The ‘Shaggy Dick Too Farewell’ Run
Hare: Shaggy Dick Too
Where: Blackmore Drive
On On: Red Lantern
The Circle: The Wet Brazilian called the circle to order and twenty minutes later the said circle did actually come to order. Sort of. It was more of a comically shaped triangle but it worked.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Amid the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the hare, Shaggy Dick was called into the circle one final time. Sort of. He still had to do about 20 down downs during the rest of the evening. First Shaggy was forced to explain why he promised dry shoes to the masses yet soggy toes seemed to be more prevalent. An excellent run was announced before the hare surprised everyone by revealing that the on-on was going to be at the Red Lantern. At least we got to sing our auld hash favorite, F.O. You C.
Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern.
Next week’s run: Comes Quietly stuck out his chest nuts and told us to show up next week at Chestnut Avenue, Meeting Point 4. He promised at least two drink stops and a free on-on but, then again, I lie a lot so that part isn’t really true. Sort of.
Visitors: Krit, Mr. (il)Logic, Hiroko, Stiff (still not a member), Amber (fluid), Stephan, Boxer (shorts), Mr. Potato Head.
Virgins: Shalyn (temple) but she apparently did nopt know anything about a circle and left a tad early before the festivities. Pubic Zipp took the honors for bringing the disappearing virgin.
Lipstick: Ad Nauseum seemed proud that he was in front of the woman and ran into the circle to claim his prize. Mr. Potato Head positively glowed with the idea that his bum legged recovered enough for him to be in front (actually, he shortcut the canal). Wet Pet, however, failed to notice that the 2.5 meter guest, Mr. Logic, ran in front of everyone only 10 steps into the run but she somehow looked across a crocked line and divined that Gypsy was in front of Wet Brazilian as he followed both Wet Pet and the GM down the canal. (I hold a grudge for a very long time).
Tits: Comes Quietly was being his discreet self when showering after the run. Much to everyone’s surprise, Boxer seems to have walked past and purred “Hmmmmm….., I like that!” When the cats away….. Hey, wait a second. Penile Extension was standing right nearby. So how?
The GM called a follow-up charge against Not Good Enough for pointing out that Boxer appeared to be dribbling white foam from her mouth while bending over at a rather telling level. He was just trying to understand what she had had in her mouth.
Dick: Stiffy probably should have kept it because he’ll be getting it back next week. I’m still trying to figure out if Not Tonight was being accused of just being a woman or that Stiffy was charging himself because of Alzheimer’s. He left the dick at home so Not Tonight instructed him to detour over that way during the run to pick it up. Surprisingly, he could not find it there. Upon returning to the runsite, he checked the car again where Not Tonight assured him he would not find it. There it was. Okay then says NT, “did you bring me my towel?” Huh?
Announcement: The Wet Brazilian appealed for hares for several upcoming runs including 27 June as well as 11 and 18 July. Shaggy was nominated to set all of them with Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper. If you want to help though, contact Posh Nash.
Farewell: Shaggy Dick was sent off in style in a new Harriets t-shirt designed to remind him to come back often to visit us (as a guest hare), a card and a beautifully decorated cake. Actually, it was Shoe Shopper’s birthday cake but she didn’t show up so a quick hand written message on paper was added which wished Shaggy well.
AOB:
§ Maggot called in Singaporn (who is French) and Shaggy Dick (who is heading to Viet Nam, a former French colony). Maggot informed the circle that the French, of course, are most famous for inventing the word “surrender”. Maggot taught Shaggy a cleverly written ditty often sung at the Vietnam hashes for visiting French runners. I can not be sure but I think it was titled “Dien Bien Phu”.
§ Slocum gave Slime and Ugly Bum a down down because they both seemed to be looking for one night stands. Slime prefers to lay down instead of stand but drank anyway.
§ Not Good Enough pointed out that his usually clever wife was having trouble understanding Stiffy’s earlier talk about the dick in the car, dick in the house, where is the dick, etc. She thought every guy knew where his dick was.
§ Shaggy Dick had special instructions to keep everyone’s shoes dry on the run. As a result, he ran the length of the canal along the hole-filled side, rather than the sidewalk because the latter could possibly involve a tip toe through the water. Sadly, this route played hell with many hashers. Mr. Logic fell down the drain, Stiff went down a hole and Jack Off went down on someone. It was all enjoyable to watch.
