The ‘Ten Years of Hashing (and Ribena)’ Run
End of Yishun Ave 1
Father Anus and Lethal Weapon
The Run
Under threatening skies, and a threatening bloody big truck that was attempting to U turn right where the GM had parked her car, runners set off across the dam wall. ‘No, I don’t think so, I’m not falling for that trick again.’ And sure enough, a T check brought runners back and in along the water’s edge, with not even a barb wire fence getting in the way. Into the scrub and there’s the usual villains waiting for us, Hooray and Boo. Big Head also followed Boo on his short cut – can a naughty lady receive the lipstick??
Confusion at the first Circle – 5 of us found trail straight on, and On On we went, but the rest of the pack decided to turn back and follow Maggot, who had unknowingly found the Home Trail. Anyway, the smug look on the face of the five some soon soured as they struck a double whammy – 2 T checks, and so they had to make a dishonorable retreat. However, by this time, the majority of the Pack, following Maggot on the Home Trail, realized they would be back at the Beer Wagon by 6.07, which was totally unacceptable because it meant they had missed the promised drink stop. So they also turned and made a dishonorable retreat. This led to a dishonorable collision between both sides.
The run continued to meander it’s way along in an anti clock wise direction, treating us to some lovely little natural water and beach views off to the right.
Finally a trail in through the grass to the right had us scampering up a rather steep and slippery embankment. It was then followed by an equally steep and treacherous descent to a nice little single lane path running parallel to the embankment. Fat Crashing Bastard took a fine crash into the rough, but luckily had his wife on hand to console him, while Stiffy, who decided the descent down the embankment was too treacherous for his delicate body and stayed on the top track, kept bobbing up with a big grin like a garden gnome. Jiggy Jig, who had attempted the descent down the embankment, but saw death looming, froze after 4 steps, then tried to pass himself off as a tree so we couldn’t see him. Only thing was he tried to pass off as a Boab Tree.
Another trail off to the right took us way out on a thin peninsula with water to the right and mangrove swamp to the left. ‘I don’t like the look of this,’ muttered Ad Naseum, smelling a rat. Sure enough, it was a massive T check that had taken no less than 32 pieces of paper to set. All the way back to find Ugly Bum very concerned about her Ad Naseum. I informed her that I last saw him sniffing a rat.
After a bit more gravel running, a very welcome site was spotted at the bottom of a hill only 100 metres from home – Lethal Weapon serving ice cold Ribena and something – at the drink stop. (Another welcome site later on was put to an end by Ad Naseum. A few of the males had noticed that Lethal Weapon was experiencing difficulties in serving out the drinks at a rapid rate and keeping her shorts up at the same time. They had consequently strategically positioned themselves behind Lethal, where they were able to fully take advantage of this crack in Lethal Weapons defence system. Ad Naseum, ever the gentleman, took action to preserve Lethal Weapons modesty. )
Well done Hares, a fine run! Not as good as the run 3 weeks ago, but nice try!
The Circle: The GM called the Hares in and the circle was asked for it’s opinion. ‘Bloody good Ribena,’ was the unanimous call, with no one seeming to remember too much about the run by this stage. Bloody Good Ribena Run it is then. Can’t wait for the ‘20 years of Hashing Run,’ should be fun.
Tell us about your On On: Was going to be the Japanese Pizza that Lethal Weapon spent 10 minutes describing to us before the run and 6 people had put up their hand for. However the Japanese couldn’t deliver, so it was Canadian Pizza, free. Immediately 25 hands went up. Anymore Ribena?
Next week’s run: Bullet Head and BDM are scheduled but haven’t been sighted for a while. Slight problem. (Turns out they have been out of action with dengue fever. Knobby Boy Scout has kindly stepped in to fill their shoes.)
Visitors: Ayam Zinking,Shiggy Piggy, Herr Zipp,Wee Willy,Foreplayer, Phony Dick, Lily, Krit,Grace and possibly a few other misfits I missed.
