The ‘Get Your Saints Right’ Run
Hares: Lethal Weapon & Posh Nash.
James Georges Church car park, Dempsey
On On: Botak Jones Al a Carte.
The Circle: The Wet Brazilian called the circle to order but forgot that the hares, hash brew and scribe were all showering, so nothing was ready except for her list of who’s who. Special note to Virginia Slim who is currently twisting the vision in his head: No, the hares, hash brew and scribe were not all showering together.
The Circle really starts: Ten minutes later, after the initial call, the Wet Brazilian has managed to pour some drinks for the circle herself and found the scribe, Cock Radio, hiding inside the dumpster. She calls out “Hares front & center, please”. Sadly, they are still showering so we move on.
Next week’s run: Virginia Slim stepped forward to tell us about next week’s cemetery run which will be a celebration of Qing Ming. Bring your brooms for sweeping but don’t be disappointed like everyone else in the circle was. The run is not going to be in Bukit Brown. Apparently Singapore has another graveyard somewhere in the west that is every bit as historical, picturesque, park-like and convenient as our favorite cemetery, Bukit Brown. Unfortunately, it is not so close to the Red Lantern but you can’t have everything.
Next week’s run will be at the Cho Chu Kang Cemetery at the junction of Christian Cemetery Path 6 and Christian Cemetery Path 7. Park on Christian Cemetery Path 6 and avoid the paths with names including 1, 2 (except to get to 7), 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23 as well as Muslim, Hindu, Chinese or Parsi. The run will include a stop at the grave of Mike Croft, a Singapore hash legend.
The Hares finally dry off: Posh Nash and Lethal Weapon were finally dried off and presentable so they came into the circle to a rousing chorus of “They’re alright…”. The run was considered a good one with deceptive uses of back checks, bounced checks and tight figure of eight trails. For a while it appeared we would never be more than 200 meters from the car park but eventually we made it over into the direction of Ridout Road, Margaret Drive and back between the old black and white houses of Tanglin to the Cricket Club fields.
Tell us about your On On: (It took some extra time because the Wet Brazilian had to be reminded by Cock Radio what came next). Botak Jones Backyard ala carte. A band had also been hired by the hares to entertain the hash until the wee hours (i.e., the hour when you had to wee). Damn good for $10, I’d say.
Visitors: I didn’t get the list from the Wet Brazilian as she was still mad at me for helpfully pointing out the trail to her so from memory, visitors included Dead Fish (the origin of the smell), Sandra (look alike Forced Entry), Bagless II (the good one), Stiff (hardly there), Vibrator (dead batteries) and Cock Radio (in disguise). Welcome to one and all.
Virgins: Not a single new nubile piece of fresh meat to be had.
Tits: Some boob still has them and isn’t giving them back.
Dick: Some prick still has it and isn’t giving it back.
Lipstick: Dead Fish, Hooray, Father Anus, Herr Zipp, Comes Quietly and Cock Radio all got their faces painted because of an infraction, real or imagined, on the run. Gypsy was also guilty but the victim of a dirty trick. The Wet Brazilian didn’t make him drink though because, and I am just speculating here, she thinks he is nicest, best looking and most intelligent hasher in Singapore.
Announcement: The Wet Brazilian reminded everyone to return their voting forms for the academy awards and committee nominations. If you don’t, all awards will go to her and all committee positions will be filled by men.
§ Fat Crashing Bastard called in Wet Pet who falsely accused him of not doing the run. Not only did he do the whole run (except some bits and boobs at the end) but he finished with the sweeper despite starting 25 minutes late. How did he manage that? Every check had been closed by the hares. In FCB’s opinion, the hares should win the award for the best lay of the year.
§ Herr Zipp called in hare, Lethal Weapon, for her most precise and descriptive directions on how to find this week’s run site. Last week she said, and I quote, “It’s where that road is that leads to a car park”. Having narrowed down the options, the next helpful clue was in the newsletter “The car park behind St James’ Church”. Sadly, the hares don’t know one saint from the next as the run was behind St. Gregory’s Church. St. James’ Church is a good 2.17912km further out of town, as the crow flies. It was amazing that anyone turned up.
§ Stiff called in the hares (actually, they never left the circle) for an infringement that seemed to escalate in confusion for them as time progressed. Stiff thought it odd that there was a short and a long run split 45 minutes into the run and that the long run seemed to be a long slog down the length of Tanglin Road. Posh Nash said there was not two runs but Lethal Weapon was with Stiff when he saw the sign for the split. After several minutes of arguing, the hares agreed to disagree.
§ Virginia Slim passed on the option of giving a down down to the hares and called in the GM instead. He donated $10 to the hash because he assumed we were running out of cash. He thought that the down downs were all water as we could not afford the beer but it turned out that only one person so far that evening had water – Posh Nash. He should have just stuck to the script and given the hares a down down like everyone else.
§ Stiff gave Stiffy a stiff drink because the new granddad and working stiff, Stiffy, almost got stiff with rigor mortis when he barely avoided getting run over by a car when his new found dementia reared up and he walked out in the middle of the road without looking first.
§ To be fair to the fairer sex, the fair Wet Brazilian charged Not Tonight for being a new grandmom. Not Tonight fared well throughout the delivery (by sleeping) but she, in turn, also charged Boo CB for his premature exclamation. Coincidentally, he had called her “Grandma” at one run last year, just hours after NT found out that her daughter was pregnant.
§ The Wet Brazilian awarded a 50th run award to the award winning hare, Posh Nash. Sadly, the handkerchief that PN received to mark the occasion actually fit over the clothes that she was wearing so there was no flash of skin or bones.
§ Fat Crashing Bastard called into the circle just about every single person on the run (including but definitely not limited to Too Easy, Stiffener, Lethal Weapon, Wet Brazilian, Not Tonight, Dances with Curbs, Slippery Bum, etc.). Last week, they brought to life his childhood fantasy of being attended to, hand and foot, by a bevy of beauties. They all helped keep him alive until the ambulance showed up last week whence FCB could tell the paramedics to piss off. Apparently, they were males and ruining his fantasy. FCB still hasn’t seen a doctor (Men!) but he wished to express his most sincere and deep appreciation to his saviors by giving them a drink paid for by the hash.
§ Stiffy called in Comes Quietly for coming illegally. It seems CQ was setting a bad example for the students of Stiffy’s school by driving through the school parking lot with the hand phone pressed to his ear. Comes quietly wanted to press the phone to his leg but he just could not hear as well.
Scribed by Gypsy.