mouth open as we zoomed past him, then he turned and tagged along, dragging a few other males as well. A good pace was then set by our Mystery Woman, who turned out to be a Triathlete just back from competing in Australia. Ai ya!

Along Kent Ridge Drive we ran, having watched triathlete gal head off into the sunset. It was then we headed down into the woods for a big surprise, but still no teddy bear’s picnic. Down a very steep hill through the woods with a rope hand-rail for safety. The only problem was that the rope ran out after 10 metres, leaving us in a fair degree of peril for the remaining 390 metres. Worse was to come – a final set of steps that slanted forward and down, creating a build up of momentum when combined with the already severe forces of gravity led to some serious soul searching about life insurance policies and wills.

Having safely negotiated it to the bottom safely, there was only one thing that could spoil the sheer relief of still being alive. Yes, a f#*#ing T check! Lethal Weapon led the way back through the woods along the side of the hill. Even with a lusty group of men breathing down her neck, she threaded her way through the woods, bounding in and out and avoiding all the roots that could have come her way.

Emerging from the woods, runners came up a set of steps back onto Kent Ridge Drive to find they had just done a big treacherous loop through the woods. Over the road and down steps into NUS again, with Shopper leading the way out onto Pasar Panjang Rd and over for some drain running. Walkers, wounded, fatigued, and the cunning headed up Clementi Rd to home, while Front runners the hardy ones and clueless ones crossed over Clementi Rd and continued on. Eventually the back door to Clementi Woods was spotted and home was in sight – except for a hill that was in the way and we had to negotiate another set of steps. Stiff and yours truly took a cut across the fields, only to fall into a mine field of ankle snapping holes.

Back in an hour and a bit, most of runners in close together due to great checking and short cutting opportunities that had been carefully thought out by the Hares. Well done, great stuff!

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Too flat, not enough steps. Darn good run, thanks Hares.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Being an urban run, Toy Boy did not have his toy out tonight. However, Toy Boy 2, Maggot, had his out and I can tell you it was an 8.5 km run, with 1,239 steps thrown in for good measure.

Tell us about your on on mate. Japanese Bento box from Sakura. Chicken or salmon.

Well what about next week? Shoe Shopper and Sneaky Comer, end of Rifle Range Rd, Anzac Day Run. on on Red Lantern.

Virgins: Kaitland, daughter of Great Balls of Fire.

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Posh Duck, Trash, Krit, Stiff and Vibrator and possibly a few other odd bods.

New Member – Sex Change and Confused.

Lippy –Wet Patch, who pleads for leniency as he claims he had been called on by the Hare, Boo, and Mr. Potato Head who ran by himself past 6 markings after a check before he decided to turn and call for a woman.

The Tits – We had a pair of Tits tonight, with Forced Entry and Virginia Slim both in to give them away. Slim tells how he was approached a few months ago by a fellow American, who told him ‘We must plan ahead for our July 4^th Run.’ Ok replies Slim. A few weeks ago, the same American approached him again and said, ‘We must plan ahead for the July 4^th Run. Good idea agreed replied Slim. Tonight, he was approached again – yes, same person, same suggestion. In you come Big Head, a great idea but it is now April and if you don’t do something it will be July 4^th and you will telling Slim, ‘We must plan ahead for next year’s July 4^th Run.’ Take the Tits!

The Dick – Wet Patch looked at the Dick for some inspiration and came up with a Hairless theme.

First there was Gypsy, a Hare, who called ‘On On,’ a record number of times for a Hare. In fact a record number of times by anyone ever. Really, we were Hareless, as Gypsy was behaving more like a front runner than a Hare.

Then there was Hooray for trying to cause disarray to the run by nearly causing the FRB’s and others to miss the double back section of the run. (Wet Patch lifted Hooray’s cap, sure enough, he fits in with the Hairless theme)

Finally there was Great Balls of Fire, (no lifting of cap needed here for the Hair connection) for getting here late and failing to take proper care of his virgin daughter, who had spilt blood before he even arrived.

And the winner was Great Balls of Fire (I think)

Awards- nope.

AOB

· Boo charged Not Tonight, it was funny but Jack Off was whispering in my ear and I missed it.

· Stiffy plays the role of School Discipline Master and charges Jack Off and Doubleback for having a private conversation.

· Slowcum thanks Jack Off for 7 lovely years.

· Stiffy then questions Slowcum about the 7 years only – what about the years before they got married??

· Slowcum retaliates by claiming that he actually said 7 lovely years of marriage and comes over to the scribe to check the notes. Sorry Slowcum, of marriage, was not recorded, and we know that the run report is always 100% accurate.

