Singapore Hash House Harriets

The Farewell Seamen Run

Lower Pierce Reservoir.

Hares: EMP & PWB

On On: On Site The Boxer’s Filipino delights.

The Harriet’s Classifieds.

 

40^th Anniversary Celebration

Saturday Oct 26^th

Cheval Restaurant, Turf City.

Member’s $99 – 7 course meal, free flow and entertainment. And a T Shirt Run.

Guests $120, or $110 if paid by the end of September.

 

Harriet’s Breast Cancer Awareness Run. October 2^nd, Dempsey.

Harriet’s Halloween Run, Wednesday Oct 30^th, Dempsey.

 

Red Dress Run. 1^st Saturday in October. See Dragon Breath.

Full Moon Hash (last Thursday, bad luck)

Samurai Tokyo Hash is holding the Olympics. Thanks Animal & No Nuts.

 

The Run:

Comes Quietly was certain we were in for trouble with the National Parks for not having a permit. The Hares had it covered though, because at this stage a permit is not required for Bishan Park and HDB’s, which is where we ran.

Hooray led Tiger Lily across the road so that she was first to pick up trail in Bishan Park. Seriously, it is no fun following Tiger Lily around as she tries to locate trail. At one stage she actually followed herself by doing a 360 degree loop around one of those little footpath roundabouts, calling out ‘Are you?’ to herself.

Knowing where the trail left the Park further up (I saw the markings from my taxi on the way), I left Tiger running in circles trying to catch her own tail.

Over the road and into the real world of HDB living. This was a fabulous insight into how some 70% of the population lives, including myself. A T Check on Ave 3 stuffed me, possibly because I was distracted by a nice pair of legs standing next to a chalk marking.

I ended up at Ang Mo Kio MRT, resulting in a rather long loop around to Sembawang Hills Drive before picking up trail again.

Meanwhile, most of the Pack cut through the back roads and Parks of Ang Mo Kio. Comes Quietly kept mumbling something about us not having a National Parks permit.

Finally he got his chance, as we hit the boardwalk for the final stretch home. However, the Hares had wisely avoided placing any markings in the National Park – let’s face it, once you are on the board walk there is only one way home.

Good run, nice sunset and not a sign of a permit. Well done Hares, who then gave out Hash socks to all the runners to remember them by. Especially when we get them dirty and smelly.

 

The Circle: Jack Off gets the Circle going with a roar, as she tells us what good value the 40^th Celebration is. It is not just a Celebration Run. And it is not just a Celebration Dinner. It is a Celebration Run and D&D combined. So that means alcohol from the time the Run finishes till midnight. Plus a full on meal. Plus entertainment. Plus a shirt. Plus a great run. Try doing that on your own in Singapore for $99. So there, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Sybil then declares she will be there, but she is after a 3 in one involving the lads visiting from Japan.

It’s a Celebration. Come and enjoy.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough park, more HDB, too much seamen.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Boxer’s Filipino delights. $12.

 

Next week’s run: At short notice, Two Jugs and Goes Down Easy. The Colbar.

 

Guests: Golden Shower, Trash, Park Whore Bitch, Vicki, Sweet Thighs, Bugle Boy, Just Jane, Eskimo Quinn, Stiff, Mr. No Nuts, Animal, Matahari, Butt Wiper, Dragon Breath, Foetus, Penile Extension, Ayam Zinking, EMP.

 

Lipstick: CR, the Tokyo boys, Butt Wiper and Hooray for leading Tiger Lily to the trail.

 

Virgins: Marta. She’s alright, she’s alright. But we could not verify she was flat chested as she was covered up with a jacket.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Sweet Thighs was ready to shove the Tits down the next throat who interrupted her charge. Actually, having Sweet Thighs Tits shoved into your mouth is not such a bad thought.

EMP & PWB texted her all night last Saturday at Oktoberfest – ‘where are you, where are you…’ So she finally catches up with them and as soon as they saw her told her they had to go now.

Just Jane & Goes Down Easy pestered her to go to the Pump Room. ‘Let’s go to the Pump Room, Let’s go to the Pump Room, Let’s go to the Pump Room…So she takes them to the Pump Room and 5 minutes later they tell her they want to go home.

Goes Down Easy takes the Tits, and a fine pair she has.

 

Dick: Golden Showers has Jack Off for calling him Raindrops, Two Jugs for calling him Golden Dragon, Kan Not Kan for telling him the Full Moon Run was next week, but was really this week, and Sybil for telling him she did not need him tonight because she had already been picked up. By popular demand, Pick Up gal gets the Tits.

 

Banana Protector: Zipp and Gypsy have taken it diving.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Jack Off is in savage form and lets fire at Sweet Thighs and Just Jane for disrespect to the GM. Not sure what they did, but being females the chances are they were probably chatting.
  
• Stiffy charges Animal from Samurai Hash for disrespect to a revered elder. He told another visitor to follow the old man. Not only disrespectful, but everyone knows you don’t follow Boo.
  
• CR explains that there will now be a standard charge of $100 for advertising runs at the Circle if you want them in our widely distributed and respectable weekly that now features a special Classifieds section. Far cheaper than the Straits Times and more widely read.
  
• Bugle Boy was told by EMP’s ex GF that EMP was a nice guy. But he got her a talking bird for a Birthday present. On the first night in her house, Talking Bird said, ‘New house, new madam,’ as soon as it saw the GF.
  

