The ‘I think I need a drink after all that” Birthday Run
Comes Quietly & Twin Towers
Lorong Sesuai
The Run
A few thoughts crossed my mind as I arrived at the run sight on this Wednesday night:
1. I was feeling bad for the hares. After all, according to Bloomberg News “Almost 100 millimeters of rain fell before 11 a.m…..” “….more than 60 percent of the average monthly rainfall for June, according to the national water agency”. (http://www.businessweek.com/news/2010-06-17/singapore-faces-more-rain-after-orchard-road-floods-update1-.html).
2. I was feeling bad for myself, because any run from Lorong Sesuai requires you to run up the ba%^ard again at the end of the run.
3. It is a National Park, and we need more issues there like Singapore needs more cars.
Anyway, we were informed that the run was “almost entirely on paper” and off we headed down the paved path (no running off trail here). A tricky circle check allowed we sneaky SCB’s to catch the FRB’s, then down to Old Jurong Road, over the road and along the fenceline, then back to Upper Bukit Timah Road and across to Hinhede Walk, across the railway into the reserve, and a very environmentally sensitive set of trail markings along the Hindhede trail. As we emerged into the visitor centre car park, I was thinking that the run was “shortish” but with a drink stop we would still be home in 55 minutes or so. But no, the run wasn’t going home at this point, it was on into Senapang Link, all the way up to the pipeline, onto Rifle Range Road, down the road or track past the Rifle Range, and back to Hindhede Drive. Then, finally, it was on to a drink stop and nibbles in front of Southaven before a weaving meander back up the hill (that drink was strong)!
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Well we thought it was good, but the hares aren’t back yet. Are they picking up trail paper? Are they cleaning salmon off their teeth? Are they doing the washing up? Not really sure, but let’s proceed anyway and we will deal with them later.
Stiffy’s Hash Maths has new batteries, and reports 8.5km. Believable, it seemed even longer to me.
Virgins: nope.
Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Gazilions and fortunately I have the GM’s bit of paper to remind me: Iris (I though he was Trash), Deep Throat, Biggles, Krit, Malfunktion (who very nearly malfunctioned tonight), Bagless Too, Cherry Picker, Astronut (who must be a returnee based on some of the photos we have found in the history archive, a small fee will disclose more), Poser, VDM, Bullet Head, Knickerless, Phoney Dick, Faulty Towers, Knobby Boy Scout, Ayam Zinking.
Well what about next week? Committee run led by Shoe Shopper from the British Club. “Bring a credit card”. What is that for, to pay off the rangers, or security guards, or is it just that the food requires a small loan to pay for? Nope, none of that, the on on will be a la carte but they don’t take cash, so come prepared!
Awards – Shoe Shopper announces that we have some “prizes” this week. No one has a clue what she is talking about until she pulls out a pewter and announces that:
· Hooray has done 800 runs – “more like 800 short cuts”, “get a life”, and “who let him in the club” are heard from the cheap seats. Well done Hooray, he gets a pewter with a lid and quite a large down down.
· Too Easy (a “Hasherette”) has done 300 runs and gets a pewter picture frame to “put a picture of me in” remarks Fat Crashing Bastard. “It won’t fit” is almost “Too Easy” a retort to that one!
· Kannot Kan has done 100 runs. His only redeeming feature,
· Kan the Kobra has also done 100 runs.
The Tits – “are in our midst”, says the GM. “No they aren’t, they’re in the car” replies Father Anus. Since he can’t think of anything, can’t find his keys, or can’t be bothered walking over there to get them, he gets to keep the Tits for another week.
The Dick – the GM has the dick. In fact, she has “Cock Radio’s Dick in her hand”, after it was handed over in Dover MRT station before Cock Radio took his sabbatical. Shoe Shopper, you must be a legend amongst the locals and maids in your area. Anyway, she calls in Comes Quietly who after taking us up Bukit Timah Hill on Friday now had us running up Lorong Sesuai. SS is wondering if Comes Quietly thinks her ass is too big and needs stairmaster treatment. As Comes Quietly opens his mouth to reply, he is warned that it is unlikely he can say anything good at this point. His reply “you are thinking too much on this hash”. Down down, he gets the Dick.
So now the hares are back and one of them has the Dick:
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? “Too much salmon”. “Good Run” was heard but the GM did a bit of vote rigging and the final conclusion was “Excellent Run”! Thanks Hares.
Tell us about your on on mate. Red Lantern, the usual fare, $12.
Birthday – since it is the hare’s birthday run, it is only fitting he should get another down down (of beer and cake) to go with it. Happy Birthday Comes Quietly.
Lippy – Ayam Zinking, Astronut, Knobby Boy Scout, Handbag, and Phoney Dick (a likely story).
AOB
· Phoney Dick encountered an unbroken circle check on the run. With him were Handbag and Father Anus. Phoney went off checking and what did these other two characters do? Follow him. Not check in another direction. Asked what they were up to, apparently they expressed supreme confidence in PD’s sense of direction and there was no need to check anywhere else. Give the lost ones a note.
· Sneaky Comer has a bone to pick with the short cutters. Having labored massively to complete the trail running to Woodlands and back, by the time he got to the drink stop all the salmon “canapés” were gone. Who was responsible? On in Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles, who “lost” the second half of the trail and were forced to attend the drink stop early.
· Mother’s Tongue follows up on Phoney Dick’s charge. Having failed to check, Phoney Dick, Father Anus and Handbag also failed to break the check, leaving Mother’s Tongue and Ugly Bum to get lost.
· Handbag was inspired by Shoe Shopper’s advice to Comes Quietly earlier in the circle. He advises the men that “if your wife complains her tits are drooping and her ass is sagging while looking in the mirror, and she asks for a compliment to cheer her up, don’t tell her there is nothing wrong with her eyesight”. I hope he got a drink for that, can’t remember.
· Stiffy has Ugly Bum in on a charge of divine inspiration. I must say some of this went over my head, but apparently a church in the US had a large statue of Christ it was very proud of. Unfortunately, during a large storm the statue was struck by lightning and melted. The insurance claim was denied, sadly this was deemed “An Act of God”.
· Apparently there is some soccer thing happening at the moment and New Zealand is playing, and so is Slovenia, and apparently they played a game and it was a draw, so Mother’s Tongue wants to charge the Kiwis Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles. When does the Rugby start? Seriously, apparently it was a major achievement for a country known for it’s sheep to find a soccer ball, kick it around, and then have a draw with Slovenia. On on.
· Bullet Head was impressed with a very well laid trail. On in hares.
· Re the aforementioned failure to break a check and Ugly Bum getting lost etc, while sweeping the hares found Ugly Bum and rang the GM to let her know Ugly Bum was safe and well, and could she tell Ad Nauseum. Well she tried, but Ad Nauseum wouldn’t be pried away from the drink stop where he insisted he had to “shhhtay and wait fur my wifes”.
· Twin Towers piles on and confirms Ad Nauseum was VERY happy to wait at the drink stop.
· Great Balls of Fire is very impressed by some of the hash attire on show tonight and calls in some very fashionably dressed hashers – Trash, Poser, and Bullet Head.
· The GM was attending a sports day at school recently. All the teachers had serious duties, marshaling, timing, measuring, etc. But one teacher had a rather mysterious job – leaning against a pole and scanning the field – on in Stiffy, what on earth were you doing?
· Kannot Kan tells us, in a speech lasting no more than 65 minutes, that Malfunktion has been living under a newspaper in the wilds of Australia (probably Tasmania). Anyway, give him a drink for surviving!
And on that note, its….
On on on to Red Lantern.
Scribed by Sneaky Comer.