§ Stiff called in Shaggy Dick to pass on some more hash traditions they have in Viet Nam. On behalf of Cock Radio, Stiff gave Shaggy a shower of flour that left Shaggy looking a bit like a snowman. Herr Zipp noted that we were all confused. Shaggy was going to Viet Nam, not San Francisco. Herr Zipp then led the circle in ♫ “If you’re going to San Francisco, ♪ be sure to wear some flour in your hair”♪.
§ Zipp was momentarily impressed with young Singaporeans and figured there was hope for a more gracious society. When Shaggy was trying to wipe the flour out of his eyes, Zipp ran in with a napkin. That was not enough so the Wet Brazilian ran over to get another napkin and take it to him. Still not enough, Melissa ran over and got another napkin…. to hold the piece of cake that she wanted to eat.
§ Wit & Wild was called in for her birthday by the GM and Not Tonight called in herself for the same reason. Unfortunately, some bastard had eaten their cake.
§ Stiffy called Shaggy Dick back into the circle. Stiffy realized that we are not only saying goodbye to Shaggy and Shoe Shopper, we are more than likely saying goodbye to the Blackmore Drive run site where they have set a combined 274 runs since they arrived in Singapore.
§ Big Head asked Shaggy to stick around for her charge too. She took us all down Memory Lane (not found on my GPS) and handed out miniatures of liquor to Shaggy for each special moment they shared. Hint: there were enough miniatures to not only get Shaggy drunk but also to make you wonder when those two were an item.
§ Not Tonight joined the reminiscing and charged Shaggy not so much for the champagne run stop where they first met but just so that she could give him a public hug and a kiss. Wet Pet also came in to say that she doesn’t have any special memory of Shaggy but she also wanted a cuddle with him.
§ The Wet Brazilian gave Shaggy a break and pointed out that some other committee members were supporting her by wearing they own funk me shoes or, at least fu*k you shoes. She noted that Stiffener’s shoes were a new version – fu*ked up shoes. They had teeth marks all over them and no one was sure whether the teeth in question belonged to the family dog or to Stiff.
§ Kan Not Kan called in – wait for it – Shaggy Dick and returned to the memory theme, noting that he joined the hash while Shaggy Dick was on a surfing and shagging holiday in Bali. When Shaggy finally returned to the hash, KNK realized that he was not the only studmuffin who was competing for the charms of the ladies. He also managed to recall Shaggy’s first words to him, i.e., “shut up and drink your beer”. Actually, that was almost everyone’s first words to KNK.
§ Tiger Lily kept Shaggy in the circle not to charge him but to thank him. She had been running for so many years but was never much more than a five-hour marathoner. With Shaggy breathing heavily down her neck every Wednesday, she got faster in order to get away from him. This training has turned her into one of the fastest women in Singapore. Furthermore, his heavy breathing in the pool has turned her into a top tri-athlete. There was no mention of what heavy breathing in bed – if any – did for her.
§ Maggot called in – who else – Shaggy Dick and taught him some useful Vietnamese, appropriate for saying to anyone in order to win friends and influence people. As best I can tell with my American ears, it sounded something like “Ang ewe em anh bo doi”. Try it on your next visit to Hanoi.
§ The Wet Brazilian gave Shaggy another break and pointed out that Maggot was wearing a chastity belt. We are not sure why she was looking there but….
§ Gypsy called in Melissa and replayed a Facebook post that the mohawked girl had made the day before. Apparently a friend had been upset with her for a post that not only mentioned female genitalia but used obscene language to boot. She took umbrage and posted a video on Facebook to electronically say “fu*k off”. The video was of a song with curious lyrics about the artists eight mile wide vagina. It was vigantic. The GM decided that Melissa should henceforth roam the world with a new name “Eight Mile Wide” (or “8 Mile Wide” to save on “e”s).
§ Jack Off then said something very, very clever and witty. Unfortunately, I was still discussing hash names with half the committee and I missed it. My notes say “Jack Off – bottles, Slocum, cleaner, Shaggy Dick, drunk.” You will have to use your imagination.
Scribed by Gypsy
On on to the Red Lantern