  Then 3 of the ex GF’s walked into the room, and talking bird said ‘New house, new girls.’
  

  The Ex GF was a bit puzzled by all this Bird Talk.
  

  Then EMP walked in the front door and Talking Bird looked up and said ‘Hello Shane.’ Boom boom.
  

• Dragon Breath was following Desperado. But it seems Desperado was more desperate than usual. She was following construction arrows. They could have ended up locked in a construction site with foreign workers.
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Aussie love Poem.

 

Of course I love ya darlin
You’re a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you’re gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don’t mind a bit of flab
It means that when I’m ready
There’s somethin’ there to grab

So your belly isn’t flat no more
I tell ya, I don’t care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I’m tellin’ ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it’s very sexy
That you’ve got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna’s grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I’ll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the cricket’s on
And fetch another beer!

Â
 

brings a lump to your throat doesn’t it!!

The Almost Good Enough Run.

International Business Park, Jurong East

Hares: Not Good Enough & Give Way

On On: On Site Delhi curry delights.

The Run:

The Hares appeared, one looking rather hot, sweaty and frazzled, while the other arrived by car looking remarkably fresh. A discrete (almost) heated discussion then took place on who should sweep, with one Hare adamant it would not be him as he would be risking a coronary malfunction.

This led to us being told that the run was set on a lot of marital angst, as well as some chalk, flour and yellow tape in the jungle. (Jungle in Jurong East?)

So off we set, immediately into the jungle looking for yellow tape. The Hares milked this endangered piece of Jurong vegetation for all that they could, winding us sideways and in and out as much as possible.

Eventually it was time to cross the canal and head towards the old railway bridge up near Sunset Way. But no, we headed the other direction and into some back streets. Far canal, interesting manouvre Hares. But the Hares had done their homework and found another plot of vacant Jurong land for us to admire and mentally calculate how many HDB’s (ed: shouldn’t that be condos) and shopping malls it could accommodate.

Another bridge back over the canal, where a local girl running towards us gave Stiff and me a suggestive look. Or was it the saliva dripping down our chin she was staring at?

The Hares had spared nothing for this run, having a lovely new pedestrian bridge constructed to bring us back over the AYE and straight into the Business Park.

Bugle Boy and I decided to show true companionship and finish the run together hand in hand rather than trying to out sprint each other. But 10 metres before the beer wagon, he pushed me over like a typical Yankee bully. May a fly land in your beer.

Everyone enjoyed the shorter run and chance for an early night. Thanks Hares, the angst was worth it.

 

The Circle: Jack Off gets the Circle going nice and early.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough angst, too long, too much sex. Bloody good run.

 

Tell us about your On On: Bloody Indian food from Bloody India, free beer.

 

Next week’s run: EMP, PWB farewell run at Lower Pierce Reservoir off Upper Thompson Rd.

 

Lipstick: CR, Comes Quietly, HR and Posh Duck still in his work clothes.

 

Guests: Golden Shower, Park Whore Bitch, Trevor, Vicki, Sweet Thighs, Bugle Boy, Just Jane, Eskimo Quinn, Stiff.

In and Out is in as a Returnee.

 

Virgins: rather scarce these days.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Kan Not Kan, on behalf of Kan the Kobra, is slow to get the Tits out. Sneaky Comer was a candidate for asking if Vicky ran, and if she did then did she pay? Bugle Boy is a chance for not getting lost. And Sweet Thighs for refusing to give KNK a lift. By this stage, there are a number of handbags in the Circle, so Goes Down Easy thoughtfully takes them, although Sneaky Comer was reluctant to give his up. And the winner is Sweet Thighs

 

Dick: Jack Off is holding it for Dragon Breath. She calls in Raindrops. Who is Raindrops we asked. She meant Golden Showers. With all the ensuing laughter, I missed the Charge.

 

Banana Protector: Zipp and Gypsy have taken it diving.

 

Awards – 400 100 Runs – Stiffener

100 Runs – Forced Entry

         400 Runs – Wet Pet

 

 

AOB:

• Not Good Enough is puzzled how Kan Not Kan and In and Out managed to turn a straight forward 40 minute run into a complicated 65 minute run.
  
• Sneaky Comer is puzzled how Jack Off and Two Jugs managed to not find their way home from the last bridge. It was 100 metres from the Beer Wagon.
  
• Birthday wishes to Bugle Boy, Goes Down Easy, Posh Duck.
  
• Bugle Boy tells a story about KNK getting his haircut at a barber in Chinatown. Everytime he was there, CR would turn up and ask the barber how long before KNK would be finished. And everytime CR would say that he couldn’t wait. Puzzled, the Barber finally sent Eskimo off to see where CR was going to. On returning, Eskimo replied that CR was visiting Kan the Kobra. Boom boom.
  
• Wet Patch [ed: is long gone, I think you mean Wet Pet, how late in the afternoon at Chong Pang was this run report written?] charges Jack Off for not knowing the difference between a raindrop and a golden shower.
  
• Stiffy charged Fu$kin’ Easy for being such a tight arse and taking his wife to the Hash for her Birthday.
  
• This backfired on Stiffy, as he was reminded that he took his wife to the Hash for their 25^th wedding anniversary
  
• Not Good Enough charged Bugle Boy for his Chinatown Barber story. It was all believable except why would CR need to go to a barber for a haircut??
  