· Zipp felt guilty as she arrived too late to set the run, and there was Gypsy all filthy and sweaty, while Kamala was totally exhausted and unable to stand up or even greet her with a wave. It was Goody Bag who came to the rescue with her magic spray she bought at Tackyshemira. With a quick spray, the 2 Hares were instantly rejuvenated. Wow, amazing, what is that spray Goody Bags?? The reply – it is Hare spray, designed to bring dead hares back to life and give them a permanent wave!

· Hand Bag asks Lethal Weapon if she is missing something. Lethal does a quick body search of herself, but fids everything seems to be intact. What about your lipstick asks Handbag. Lethal pulls out the lippy, and sure enough it is missing it’s lid. And of course Handbag has found a lid. Is it the one? Yes, it fits, it fits.

· Not Tonight is in on a serious note. Disgusting displays of affection are not tolerated in some countries, take Dubai for example. The Hash will also not tolerate such blatant disgusting displays of affection, so on in Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch for making bodily contact during the Circle. They are then sent to opposite sides of the Circle.

· Virginia Slim –Seletar 30^th anniversary run, June 26 and 27, $100 all up. For the 2 days, running will comprise 3% of the time and 97% drinking. BYO berocca and panadol. Check the web site for details.

· Hooray thinks Kaitland was deserving of sympathy tonight. She arrived alone early and looked rather lonely – ‘are you ok?’ she was asked. Yes, I’m going to run, I’m waiting for my father. He’s late. Aww. Then she runs and falls, spilling blood everywhere. And still no sign of dad. Double aww. She finishes her first Hash, tired, battered and bruised, and still no sign of dad. Triple aww. Finally Dad finishes the run after arriving late and is told his daughter fell and has multiple cuts and bruises. Does Dad give his daughter sympathy? Nope, Dad simply says to give her a beer and she’ll be ok. Great Balls of Fire, the sympathetic Dad.

· Mother Tongue became rather confused when she thought Great Balls of Fire told her that he had been dying, which surely would be deserving of sympathy you would think. But no Mother Tongue, he said he had been diving, not dying!

· Shoe Shopper saw Cock Radio find trail after a check and take off up Kent Ridge Drive with a lady leading the way, as should be the case on a Harriet’s Run. However, as she was 50 metres back, it took her a while to realise that the lady that I had found was not a Harriet but a girl out on a training run for her next triathlete. Need a woman!!!

· Good Bag then charged Cock Radio for doing a Penile Extension and Stiffy impersonation in his shorts. Well, she was a good looking lady that triathlete! Anyway, what are you doing looking at my crotch Goody Bag??!!

· Lion City AGM, May 1^st, Track 7 off Mandai Rd. Run at 5.30, $50 for guests gets you a good run, beer and wine for the night and Mr. Ho’s beef and salmon with creamy potatoes.

On on On on to Sakura take away Bento box.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

Run Report #1919 31/03/10

The ‘Rescued by a Guest Hare’ Run

Jalan Kampong Chantek

Hares: Sneaky Comer and Cheeks Out

The Run by Legolas

Arriving at the run site you wouldn’t be wrong to think this was a Lion City hash. Not only because of the large number of visitors from Friday but also because one of the hares was Cheeks Out. Almost forgot I had to start the run but some unsubtle hints got things going on time. The pack ran off along the fence at a good pace only to slow up at a T – back to find the on along the jungle trails but were stopped in their tracks again by a circle check.. What was Indecent Exposure doing adjusting Armless’ trousers in the mddle of a run? The on was finally through a small gap in the fence which produced a few comments about the more rotund hashers not being able to squeeze through and even a skinny one got stuck on a protruding nail.

The next obstacle was a high drop down to the path along the highway which put the first group of hashers on the lookout for a short cut. Jackoff fell off and over but was soon up and running again. Then it was the drain. We had been warned by Cheeks Out that if it began to rain or we heard thunder in the distance to get out. Once in there was no out! Slippery, high unscalable walls not to mention no foot holds. Cheeks Out we were definitely in, luckily for most the check was on on in the drain. The next check took off through some bush and having called the on was surprised to hear “need a woman’. Wet Patch had ‘just crashed through’ Isn’t that short cutting? On on to a T cunningly hidden at the top of a drain which luckily we didn’t have to climb up! Across into the jungle again and Vibrator pushed ahead – no he didn’t get lipstick as it was to gallantly help a lady hasher down a rather steep bank! On along the stream (boggy river more like said Singaporn and Lost Marbles)passed a bush camp and back onto the clear paths of the nature reserve where we wound back and forth across Rifle Range Road and back to the run site. An interesting run – well done the hares.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. The boy toy hasn’t been seen in some time, has it run out of batteries? 6km according to Garmin maps.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Good run was called, in fact Boo called “riun of the year” if there was free beer at the on on. There was, so please re-open the voting J.

