The farewell run
Hares: Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch
Where: Temasek Club Car Park
On On: Colbar
The Circle:
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? The run was a quickie, and the circle premature. A good run, nonetheless.
Tell us about your On On: Colbar, get there before the kitchen closes.
Next week’s run: Kan the Kobra’s birthday run.
Lipstick: Boo and Buttwiper.
Tits: Malfunction had said to Sybil when she was running, “Ladies don’t run, it’s not good for you.” (Brief history lesson – Women were once considered too weak to run a full marathon, and were thus barred from the event. In 1966, Bobbi Gibb ran the Boston Marathon unregistered, finished in 03:21:40, and became the first woman to run that race.) Sybil gave Malfunction the tits for being a Male Chauvinist Pig (MCP), and reminded him that “for god’s sake, it’s Wednesday and this is a women’s hash”.
Farewell: The hares were called into the circle, and told that they would be sorely missed. The GM, however, said that she wouldn’t be missing their frequent snogging. She was also glad that they were going to Melbourne when it is now frigid cold – they won’t be doing much there. The circle turned on the GM, sensing some jealousy.
Farewell gifts were presented to the hares – fuck-me pyjamas for Shoeshopper; and a red Adidas hat with “England” boldly printed on the front in white. We’re almost certain it’ll be a hit with the Australians.
Dick: Still with Herr Zipp?
AOB
· Comes Quietly was charged for his faux pas during the run – he had referred to Too Easy as “just an old bag”. Too Easy is a little over 50, hardly an “old bag” considering the average age of the hash.
· Wet Patch admitted to doing only one recce with Shoeshopper, during which he had to get down and dirty cleaning up their dog’s poo because Shoeshopper refused to go near the dog. She’s the meanest, indeed.
· Fat Crashing Bastard charged Shoeshopper for not only being mean, but also getting rid of her “old, tired pussy” before going away (probably in exchange for a new one in Melbourne). He wondered who the hell would want Shoeshopper’s second-hand pussy. Here Welsh Git and Wet Pet surprised us all by indicating their enthusiasm.
· Shoeshopper charged Buttwiper for racing during the hash.
· Boo had observed that although Cherry Picker brought his wife to the hash, he didn’t teach Mrs Picker the relevant hash conventions. Poor Mrs Picker.
· Not Tonight charged Malfunction for telling Sybil to slow down during the run, because she was making him look bad.
· Loose Change was charged for being the ultimate short-cutting bastard. Here’s to Grandma!
· Sherlock had intended to borrow a hash shirt from his parents, but according to Wet Patch, he went to the “not-male” drawer instead of the “male” drawer. Sherlock mounted an excellent defense – “It’s not stretched in places it shouldn’t be!”
· Malfunction was charged for his pre-hash gluttony, overindulging in beer and the worst chips ever. No wonder Sybil was making him look bad, the fat bastard.
· The GM was visibly upset with Boo for giving her the cold shoulder during the run. She had just returned to Singapore and already was received so poorly.
· Maggot charged Wet Patch for underestimating the hash. Wet Patch bet we would finish the run in 52 minutes, maybe slightly faster for Tiger Lily. It turned out to be bullshit – a good number of runners finished in 46 minutes.
· Shoeshopper charged Boo for being an abrasive arse – he had yelled at the GM, “OY, WET BRAZILIAN! I CAN SEE YOUR BUM!” (The scribe has conveniently forgotten the context in which this occurred.)
Fuck-off, you c*nts, and on-on to The Colbar.