The ‘Change of Plans’ Run
Hares: Two Easy, Fat Crashing Bastard, Stiffener
Where: Hindu Cemetery South St 10.
On On: Farmart
The Run: Not a National Parks Ranger within coo-ee to bother us out here. Well, not any that are alive at least. The Hare assured us this would be a very scenic run, so we should have smelt a rat when we headed towards a big pile of un-scenic dirt. Yep, T Check.
We passed a bush area that said ‘Danger, keep out, live firing range.’ Well, that made me a tad nervous, but obviously not as nervous as the soldiers who go in there, as the next sign on the side of the road warned us ‘Look out for troop movements.’
Lovely bush trails, made tracks, undulations, twists and turns, little streams, Indian workers cutting the grass for us, this run had it all.
I knew where we were going, as I had my own human GPS, Stiffy, who informed me this run was borrowed from the Bike Hash. He knew every little nook and cranny like the back of his hand, and gave a bike riding degree of difficulty grading for every section.
So when we found ourselves at a Circle Check ahead of the Pack after taking a legitimate short cut, he was able to lead us to trail, so he said. Home was 20 minutes from this Check. We got back 90 minutes later. Some quotes from this 90 minutes of torture:
2 minutes later. (S) ‘That’s strange, no markings yet. They will probably come out at the roundabout just up here.’
10 minutes later. (CR) ‘Where’s the roundabout?’
20 minutes later. (S) ‘Now there will be a big hill to go up next to the road.’
25 minutes later. (S) ‘Actually, I remember now, we did not go up this big hill, we need to go back to the road.’ (CR) On hands and knees, unable to reply.
25 minutes later. (CR) ‘I don’t see any graves.’ (S) ‘We’re still in the University.’
30 minutes later. (S) ‘We just go behind the drain and cut through the jungle into the cemetery.’ (CR) ‘Ok’
35 minutes later. (S) ‘Think we better go back to the road, their shooting real bullets in here.’ (CR) ‘Most intelligent thing you have said so far.’
45 minutes later. (CR) ‘Should we flag a taxi?’ (S) ‘No, don’t be silly.
50 minutes later. (S) ‘You don’t look very happy.’ (CR) No reply.
55 minutes later. (CR) ‘Should we flag a taxi?’ (S)‘No, it’s just up to the corner and turn left into Jalan Bahar, then a mile or so to Old Choa Chu Kang Rd and we are there.’
65 minutes later. (S) ‘It didn’t seem this far on my bike.’
66 minutes later. (CR) ‘Should we flag a taxi?’ (S) ‘Yes, ok.’
70 minutes later. (CR) ‘I still don’t see any graves?’
71 minutes later. (S) ‘Are you still my mate?’ (CR) No reply.
80 minutes later. (CR) ‘You dodge the traffic on this side of the road and flag a taxi, I’m going to the footpath on the other side.’
85 minutes later. (S) ‘Nearly home, turn left at the next corner.’ (CR) No reply.
89 minutes later. Rescued in a car by the Hare, who states the obvious: ‘The run did not go anywhere near Jalan Bahar.’ (S) ‘But we did on the Bike Hash.’ (CR) No comment, asleep in the back seat.
The Circle: Proceedings were delayed slightly (8.15 to be precise). Was it because of worry and concern for the 2 missing associate members? Or was it that one of them was the scribe?
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Wet Patch declared he couldn’t remember the run as it was so long ago. ‘Too short,’ was heard from 2 Associate members. But this was a really lovely run. A very good run was declared. And thanks for the short notice move to avoid the wrath of NP Rangers.
Tell us about your On On: Farmart, where the food is really good.
Next week’s run: East Coast Park, Carpark F2. Sneaky Comer & Wet & Wild.
Visitors / Returnees: Stiff.
Virgins: nope, not even a dead one.
New Member: Nope.
Lipstick: The GM declared that there was always a woman in front today, and therefore no naughty associate members to get lipstick. Shoe Shopper was immediately charged for suggesting the real reason no men were charged was that the GM had forgotten the lipstick.
