The ‘Back To Basics’ Run
Hares: Handbag (a basic person?)
Where: Jalan Loyang Besar, Car Park A
On On: Basic food
The Run: When is a live Hare run not actually a live Hare run? When the Hare, for reasons that will become known later on, has to set part of the run the night before.
Off went Handbag carrying a little bag of chalk, chased after by a small but eager Pack 5 minutes later.
Things soon became a bit shitty for some runners, and at the first bit of jungle Wet N Wild put her foot in it. Was she trying to come in turd? Sneaky Comer lost his forward momentum, stalled and began stumbling backwards when negotiating up and over a fallen tree. Only a hefty push from behind by Maggot and CR prevented him from falling onto us and squashing the shit out of us. A close call.
A bit of road running, interrupted by some Checks at intersections that had runners searching in 4 directions and then into another bit of jungle. Emerging near Down Town East, it became evident to a few wily runners that the Hare was leading us down towards the canal at the other end of Pasir Ris Park. Sure enough, that’s where we ended up. Into the Park past the canal, (or at the canal for walkers and short cutters), down some steps at the only part of Pasir Ris that is more than 1 metre above sea level and then a run back by the lovely fresh sea air. (Fresh if you avoided being near Wet n Wild and her shitty shoe).
With possible short cuts aplenty, everyone was back together for a run that was a bit like the Hare – a bit on the short side but good fun. Well done Handbag. (And no one caught him, thank heavens. We really did not want to see his bare bum).
For those that were not at the Run, we are not going to tell you if it was a clockwise or anticlockwise run, just to keep you clueless for Handbag’s next Pasir Ris Run.
The Circle: The GM gets us to form an Oblong.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too shitty, too basic, Good Run! Well done Hare, thanks.
Tell us about your On On: Poor man’s Subway. Make your own with bread, chicken breast, tuna mayo, salad etc. How much? Free! Great run.
Next week’s run: Bukit Brown Cemetery, Anzac Day. Red Lantern.
Visitors / Returnees: The GM has a go at calling out the visitors without referring to the Guest List. Melissa, Suck n Swallow, Who the F#*k is Christine, Vibrator. Not a bad attempt GM, but Melissa paid her subs tonight, so is no longer a Visitor but a member.
New Member: Melissa, who has instantly lowered the average membership age by 5 years. After her new member down down, Hooray then told her to ‘f#*k off out of the Circle now,’ thus incurring himself to a splattering of lipstick.
Lipstick: Hooray is dragged back in and receives a double whammy of lipstick, and was joined by Vibrator.
Tits: Pubic Zipp comes in complaining of how heavy her Tits are. Wet n Wild has no sympathy for her though. Tiger Lily, Twin Towers and Wet n Wild are brought in. Tiger Lily for using 10 bottles of water to wash with, a disproportionate quantity compared to her body size. Twin Towers for claiming she was bitten by jellybeans while swimming at Phuket. And Wet n Wild for finding human shit in the jungle and bringing back a sample on her shoe. Wet n Wild wins the Tits for putting her foot in it and being the turd person in what can only be described as a shitty charge.
Dick: Jack Off’s head was the last place the Dick was seen 2 weeks ago. Apparently that night, as she was going through customs at the Causeway, an Officer asked her ‘What is that Dick doing on your head?’ She replied ‘That Dick is my husband thank you.’ Boom boom.
Awards – Nope. Although if there was a most original hair style award, Melissa had it in the bag.
· As per tradition, Hand Bag charges himself. Hand Bag rushed back from India yesterday, laid paper on the jungle sections, went and organized the food and then headed off to work today. Finally he got to open his emails at 5.29 tonight, and from the boss was ‘Get those documents to me by 12 today.’ Mmm, can the boss tell if I have opened this message or not????? Or can I leave it till tomorrow, pleading I did not see the email?? Phone rings. Don’t answer the phone, it’s the boss. Oh shit. Better cover myself, I’ll call the boss back. He dials the Boss’ number, lets it ring 1 time and hangs up. Well, he can’t say I didn’t ring back. Phone rings again, the Boss again. Can’t ignore him 2 times. ‘Hi Boss.’ ‘Welcome back Allan, now where are those documents?’ ‘Not quite complete boss, ready first thing in the morning, don’t worry, I’m on the job.’ Puts phone down, races out door and arrives at run site at 5.50 to set the remainder of his run. So we are lucky to have a run tonight. Well done Handbag, your priorities are good!!!
