Run Report #2049 19/9/2012

The ‘Eastern Wilderness’ Run.

Hares: Pubic Zipp, Posh Nash, and Wet ‘n Wild

Where: Tampines Avenue 10 Heavy Vehicle Car Park

On On: Block 742A Foodcourt, Tampines Ave 9

The Run:

One hare set the run, one hare led the front runners, and the last hare swept. All would be well, we were sure, if any of them had a sense of direction? Anyway, off we headed to the end of the car park. There the pack got quite confused by the rubbish dump of used plates, old paper etc in the field – I don’t know what had them confused, there was a straight line of toilet paper heading over to Tampines Avenue 9.

With help from the remaining hare, the pack headed off down Tampines Avenue 9 following the fading pink chalk. A bit of confusion along the canal, into Tampines Park, and at the start of the eco-park kept everyone together, until the pack spread in 7 directions none of them following paper. No matter, the eco-park is a circle and the confusion got everyone back together as we crossed Tampines Avenue 12 to the bike park.

A nice bit of running through the bike park with lots of circle checks to slow everyone down – good marking by the front runners too. And then finally on home along Tampines Link, Tampines Industrial Street 62, and downtown Calcutta which WAS the forested area a few years ago.

The Circle: The GM calls in the only hare that is left, Wet ‘n Wild. Not Tonight is called in as a look-a-like for Posh Nash.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run, very nice running in eco-park and the bike park.

Tell us about your On On: In the spirit of the run, vague directions are given to Block 742A Foodcourt, Tampines Ave 9. It was a good dinner, one table, nice food.

Next week’s run: Lower Pierce Reservoir Carpark, by Father Anus.

Visitors / Returnees: Half Cut, Darin, Wayne (isn’t that F^&kin’ Easy), Kara (isn’t that Goes Down Easy), Milce, Nora, Stacey, Boxer, and Golden Shower.

New Member: Nay

Virgins: Kata, Leena.

Tits: absent with Not Kan forgot them.

Dick: Should be in Father Anus’ car, maybe we will see it next week.

Lippy: The GM waits for Hooray to emerge from behind the beer truck before calling the naughty boys in: Hooray, Boo (for his pretend shortcut), F$%kin Easy, and Mike (who was at the back the whole time, so should feel a bit short-changed).

Awards – Nope.


· Wet ‘n Wild calls in the Velcro Twins, who’s standards are clearly slipping! Yes, they still wear matching shirts, but take a look at Mike and Nora, who also have coordinated bottoms. C’mon Velcros, lift your game. They all get a drink.

· Wet Brazilian has a bone to pick with Sybil. At the start of the run she was all complaining about her sore knee, but when a cute associate shows up, she bounds out of her chair with alacrity. Sybil has a drink with Mike, claiming she is his #1 (“your wife can be #2).

· Sneaky Comer has a long memory. Back in the last century, the Velcros set a run using different hares for start, finish, and sweeping. That run was a near disaster, with front runners lost in Clementi wood at 7:30pm and not getting back until 8. Wet ‘n Wild was emotionally scarred by the whole affair, nearly washed away in a drain, which must be why she forgot the perils of the paper layer and the sweeper not having a common understanding of where the run goes. Anyway, give the Velcros and note for the emotional damage.

· Stiffy wants a Malaysian in the circle, actually two, a male and a female. Why? Apparently Malaysia has been giving tutorials on how to spot a budding gay son or daughter:

o Son:

§ Wears a light coloured shirt – on in Hooray

§ Wears a tight fitting v-neck – on in Mike

§ Has a liking for large balls – on in Slocum

o Daughter:

§ Has hairy arms and has to shave twice a day – on in Jackoff

§ Spends all her time with girlfriends

§ Spends the rest of her time on the phone with girlfriends

The boys get off, they are not gay enough. Jackoff might get off (she is beyond the “critical age”) but they would leave no-one to charge, soJackoff gets a drink.

· Slocum charges Stiffy with being “ageist” for saying Jackoff is over the critical age.

· Stiffy calls in his lawyer, which leads to the usual 5 minute negotiation over fees. Stiffy to Boo: “what happens if my modesty is outraged”? GM: “you should be so lucky at your age”. Boo: “what modesty have you got”? Ok, so Stiffy discharges his legal advisor and proceeds to tell the story of riding down the old railway line with his son, and why did he see? Well, a couple engaged in an act that is very likely not legal in Singapore. He mustn’t have been too outraged, he gave the couple a thumbs up on his return journey. Boo and Quickie get a drink as a look-a-alike couple outraging modesty everywhere.

· Wet Brazilian asks Boo if he is any good at maths? Why? Because he took us on a short cut that any 2nd grader knows is not a short cut:

a2 + b2 = c2 (c will always be shorter).

· Announcement: Jackoff and Suzee Wong announce that Lion City Hash has its 30th anniversary this year, and the D&D (Pearl of the Orient) is on Saturday 17th November at the American Club. Tickets $120 members, $140 guests.

· Announcement: Breast Cancer Awareness Run Wednesday 3rd October, will be in the city somewhere. Bras will be available for sale next week.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved hashing all our lives, and we ran the hash on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there are hash runs there.”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike..”

“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”

“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”

“Joe! Where are you?”

“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there are hash runs in heaven. Better yet, all of our old hash friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can hash all we want, and we never get tired. There are also free flowing ice cold beers of different brands after the runs with lots of food which never finishes.”

That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?

“You’re the hare for this Saturday’s run.”

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