• Sybil charged the 2 Hares. Normally they set a very long run at Telok Blangah. ‘F#*king long. And there are f#*king complaints. And thus she thanks them for tonight’s short run and no complaints. Not Good Enough compliments himself on getting his length right.
  
• Comes Quietly should have been charged for admiring how Croc Hunter still managed to get the Beer Wagon to the run site on time, despite being given instructions over the phone by a female (Sweet Thighs)
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

POOF, THE LIGHT GOES OFF ! 


A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, “Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Harry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I’m done, poof!, the light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry’s wife. “Mrs. White,” he says, “Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! The light goes off?” 

“OH GOOD GRIEF!” Mrs. White exclaims, “He’s pissing in the fridge again!”

The Flour Head Run (sponsored by Asian Tigers)

Block 30 Dover Rd

Hares: Wet Brazilian

On On: The Boxer on site

Croc Hunter

This guy does a lot more for us than he is paid to do. Please help him by replacing the caps on the water bottles after you shower and not leaving the containers scattered all over the place for him to gather up when we have all left. Several of the large containers can no longer be filled to the top because they don’t have caps.

 

The Run:

Stiffy turns up in his green sports car with a female who is obviously not his wife. The Hare turns up covered in flour all over her head. Oh, hang on, that’s not flour in her hair, that’s her hair. Hooray turns up, unfortunately. Comes Quietly turns up and is called for guest fees. Slocum turns up with a serious hobble but no bike. Fat Crashing Bastard turns up in sympathy with him and takes a seat. Sneaky Comer has sneaked off to Sydney without his wife and does not turn up… Wet n Wild does not turn up, preferring to sneak off to a wine bar with the gals while her hubby is away. Kamala is off on a hot date and does not turn up. And Boo doesn’t turn up as he is making his next million dollars at work.

So it was a sorry looking hird (Aussie AFL watchers will understand the significance of this spelling) of Hashers that assembled under threatening skies. Luckily there was a massive group of vibrant guests to fire us up. And keep the Treasurer happy.

The Hare said you can run in all directions from the site. And we did. Ambitious T Checks kept everyone cursing as we headed obviously towards Kent Ridge Park. Wrong. Another T Check sent us back into the Colbar area for some Black and White house running. That did not stop me from exploring Kent Ridge where I found no trail at all.

Realizing my slight misjudgment, I made a dash down Buona Vista Rd, coming across an equally lost Kannot Kan. In to Portsdown Rd where I finally picked up trail going towards the old railway line. Only thing was that by this time it was 6.50.

So while the Pack made their way towards Holland Village and the Ulu Pandan canal, I dashed back to Dover Rd where I picked up the home trail, including a lovely pink arrow encouraging runners to cross the road dodging traffic instead of using the lights only 50 metres away.

Everyone was happy and headed for a shower and cold drink.

 

 

The Circle: Jack Off calls us to order under a threatening sky, but luckily Dragon Breath has a supply of Asian Tigers umbrellas which she generously hands out. Thank you!

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too long, too short, too medium. The GM says no matter what sort of a run it was, it was still a good run.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Boxer, Lasagna, salad etc $12. Always good.

 

Next week’s run: Lentor Ave, Track 24. The Boxer Birthday Bash (will she do her own On On?)

 

Lipstick: Knobby Boy Scout, In and Out, Fat Crashing Bastard and Slocum, both of who didn’t run but sat on a chair all night, and a few visitors.

 

Guests: Dragon Breath, Fetus, Just Jane, Trash, Golden Shower, Dimples, Park Whore Bitch, Trevor, Mike, Two Cups One Girl, Far East F#*k, Just Greg, Totally Unacceptable, and Knobby Boy Scout.

In and Out is in as a Returnee.

 

Virgins: rather scarce these days.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Jack Off tells us she needs more thinking time.

 

Dick: Stiffy is happy as all his prayers were answered when he had a charge given to him on a silver plate. A female told him that she had a big problem at home. All her drains were blocked. Calling in a plumber, the root of the problem was quickly discovered – someone had been flushing wet wipes down the toilet. Dragon Breath owned up, claiming at her age her pussy gets a bit dry and needs some fragrant moistening. Oh my, with a husband called Butt Wiper, let’s not go any further with this one. Thank heavens the wet wipes did not make their way into NewWater.

 

The Banana Protector goes to Stiffy as his banana will need protection for all the gals he picks up in his sports car.

 

This springs Jack Off’s brain into action, and says if Stiffy is going to pick up gals in his green sports car, they may as well have big Tits. Stiffy takes the Tits as well, but not before Jack Off does one more jump up and down on the spot to bounce her Tits before she is back to normal. Slocum’s eyes pop out.

 

Awards –nope.

 

Announcements: 40^th Anniversary of Harriets, Oct 26^th

Cheval Restaurant, Turf City.

$99 – 7 course meal, free flow and entertainment.

 

AOB:

• Park Whore Bitch introduces his friend who is visiting Singapore and taking in all the sites. While in Orchard Towers he ended up in the middle of a police raid. Doors locked, music off, lights on. “men, you can all leave,’ said the constabulary, ‘gals, you stay right where you are.’ A Hash naming opportunity. OT Raider was the first suggestion, but was overrun by another choice. And with the power infected in her, Jack Off named our visitor forever more ‘Four Floors of Whores.’
  