Virgins: Alice comes in, claiming to be a Virgin, but her T Shirt suggests otherwise. On the back of her sheet is printed ‘Services the Fleet.’ Not often a Virgin gets a Hash Naming, well done Alice, you will now always be known as ‘Services the Fleet.’ CR offers his flip flops thongs for her to kneel on and a very vocal Gypsy offers his shirt. Not sure why. Anyway, ‘Alice, Alice, who the f#*k is Alice….’
Returnees: nope
At this early stage, the Circle has become increasingly rowdy, with members showing the effects of Ribena Poisoning. Gypsy seems to have suffered a severe dosage. The GM attempts to regain control, using a good old tried and tested strategy – The Kath and Kim ‘Look at mie, look- at- mei.’ Which they all did for a brief moment and then went back to their talk, between sips of Ribena.
Lipstick: Herr Zipp is called in for the treatment. ‘But I wasn’t even on the Run, no.’ he protested. ‘Tough bickies,’ says the GM.
Tits: The Tits are back from Shanghai, Maggot having survived another trip. Maggot suggests that Fat Crashing Bastard, who took a sensational fall on trail, causing tremors that triggered the eruption of a dormant volcano 500kms away in Sumatra, had lived up to his ‘Crashing’ name. It was quickly pointed out that he lived up to the ‘Fat’ and ‘Bastard’ part of his name without even having to fall over.
Anyway, Maggot puts all this down to a Chinese thing called ‘Karma.’ This was quickly corrected by those not so severely affected by Ribena Poisoning to ‘Indian.’
Maggot continues, telling of his dilemma in receiving the Tits from FCB 2 weeks ago. Knowing he would be in Shanghai, he contacted the GM, who suggested that he get the Tits to her. ‘But how?’ he responded. Shoe Shopper, who just happens to teach Maggot’s 8 year old son, replied ‘Just put them in a plastic bag and send them along to school with young Kev,’ was the suggestion from the GM. Imagine the scenario as Shoe Shopper calls for her students to hand in their homework and Maggot’s 8 year old son presents a pair of Tits!
The GM gets the Tits. Presumably they will not be displayed on the Show and Tell Table.
Dick: Ayam Zinking, who received the Dick for a stretching problem, left it at home. Presumably he still requires it to practice his stretching technique with.
The proceedings are interrupted by Jack Off who has observed a shooting star. Wow! Everyone pauses their Ribena drinking for a moment to look at this spectacular sight.
Awards – nil
AOB
· Jack Off decided all the teachers needed a charge. Not sure why, maybe a homework charge or a fantasy school girl charge. Anyway, there are is the odd teacher or 2 on the Hash. Certainly odd anyway, some of them. Oh yeah, it was Teacher’s Day. No day off though for this dedicated bunch.
· Deep Throat gives a correction on Maggot’s Karma. In Mandarin, ‘Karma’ means ‘Look at your Mother.’ Then I guess ‘Bad Karma’ in Mandarin must mean ‘Look at your Mother In Law.’
· Deep Throat, who has her arm in a sling, is then asked by Ugly Bum, how she manages to perform certain daily functions.
· Jack Off spots another Shooting Star, which appears to be making a descent onto the nearby Seletar Runway.
The Circle has deteriorated to a seriously disruptive level, with symptoms of acute Ribena Poisoning now manifesting in all members who had been exposed to it. Which was probably everyone except for Maggot who is still on his Wowser Diet. So unAustralian.
The GM manages to rally the troops to some sort of order.
· Zipp overheard a conversation between the virgin, Services The Fleet, and Ayam Zinking. She told him that ‘In the Fleet, we say bye bye to anyone who says I am sinking!’
· Jack Off spots a third Shooting Star. This one appears to have taken off from Seletar Airbase.
· Ayam Zinking grabs the Virgin, Services the Fleet, and says something. However, Ribena Poisoning has affected my ability to hear clearly, as well as my ability to move my pen across the scribe pad in such a way as to leave anything legible.
The GM decides to pull the pin and call a halt to proceedings as the Pizza has arrived.
On on to Canadian Pizza. Pass me another Ribena, will you.
Well, this is another fine mess you’ve got us into Stanley!
Scribed by Cock Radio.