Tits: Virginia Slim mentioned how Cock Radio does not seem to be running at the same pace as he use to a few years back, and even resorts to short cutting occasionally. This prompted Big Head to comment on the run, ‘Cock Radio, you are so slow that even Sybil could beat you.’ And tonight she did. Cock Radio takes the Tits.
I then asked the GM for permission to take them off, as I could not scribe with them on. Shoe Shopper said she has the same problem too.
Dick: Fat Crashing Bastard watched Stiffy taking 10 minutes to park his car. Then he went and ran the Bike Hash. Stiffy, you Dickhead! On your bike lad!
Awards – nope.
· Jack Off and Slocum immediately queried why we were having AOB already – What about the Tits? Give the 2 alziemers sufferers a note. Slocum then dug his grave deeper by asking why Cock Radio was not wearing the Tits.
· The GM gave a stern lecture about the correct procedure for running in National Parks.
· Melissa saw, and heard, Gypsy call ‘On on,’ at a Check, before pulling up and self correcting his call to ‘need a woman.’
· Sybil questioned Gypsy on the run why he was behind her. This resulted in a childish game of silly talk and bum waggles being executed.
· Sybil thanked the Hares for the chocolate.
· Wet Patch noticed that Not Tonight had been sitting for the last 10 minutes with her head on hands looking very pissed off. It can only be because Stiffy was eventually found.
· Too Easy had driven out in the dark to look for the missing associate members and nearly picked up 2 Indian men by mistake. Slocum wants to know how she knows that you can’t fit 4 people in the back seat of the car?
· The 2 associate members who had been missing then explain the truth about what happened. Trying to make our way over the hill through the live firing range, we were captured by an army platoon in full camouflage. They marched us to their Commander, where we were detained, questioned and tortured by water and fingernail pulling. They asked if there were any more gypsies with us. But we gave no real names away, despite the pain. So the army are now searching for a fat crashing bastard with a wet brazilian that has a wet patch. A sergeant with a big head thought it would be too easy, but we told him stiff, not tonight. Well, that’s our story.
· Cock Radio then charged Stiffy for making us do the bike hash without a bike. ‘It didn’t seem this far on my bike,’ was his famous quote at 7.45.
· Stiff had some disparaging remarks made by the GM about how slow he was running. ‘Then go past me,’ he replied. ‘No, because then you will talk about my big ass,’ came the GM reply. Well, she did overtake him and proceeded to give him 2kms of swingbacks.
· The GM then charged Stiff for looking at all the women’s bums when they go past him. (When he starts looking at the men’s bums, then we have a problem).
· Not Tonight calls in an educationist, Stiffy. (If bus drivers can be called ‘Coach Captains,’ then teachers can be called ‘Educationists.’) If Cock Radio can’t write while wearing the Tits, she asks Stiffy how some of his female students cope? She also asked if we saw the sign on the run that said ‘Mark’s Cocoa Plantation’. ‘Is this for FCB’s chocolate company?’
· Dances With Kerbs charged Slocum for observing and commenting on the females leg over styles as they negotiated a fallen tree.
· While Stiffy and I was being charged, the GM kindly took over my scribing duties. I thought this was very thoughtful and caring of her. Until I got back and saw what she had written:
The GM is sexy.
The GM is gorgeous
The GM is lovely
The GM is wonderful
The GM is beautiful
The GM is smart
The GM is great
The GM is the best
· Zipp suggested to Melissa after the run that she ask Boo for some repellent to keep the ferocious mossies at bay. Boo suggested that she shower first before applying repellent, otherwise it will wash off. Melissa’s reply – ‘Shower?’
· Stiffy knew that at least one person would miss him when he did not get back tonight. (Miss him, or notice that he wasn’t back?) However, no one would have known about poor old Cock Radio until tomorrow morning when his students were sitting in class without a teacher. Sad.
On on to Farmart.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen.”
Husband texts back “Pour some luke warm water over it.”
Wife texts back: “Computer completely f*#ked now.”