• Slocum, while we were out running, witnessed a debate between The Boxer and Penile Extension on where to set up the food table. With rain threatening, one wanted it set up under cover of the HDB, while the other wanted it within arm’s reach of the beer wagon. Somehow Not Tonight weighed into the debate and ended up being charged for it.
  
• Knobby Boy Scout has an Exhibition on for the launch of his book, featuring disappearing aspects of Singapore. The Harriets feature in one of the photos. Not that the Harriets are disappearing, but the location of where the photo was taken is.
  
• Stiff reminds the GM that it was Boxer’s Birthday as well as Comes First.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

A Fairy Tale with a Happy Ending.

Once upon a time, there was a bloke who asked a sheila to marry him. She said no.

 

And so he lived happily ever after with his mates, drinking beer, playing golf, fishing, betting on the horses, farting in bed, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, taking an annual holiday to Pattaya, leaving the toilet seat up, subscribing to all the sports channels and going to the footy on a Saturday arvo. The End.

The In and Out of Puddles Run.

Hollandse Club, Camden Park.

Hares: Suzee Wong and In and Out

On On: Hollandse Club

 

The Run:

Under threatening, a mostly orange pack assembled in the car park of the Hollandse club. Pointed out the gate, the nice security guard opened the car gate for us with a bemused look on her face. So we went west on Camden Park and then south on Camden Park. Suspecting a T-check, I held back a bit, only to swear when the pack kept going, then looping back up north on Adam Road – sneaky.

 

Past the club, we then circled past the Japanese association and condos into the bush just south of the PIE, looping around through accumulated rubbish to a circle check at Kheam Hock Road. Up Kheam Hock to the cemetery, where a T-check sent us back across Lornie Road to another T-check into the reserve – oh so tempting.

 

Back down to Adam Drive and then down to the shoulder of the PIE, we crossed back under at Eng Neo and along the south Edge of PIE to the long short split at the top of Hillcrest Road. The short went back via Arcadia Road, while the long went down Hillcrest, up Watten Rise (appropriately named), down Shelford Road, and then back up Adam Road – phew puff puff. Good run hares.

 

The Circle:

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run universally declared.

 

Tell us about your On On: On the terrace of the Hollandse club, get your pre-orders now.

 

Guests: Penile Extension, Park Whore Bitch, In and Out, Sweet Thighs, Fetus, Golden Shower, Trash, Shipyard Flasher, Just Jane, Bugel Boy, Totally Unacceptable, Splint, Malfunktion, and Trevor.

 

Next week’s run: At the formerly abandoned but now resurrected HDB estate at Dover Road (kind of opposite Fairfield Methodist School). Run site will probably be in the car park behind block 30.

 

Virgins: Mark and Bryce. Who made you come? Park Whore Bitch, who seems to be hooked on the hash. Welcome, please keep recruiting!

 

Awards:

• Quickie, well done for 600 runs!
  
• Loose Change, well done for 800 runs!
  
• Mother’s Tongue, likewise for 400 runs!
  

 

Lipstick: Boo, Bryce, Hooray, Mike, Malfunktion, Penile Extension, Bugel Boy.

 

Tits: Someone, who shall remain nameless, left them in JB. Never mind, next week.

 

Dick: Not Good Enough has a long story brewing.

• Any Dutch here tonight? Just Jane and Give Way apparently. NGE wants to know why there is a cow at the gate of the Dutch Club. Just Jane reports that the cow is there to follow home if you are too drunk to find your own way.
  
• Sybil to represent people who love cows.
  
• Boo gave NGE the Tits last week and NGE still doesn’t know why, the charge was a little bit incomprehensible but something to do with English. After an explanation it turns out I should have gone to Stiffy – if you look down below you can see why – he has bike shorts on.
  

So in the end the Dick goes to Stiffy for “sartorial elegance”.

 

The Banana Protector: Fetus “got this unfairly” last week, which entitles to give it to Too Easy for bad parking.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Announcements: 40^th Anniversary of Harriets, Oct 26^th

 

AOB:

• Sneaky Comer notes that many of the pack were in Orange as requested by the hares and noted in the newsletter. Some didn’t get the memo, however, including Wet ‘n Wild, who as on-sec should probably know what’s in the newsletter. And to join her in a drink is Dances with Kerbs, who had asked why Wet ‘n Wild wasn’t in Orange – “didn’t she read the newsletter”. No, and neither did Dances with Kerbs who looked a bit shocked when it was reported that the instruction to wear orange WAS actually in there.
  
• In and Out had noticed Trash wearing a diaphanous dress and was admiring the view and reported the vista to Malfunktion, who proceeded to tell Trash and she moved away. So give nice view and spoilsport a drink.
  
• It was nice to have a proper shower at the club, wasn’t it? Not Good Enough was discussing this with Wet ‘n Wild, who reported her shower was a bit cold. She was then silly enough to wonder whether one of the other buttons on the shower might have been for hot water? Give the BIMBO a note.
  
• Not Tonight wonders if Penile Extension is left or right handed? Why? Boxer has a red left eye. But the charge is for Doctor Croc Hunter, who reached into his medical bag for Optrex to fix her up.
  
• Croc Hunter gets an unprecedented second drink for the lovely pink colour of his pumps (water pumps that is) tonight (from Loose Change).
  
• Boxer brings in the happy birthday cake for the August girls – Loose Change, Suzee Wong, Jackoff and Boxer.
  