Tell us about your on on mate. Red Lantern.

Well what about next week? Dances with Kerbs, Zipp, Sybil and Gypsy will be at Clementi Wood next week. Clementi Wood Drive, near Japanese Schools, see instructions at top of newsletter and on web site.

Virgins: nope.

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Cheeks Out, Little John, Malfunktion, Carol, Cock Tease, Vibrator, Stiff, Stiffler, Krit, Totally Unacceptable, Knickerless, Eleven, Circle Jerk. Welcome.

New Member – nope.

Lippy – Hooray (as usual, but only for 50m before he ran out of puff), Malfunktion (a likely story), Little John (another likely story), Boo and Comes Quietly. The last few came in reluctantly until Twin Towers started applying the lipstick. I thought lipstick was supposed to be a punishment but some of our naughty boys (well one in particular) seemed to be getting too much punishment/reward.

The Tits – Boo has both tits and lipstick so we do wonder what is going on. Actually Boo was delegated the tits last week by Forced Entry who wasn’t planning to be here this week. So Boo is looking for a look-a-like for Forced Entry, candidates are Jack Off and Cock Tease. Cock Tease gets the tits and we hope she will return next week to give them away.

The Dick – Not Tonight has a Dick related charge, in fact a few of them. The first one was a “challenging dick”. Early in the run we had to climb down a steep wall at the BKE, but fortunately there was a small dick sticking out of the wall to help us get a leg over down. This wasn’t enough for Singaporn though, who needed additional help. Malfunktion volunteered to kneel down and allow Singaporn to step on his back to step down. What a Sir Gallahad! The second dick was a little dick. When we finally emerged from the stream and jungle, we found a nice smooth running trail. Not for Handbag, who managed to trip over the tiniest dick ever seen on a Harriets run – a root, that is, sticking out of the trail. But the third dick was the massive dick spanning the creek, that we all had to slip and slide over. All of us, that is, except Wet Patch who managed to slip and straddle and then crawl like a caterpillar. Emerging sheepishly he was pleased that no-one saw that. Or so he thought! The Dick goes to Wet Patch but they all get a drink.

Awards – nope.

AOB

· Hooray calls the hares from last Sunday’s run in. Kan the Kobra was setting an “shorted handed run” which implied they were a bit short handed. Now we all know Sunday runs are normally about 30km and 3 hours, but on this occasion Hooray the web site implied a short run, so Hooray went to the run only to be treated to 1:45. Here’s to Kan the Kobra for false advertising.

· Shoe Shopper is “not one to start rumours”, apparently, but tonight’s goings on are worthy of mention. Returning to her car to shower, Shoe Shopper noted Great Balls of Fire departing the area around Ugly Bum’s car adjusting his shorts. Ugly Bum was in nothing but a towel and calling after him “you can pay me later”. Give them both a note.

· Shoe Shopper was on the run with Vibrator and Comes Quietly pushing her along, when Comes Quietly said “watch out Vibrator, you’ll get a nose in front”. That deserves a drink for both of them. Somehow Wet Patch got a big nose charge as well.

· Stiffy was approached by Vibrator with a sob story tonight. He confided that he was very upset with Shiggy Piggy for sending Speedy Tits off to Europe, so now he has no-one to run the hash challenge with. Kannot Kan weighs in – which is worse, a date with Vibrator or a 42km run in the jungle?

· Jackoff tunred up at the run tonight, happy and relaxed, until Legolas asked her where the run went. Suddenly Jackoff got nervous, would she have to do a live hare run? Here’s to Legolas for scaring her unnecessarily.

· Malfunktion wants to see Gypsy and Loose Change. He noticed Gypsy lying down with his hands behinds his head, no doubt having a nice rest, when Loose Change came up and asked “had he pulled anything lately”?

· Shoe Shopper wants Sneaky Comer in the circle for being a wuss. During the week he issued a call for co-hares because “he didn’t want to be in the jungle alone”.

· Ugly Bum has Shoe Shopper in to return the favour on things overheard. As she passed shopper’s car, she overheard “honey, I am an absolute idiot, I forgot all my clean clothes”. Just reporting what she heard.

· Legolas has Handbag in for overtly looking at his watch. Sorry Handbag are we keeping you from something important?

· Jack Off calls in Shoe Shopper – if she borrowed all her other clothes, why didn’t she borrow a pair of flip flops?

· Someone charged Legolas with having a wet patch. And when one Wet Patch drinks, all Wet Patches drink!

On on On on to Red Lantern.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.