· Maggot now puts 2 and 2 together. As Handbag was in such a rush last night, he did not have time to go to the toilet when he got home. As he had just arrived back from India, this was an unwise move, and the previous day’s curry must have come back to revisit him, thus explaining the turd in the jungle that Wet n Wild stepped in.
· Cock Radio has another theory. By leaving toilet paper out in the bush for 24 hours, it was like a magnet to some foreign construction workers who made good use of a couple of pieces, which could also explain the mystery turd.
· Herr Zipp, on taking in Melissa’s new ‘unique’ hair style, is reminded of his American home and the Mohawk Indians. Gypsy tells us that in American Indian language, (According to Wikipedia, so it must be true), Mohawk means ‘Man Eater.’ Immediately a queue of males lined up in front of Melissa.
· Sneaky Comer, after hearing what is for tea, has a theory on why Handbag was so rushed tonight – he had been doing Tina Tuna all afternoon, not Tuna Mayo.
· Vibrator reckons that the Gossips wine that the Harriets are drinking is more suited to Lion City members. Let’s talk about that one, behind their backs of course.
· The GM accuses CR for getting in touch with his feminine side. Why? I was seen sipping a glass of white wine after the run. You can decide for yourself if this charge is true or just Gossip.
· Virginia Slim learnt that, at great expense to her parents, Melissa is going to Smith College in the US to further her education. (I would have thought after 3 weeks of the Harriets, her education has been furthered enough – scribe). However, she could have saved her parents a lot of money by going to the Singapore Smith Family School of Higher Education, run by none other than our own Smiths, Gypsy, Zipp, Stiff and Stiffener.
· Shaggy Dick Too, due to Shoe Shopper not being able to come to the run tonight as her husband had run off with the maid for a week, had the unfortunate experience of watching 2 Aussies trying to communicate in order to get to the run tonight. Man can dock a space shuttle to a research station in outer space, but Maggot and Cock Radio, via 23 hand phone conversations, could not find each other outside Tanjong Pagar MRT.
· The GM tells us we are losing 2 regular visitors (‘Are they going to become members instead?’ asks Gypsy). Suck Swallow and Who The F is Christine are departing Singapore’s shores.
· Hooray was asked a personal no no question by Melissa – just how old are the members of this Hash?
· The GM had called ‘Form a Circle’ 5 times tonight, then was asked 20 seconds later by Tiger Lily ‘When are we going to form a Circle?’ The girl is deaf as well as blind.
· Melissa, who is sporting a new haircut that can only be described as ‘different,’ was asked by Tiger Lily if she did it to raise money for charity. Deaf, blind and cheeky!
· But Tiger Lily reckons Melissa is ok, as she thinks that Tiger Lily has not reached the age of 30 yet. Yeah right, and I’m 21.
· Vibrator actually wonders if there is anyone here tonight that could be less than double Melissa’s age. Luckily Twin Towers was here to save us, as there were quite a few people more than 3 times Melissa’s age.
· Notification from Wet n Wild – we have only had sex (Kiwi talk for 6) responses for the awards so far.
· AGM May 2
This The just gone Saturday, Kampong Run is was at Kent Ridge, the first of a week of ANZAC runs. Sneaky Comer is was the Hare. It will be was a good run.
· And Tiger Lily finishes off by asking who left their running shoes by the gutter, it’s a men’s pair. Melissa claims them. Tiger Lily – blind, deaf, cheeky and just plain dumb. A true Japanese blonde bimbo!
On on to the poor man’s Subway. Don’t worry about going to the car to get your wallet Not Tonight.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
Warning for male members.
Beer contains female hormones.
Yes, that’s right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn’t drive.
7) Failed to think rationally,
8) Had to sit down while urinating.And then left the toilet seat down.
No further testing was considered necessary!