• Bugel Boy wants the hares and Boxer in the circle. As we were running though the forest south of the PIE, there were tennis balls everywhere and Bugel Boy picked one up. Boxer asked why? There is always a reason, and at the end Bugel Boy decided the hares had “run his balls off”.
  
• Vish had a sympathy drink for picking tennis balls up for her dog.
  
• Mother’s Tongue to Stiffy – a MAMIL – middle aged man in Lycra.
  
• Wet Brazilian has a suggestion for future hares – don’t set a long / short run, set a run for long legged and a run for short legged. She was running with Wee Willy and had to sprint to keep up with him while he was walking. (I have look-alike Bugel Boy written down but memory is fading as to why).
  
• Sybil was walking with her chauffeur, Dances with Kerbs, who wasn’t satisfied with the length of the walk and wanted to “keep doing more”, apparently leaving Sybil behind. There was also something about Splint not being able to make mulled wine in December because of exams. Well it was Sybil, I was distracted by the tummy display.
  
• Park Whore Bitch helps out with the last three beers: Wet Brazilian for taking long run, Mike for wearing Orange (good study up), and Just Jane for following the cow home.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

 

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink.

 

After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom. The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.

 

He asks the first duck, “What’s your name?”

 

“Huey,” replies the duck.

 

“So, how’s your day been?”

 

“Oh, I’ve had a great day,” replies Huey. “I’ve been in and out of puddles all day.”

 

The bartender asks the second duck, “What’s your name?”

 

“Duey,” replies the duck.

 

“So, how’s your day been?”

 

“Oh, I’ve had a great day,” replies Duey. “I’ve been in and out of puddles all day.”

 

The witty bartender says to the third duck, “So I guess your name is Louie?”

 

The duck replies, “Nope, I’m Puddles.”

The Two F#*king Easy Run.

Lower Pierce Reservoir.

Hares: Goes Down Easy & F#*king Easy

On On: Chinese, near Casurina

 

The Run:

Will this run go down as too f#*king easy? One of the Hares arrived back with 15 rolls of toilet rolls still in his bag. This led to 3 possibilities:

1. The run was going to be very short, hence all the surplus paper.

2. The run was going to be very long, and the Hare had actually started out with a truckload of paper.

3. The Hare had eaten a Bombay curry last night.

After the Hares had given us special instructions, such as there will not be many markings at first, and then to look out for colored icy pole sticks, off we set towards the water. Along the Boardwalk, there was really only one way to go, but it did not stop Tiger Lily from calling ‘Are you?’ Gypsy did his best to scare off all the wild life with his very loud ‘On on’ calling.

Eventually the boardwalk ended and we hit the road. At Teacher’s Estate we found the long/short split.

The long run went down the steps for a bit of nice bush bashing, canal crawling and grass groveling. Great use of the area.

Back onto Yio Chu Kang Rd to join up with the short run to commence a tour of Ang Mo Kio Town. Lots of pavement and the pace heated up. Thankfully a number of red traffic lights gave us some breathing space.

Through Ang Mo Kio Town Park for a Circle Check that offered a 101 options. I decided to ask a local resident what general direction was Thompson Rd. This narrowed our options and soon we were away again.

A sprint through Bishan Park, one last bit of bush and grass and then along the path for a sunset view over the water.

Well done Hares, good use of the area with a bit of everything.

 

 

The Circle: Jack Off calls us to order, but as usual no one moved. Jack off started anyway.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? ‘Too f#*king easy, f#*king good run. With Zipp on banjo, our 2 Virgin Hares are given a well deserved down down.

 

Tell us about your On On: Chinese up the road near Casurina, $12.

 

Next week’s run: Hollandaise Club, Suzee Wong & In and Out.

 

Lipstick: CR, EMP, Bugle Boy and a few others, who I forgot to write down.

 

Guests: The Hash Cash has an orgasm, so many. EMP, In and Out, Trevor, Golden Shower, Dimples, Bugle Boy (pronounced Buggle Boy by the GM), Trash, Parkwhore Bitch, David, Splint. And In and Out returnee.

 

Virgins: Nope, just 2 virgin Hares.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Wet Brazilian tells of exemplary and poor behaviour on the Run.

1. Bugle Boy for warning calls. Along with the usual ‘trips, head, log’ etc, Bugle Boy also warned ‘Coconuts.’ Exemplary beaviour Buggle Boy.

2. Jack Off discovered her own route and then called the rest of the Pack ‘short cutters.’ And then denied everything by playing dumb. Poor behavior.

3. Trash grabbed Wet Brazilian by the arm and led her across the road on a red light. Unlawful behavior.

Jack Off gets the Tits, and actually seems very pleased with them.

 

Dick: Boo, who got the Dick last week for picking up the Kid’s Hash paper while they were running, reminds us that he has been missing a bit lately, but has maintained his membership during this time. On arriving tonight, he received a call of ‘Guest Fees.’ Hooray, who else.

And then Boo was asked by Stiffy, ‘Why are you here so much?’ Look a like Not Good Enough accepts the Dick on behalf of Stiffy.

 

The Banana Protector is with Fetus.

 

Awards –nope.

Announcements: 40^th Anniversary of Harriets, Oct 26^th

Kannot Kan questions the date and then mentions it clashes with the Red Dress Run. Unfortunately his argument falters when he fails to remember the date.

