The ‘Qing Ming,’ Run
Hares: Virginia Slim.
Where: Chua Chu Kang Cemetery, Jalan Bahar.
On On: Steamboat.
The Run: The GM wondered why no one wanted to gather around where she was standing in the open until she realized we all refused to leave the shade of a tree. Yes, it was a hot, sunny afternoon.
Melissa, the 18 year old virgin was asked by the GM if she knew what to do on the run.
The virgin then confidently replied yes, she had been doing some reading and it all made sense. It was suggested then that she explain to the rest of us, because nothing on the Hash makes sense to us.
The Hare gave a lengthy speech on a range of items, then told us On On was down the road and past the long kang. Tiger Lily sped off past the drain and into the sunset, completely missing the turn off into the bush.
The Pack was confronted by a very steep slippery embankment. I was taking 1 step forward and 6 backwards, the virgin was faring no better. I used my long pole to advantage, and then offered it to the virgin to grab hold off. A little reluctant at first, she had to be shown how to use a 2 handed grip for maximum effect.
The Run had a combination of nice kampong trails, lots of Checks, Virginia Slim made trails, and off course the inevitable shiggy, including stream crossings. Jack Off ended up with a very muddy bottom, the Virgin needed to be thrown a life buoy when she plunged into a stream, Stiff cleared away cobwebs for us, as well as making a mess of himself when he gloated about finding an easy way down an embankment, Wet Patch was very unsocial and forged his own course through the trees parallel to the rest of us on trail (we think he was farting), and Stiffy made a pig of himself by setting off a wild boar trap. And Gypsy was a FRB.
It was Melissa who led the way out of the bush onto the path for the last 200 meters home, but of course Tiger Lily could not be outdone by a Virgin and surged past her.
Pack back in 1 hour, great run.
The Circle: The GM calls us to order, and actually achieves a degree of success.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Unanimous – Good run! Although there could have been more checks and more mossies. Well done.
Tell us about your On On: Steamboat – back down the road, under the expressway, Jurong West Ave 5, opposite police station, turn right ….. Follow the Hare.
Next week’s run: No one seems to know and the GM doesn’t care as she won’t be there. Your scribe suggests that it will probably be a good Circle then, and was promptly spanked for disrespect.
Visitors / Returnees: Krit, Stiff. Lost and Found found his way as a returnee.
New Member: Nope.
Lipstick: Cock Radio and Shaggy Dick Too – someone called out for the virgin to stop, which she did, causing the poor 2 Associate Members to go one step past her.
Loose Change was then charged – she was explaining to the Virgin what the lipstick was all about, and told her that the GM always forgets to bring it. However, tonight she actually remembered.
Tits: Zipp received a call from Aberdeen –
Concerned Aunty – ‘Help, my niece wants to run the Hash tonight, she has never run Hash before, the run is way out west in a cemetery, she is only 18, who will look after her????’
Zipp – ‘I will.’
Concerned Aunty – ‘You are too slow.’
Zipp – ‘Ok, Gypsy will then.’
Concerned Aunty – Oh no, he is worse than you.’
Zipp – ‘The Hare is Virginia Slim.’
Concerned Aunty – ‘Oh, he is such a nice man, he will look after my 18 year old virgin niece.
Virginia Slim wins the Tits for creating false images of himself.
Dick: Gypsy likes playing a game, whereby you hear a snippet of information and then try to imagine how the rest of it may go. Well, this is what he thought may be the rest of the conversation to a snippet he overheard.
Jack Off should sit in the back seat.
Make sure no one else is watching.
Have plenty of Kleenex handy.
So just what was the snippet of information that led Gypsy to these thoughts?
He heard Jack Off say ‘I don’t know how to make him come on a bus.’
Jack Off takes the Dick. (Please remember to take it off your head before you cross the Causeway tonight.)
Awards – Nope.
· Hooray questions if Maggot and Lost and Found are look alikes? Nooo. The rest of the charge involved Loose Change and Stiffener, but I lost it, as the Hash Brew was busy telling me to write ‘It was a beautiful evening.’ And it certainly was Zipp, how was that sunset!
· The GM rightfully (for once) declares that the Hare put a lot of effort into setting this run, and questions why Wet Patch spent 90% of the time making his own route (effects of last night’s curry?)
· Stiffy was asked by Loose Change and Kan The Kobra – ‘Krit? Is that his Hash name?’ No, his Hash name is Graham.
· Slocum declares that it is now 9 years of marriage to Jack Off. (Where’s the T Shirts??? Some collectors will now have an incomplete set).
· Stiffy said to Kan The Kobra how fantastic the full moon was tonight, conspicuous as it shone overhead. After scanning the night sky for several minutes, she failed to identify it. Give the girl a telescope.
· Your humble scribe then created an avalanche of disastrous proportions. It started when I declared that people need to know their place on the run. Stiff attempted to overtake me on the left and ran face first into a massive spider web.
Not learning from this, 10 minutes later he watched me negotiating a steep, slippery descent to a stream, and looking to his left he sighted what he believed was a much simpler route by which he could get up the other side before me. With a gloating snicker and gleam in his eye, he veered left on his alternative crossing. This was followed by a cry of ‘Oh no …. Ahhh sh#t…… ouch….oh f#*k it….’ as he slipped and slid on his bum down the muddy embankment towards the stream. I did not notice Stiff attempting to overtake me again.
· Stiff then got the avalanche rolling. Cock Radio for something. (Can’t remember what, I was caught off guard, sorry).
· Kamala to Cock Radio for moaning and groaning excessively in front of the Virgin.
· Gypsy to Cock Radio for only offering his long pole to the 18 year old Virgin and ignoring everyone else.
· The GM to Cock Radio for repeatedly calling ‘Need a Circle,’ everytime I was tired.
· Not Tonight then rescued your now slightly unbalanced scribe, and charged Stiffy for being a bigger pig than he normally is and setting off the wild boar trap.
· Maggot charged Stiffy and Not Tonight for scratching around a Circle Check like 2 old chooks.
· Not Tonight then thanked Maggot for being an Aussie hero and coming to their rescue at the Circle Check.
· Comes Quietly recalls how once at this run site, Shoe Shopper commented on the how close the full moon looked. With his torch, Comes Quietly highlighted the alleged full moon – a circular road sign under the tree. Have another drink with Jack Off and check the shooting stars as well.
· The Gm does not allow Dances With Kerbs and Kamala off – they have been sitting all night.
On on to Steamboat, don’t ask me for directions.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
Irish Birth Control
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan. And didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’
She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’
The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee little ones yet?’
She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’
The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week and I’ll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.’
She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father…’
They then parted ways..
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’
She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’
The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have ye any wee ones yet?’
She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’
The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?’
She replied, ‘E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin’ candle.’