Kampong this Saturday (which now reads last Saturday).

 

AOB:

• Not Good Enough charged Slocum and Kannot Kan for announcing the Red Dress Run but forgetting the date. [Ed: 5^th October, see your newsletter email from last week].
  
• EMP charged Cock Radio for trying to hide behind a tree. Besides the tree not being very green, CR was wearing this year’s National Day shirt – Bright Orange. (Boo, can we have next year’s ND shirt in jungle camouflage please).
  
• Desperado had been complaining how desperate she was for things to do. So Hooray suggested she go to do the Koh Samui celebration run, he was going and there would be lots of Singaporeans there. So off she goes, all excited and arrives in Koh Samui for the Hash. There she stood on her own, not knowing even one person at least, because Hooray didn’t even go. Poor Desperado.
  
• Slowcum Asks Jack Off to jump up and down into the Circle because he has never seen her boobs bounce before. (Jack Off actually looked unbalanced with her new assets.)
  
• Gypsy then recited Martin Luther King’s famous speech to Jack Off, finishing off with a rewording to ‘Tits at last.’ (Sorry, not real familiar with the speech)
  
• Cock Radio heard that Two Jugs arrived a bit late, so decided to do the Short Run hoping to catch up. However, she became lost all alone in the jungle and had to turn back to home. Umm, Two Jugs, did you go down the steps at the long/short split? Yes was her reply. Two Jugs, there was no jungle on the short run; you were on the long run. L for LONG and S for SHORT. Give the blonde a drink.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

On Friday, A hooded robber burst into a bank and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into a plain brown bag.
As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber’s face.  
Without a moment’s hesitation, the robber shot the customer.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.  
The robber instantly shot & killed her also. 

Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”
There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.

Then, one old Australian named Bernie, cautiously raised his hand and said,

“My wife got a pretty good look at you.”

National Day Run.

Tagore Drive

Hares: Boo & Quickie, assisted by Zipp & Gypsy & Father Anus for recce

On On: On site, The Boxer

The Run:

National Day and a Boo & Quickie Run, followed by The Boxer food. We were really excited before the run; in fact Tiger Lily was so excited she had to have a pee. Only thing was, she did it on the Out Trail.

 

As the men passed over the Tiger Pee, they lifted their legs and added their markings to the spot. Around to the SLE side of the jungle, and we were looking for paper leading into the durian trails. But no, it was through the tunnel under the SLE. The Shiggy in the tunnel felt pretty bad; luckily it was too dark to see it. A sharp turn at the end of the tunnel led runners to dry land up by the SLE. If you took one step straight ahead after the tunnel, you ended up in deep water, as one unfortunate female found out.

 

Along the edge of the SLE towards Lentor Ave, where a Circle had been placed strategically on the other side of a waterway. EMP, Wee Willy and myself took the plunge and checked things out while the rest of the Pack stayed dry. Trail was found on the other side of Lentor Ave. I immediately realized the only way we can get back over Lentor was to run all the way along the edge of the MRT to the Springleaf canal and go under. Far canal, I thought to myself.

 

Back under Lentor Ave, it was time to hit the Springleaf jungle trails. Wrong. We took the sunny path along the edge of canal. By this stage the Pack was spread for kilometers. Into the grass border behind the Springleaf Estate, this offered opportunities for a jungle trail diversion. Nope. We stayed on the grass border all the way around the Estate. Finally a Circle in the field off Springleaf Ave. Tiger Lily took off, followed by Buttwiper. I was not sure if Tiger was just going for another Pee, as no one had called anything. By this stage, there was no one else in sight and the Circle was miles back. I was hoping EMP would see us, break the Circle and call the Pack. Alas it did not happen. Whoopsy.

 

Finally, jungle. For 50 meteres anyway, then out onto Upper Thompson. A tricky little exit into jungle via a small canal that required negotiating from side to side. Unfortunately Wet ‘n Wild failed to negotiate and took a tumble. A nice trail back home was marred by Heartbreak Hill. After 7kms of running, it confronted us menacingly. Pacemakers and heart rate monitors exploded as soon as runners looked at the hill. I watched Tiger Lily run it, followed by Buttwiper who stopped to walk ¾ of the way up. I did the same. EMP was forced to do the same, even though he had turned his heart rate monitor off when it went ballistic. I dread to think how others coped.

 

Tiger Lily missed the turn off down the embankment back to Tagore Drive, resulting in Buttwiper and myself ending up as Lipstick candidates. Blonde Japanese.

 

The Circle: Jack Off, after calling out for Jackie and being told that she is Jackie, gets the Circle going, as we watch a massive Hungry Ghosts fire burning down the road.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Boo pleads innocence, his hands were tied by Quickie, (Little did we think Quickie was into Bondage) who demanded ‘No Jungle Boo.’

So, too much jungle, not enough running. Far Canal! Good run, thanks Boo & Quickie. Thanks for the Shirts.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Boxer food, pumpkin soup, lasagna, salad, hash browns and ice cream. $12.

 

Next week’s run: Lower Pierce Reservoir, Goes Down Easy & F#*kin’ Easy.

 

Lipstick: CR and Buttwiper, because Tiger Lily missed the Home trail, Posh Duck, In and Out, F#*ks Easy and even the Hare, Boo. Possibly one or two others.

 

Guests: The Hash Cash has an orgasm, so many. EMP, Buttwiper & Dragon Breath,, Penile Extension, Fetos, Cam Lam Suo, Foreplay, Trash, Just Jane, Golden Shower, Dimples, PW Bitch, In and Out, Trevor.

 

Virgins: Nope, although Boo claimed to be a Virgin Hare. Virgin on the ridiculous I think.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Goes Down Easy has them but sort of refused to flaunt them. I can’t remember what happened here, and in the confusion I did not write anything. I remember someone commented that Goes Down Easy doesn’t need them. [Ed: I think they went to Wet Brazilian as cushioning but can't be sure of the reasons].

 

Dick: Gypsy claims he could have given it to Mother Tongue, who asked him if she could borrow a comb. But there is a better candidate, Boo, who gave him a perfect charge served on a silver platter.

 

Boo was out doing a recee (he could have stayed home and used the street directory) on Sunday and came across fresh paper on his trail. Cursing and swearing at another Hash butting in on his run, he pondered which Hash it could be? So as he walked along picking up the paper, he thought: Tuesday, no. Monday no. Sunday is next week. Friday no, Thursday no. His thoughts were interrupted by a group of kids coming towards him looking decidedly lost. ‘Hey mister, have you seen any toilet paper lying around?’

Yep, it was the Kid’s Hash. Shoving the paper up his shirt, Boo then directed them the right way. Well done Boo, party pooper.

 

Awards – nope.

 

AOB:

• Stiffy reminds us that as we get older we forget things. During the week, Jack Off asked Stiffy where this week’s run was. Ah Jack Off, you should not forget Singapore’s Birthday, you forgetful Singaporean you.
  
• Buttwiper is confused, which is what happens when you spend too much time running behind Tiger Lily. He gets EMP with his National Day shirt to lie on his back, then Just Jane to lie the opposite way next to him. The number on EMP’s shirt says 9 (depending which side of the Circle you were on) while Just Jane’s says 6 (again depending on perspective) Either way, we have a 69er shirt.
  
• Cock Radio reckons there was a lot of running tonight, but for our ultra marathon guru, Sybil, to finish and say ‘Boo, there was a lot of running tonight,’ just shows what a challenge it was.
  
• Stiffy gets CR back in to the Circle and asks why I have a towel wrapped around me. Because I forgot my shorts. Well, Stiffy says that as well as being unfashionable, people on the other side of the Circle to where I am sitting scribing are throwing up at the sight. Well, Stiffy and our Haberdash, Deb, produce a pair of Thai style wrap around shorts for me that became the envy of everyone. I wasn’t too keen on Stiffy dressing me in them and tying up the cord, but yeah, they are pretty cool shorts. Place your orders with Deb guys.
  
• EMP heard Just Jane’s comment when Boo said before the run that there are just 2 hills. ‘Hope they are both downhill,’ said the blonde.
  
• In and Out heard on the BBC that workers found a 15 tonne lump of congealed fat in an English sewer pipe. (This is what happens when you eat all the pies) Appropriately Buttwiper is brought in and flushed for this shitty charge.
  
• Penile Extension spoke of the good runners, Tiger Lily, Just Jane, Sybil etc. H e arrived late and so ran out the opposite way on the Home trail. So who was the first runner he came across? No, not Tiger Lily. He only got 100 meters and there was Stiffy.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Work or pleasure???

An RAAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff ….

Whilst waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled. 
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. 
He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure”

• A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
  
• A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.
  
• A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
  

There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the young Corporal who was in charge of making the coffee. What the Group Captain wondered was his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”
The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked “And, why exactly would that be the case?”

The young Corporal replied, “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
The room fell silent.
May God Bless the lower ranks.

Sengkang Riverside Park

Hares: Kan The Kobra & Kannot Kan

On On: Koufus

The Run:

Well it’s great to be back. Pre Run events were easier to write about than the actual run, for reasons you will see later.

 

Immediately on my arriving at the run site, Shut the F#*k calls out ‘I haven’t seen Cock for months.’ Not sure if that was her greeting to me or a lament about the state of her marriage. Comments were then made about the color of a car parked next to the beer wagon. It was a sort of lilac color, according to Comes Quietly, but was best described by EMP as ‘Purple laffy taffy.’ Zipp said she would not even buy nail polish that color.

Next Croc Hunter and Stiffy were seen sitting on the path back to back, bookend style. I think Stiffy was stretching his quads and Croc Hunter saw the opportunity to scratch his back against Stiffy’s. Sort of like a cow against a tree.

Then the Hare turned up looking remarkably fresh in a lovely purple dress (not laffy taffy purple) with green, orange and white print and matching green shell sandals. How did she set the run dressed like that?

Stiff tells us in detail of his stomach woes and warns to keep a safe distance behind him.

And Boo turned up.

Now for the Run. The first 10 minutes kept everyone together, sort of, as we made our way parallel to the TPE. Girl screams were heard from Shut The F#*k up who encountered a rat in her path. Or was it Manuel’s Siberian Hamster?

And this was where things turned pear shaped. The trail just completely disappeared – in fact markings became as scarce as rocking horse shit. It turns out that in all his wisdom, Kannot Kan had set this part of the run yesterday, and someone picked up his paper T Check he had carefully laid.

Runners soon became scattered all over Sengkang looking for trail but to no avail. But we had fun looking and enjoyed taking the trails that we thought we might have been going on. Wee Willy, myself, Boo, Boxer and others headed towards Jalan Kayu. Stiff did laps of the toilet block. I have no idea where everyone else ended up.

But 3 runners came across the Hare, who directed them to the real trail which took them under the TPE for a lengthy jaunt around the rivers. Well done Shut the F#*k Up, Sarah the Swede and EMP who get their Girl Guide Certificates for completing the Run.

But how did Sarah the Swede come back looking so squeaky clean?? She was last seen covered in mud all the way up to her Swede little bippies as a result of becoming firmly stuck in a shiggy mud patch and falling in slow motion onto her back, leaving her shoes entrenched at the bottom. Shiggy Swede. So she took advantage of one of the rivers the other side of the TPE and had a swim. Swimming Swede.

On the other hand, Shut the F#*k up was complaining about what horrible nasties may have snuck into her nooks and crannies in some of the horrible ‘water’ she went through.

Well done Hares, good run even if most of us were not on trail. No complaints from anyone, it’s Wednesday and this is the Harriets. And best of all, no Hooray!

 

The Circle: Two Jugs gets things on the way and quickly gains respectful authority from the good sized group of misfits.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? ‘What run?’ Muddy, shitty, good fun. Sarah the Swede complained it was a lonely run. So lonesome Single Swede.

Tell us about your On On: Koufu for very good seafood at a heavily Hare discounted price of $12.

 

Next week’s run: Tagore Drive for the National Day Run, Boo and crew.

 

Lipstick: EMP, Stiff, CR, Boo and a few others received the Mustafa $2 lipstick. Harriets spare no expense.

 

Guests: EMP, Malfunktion, Golden Shower, Shut the F#*k Up, Sarah the Swede, Foreplay, Ayam Kampong, Stiff.

 

Virgins: Nope, although EMP tried as a look alike.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: missing, with Goes Down Easy

 

Dick: missing, with Gypsy.

 

Awards – nope.

 

AOB:

• Malfunktion noticed a tiny little patch of water on the ground where Cock Radio had showered. How can someone this size shower with only 750mls of water? Because there was Tiger Lily the other side of the Beer Wagon with enough bottles of water lined up to wash a whale with.
  
• Not Tonight introduces the Senior Minister Emeritus to the Circle, Father Anus, who has just arrived in his dapper work clothes.
  
• The Senior Minister says it is refreshing to see a new GM, even just a fill in GM. But she only has her trainer F#*k Me Shoes on.
  
• Not Tonight brings in Sarah the Swede, who still has not changed out of her running clothes. Stinky Swede. For efforts in bathing in the bog, several Hash names were put forward but no agreement. Not Tonight. Still Sarah (Smelly) Swede.
  
• Wet Brazilian retells the moment of Sarah Swede becoming entrenched in the bog and losing her shoes. Who came to the rescue? Stiff. What a man. What a mud wrestler.
  
• Ayam Kampong tries Mud Wrestler as a name for Sarah Swede. Nope, it didn’t stick like it should have.
  
• Malfunktion remembers one time he fell forward in a bog patch. As he lay there prone in the mud, Sybil saw the opportunity to use him as a stepping stone to safely get across the other side.
  
• Tiger Lily, being an Educator, keeps up her professional reading. While browsing through a PE Journal, she came across an article about Premature Ejaculation. Father Anus and Cock Radio raced into the Circle to see who comes first.
  
• Shut the Fuck Up calls in the Hares to show them the state of her legs – cut to pieces thanks to their trail. There goes her modeling career.
  
• Cock Radio calls in Shut the F#*k up and suggests that with legs like that, no wonder she has not seen cock in months.
  
• Stiffy wanted a South African or Kiwi in, we had none and I can’t remember the look alike. But New Zealand has refused a South African his visa renewal because he is too fat. Who ate all the pies?
  
• Cock Radio then claimed the South African refused a ticket to leave NZ on Air New Zealand- yep, because he was too fat.
  
• EMP said the trail was really tough and the jungle creatures ferocious. He saw a bike that had been stripped clean by monkeys. They breed them tough in Sengkang.
  
• Kannot Kan calls in Father Anus and Malfunktion as 2 old uncles that should be searching that jungle for stuff they can take for recycling.
  
• Our stand in GM, Two Jugs, was rather nervous tonight. She was a virgin GM. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she had the ex GM giving her reminders about what time it was and when it was time to start, make sure you get the guest list, don’t forget the lipstick, remember next week’s Hares and so on. On in Wet Brazilian, you bossy ex GM. Where do ex GM’s get recycled?
  

 

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio. Great to be back!

 

Children Writing About the Ocean….

  1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.  What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.  (James, age 7)

Blackmore Drive, but different

Hares: Lethal Weapon & Father Anus

On On: The Red Lantern

The Run:

Well the hares promised something different and so I wisely (as it turned out) hung back as the pack headed off down parallel with the railway line on the new road, currently closed. Sure enough, a T near the corner had them trudging back while the walkers and Hooray headed out into the middle of the old cemetery (yes, it was a cemetery, lest we forget). Diagonally across we went to the corner of Holland Pln, whatever that is, for a circle check that led us up behind the houses of Greenleaf Road. We haven’t been up there for a while but the builders have, so we had a treacherous track over mounds of rubble and building materials until we reached Holland Road. From there it was down to the old railway line and a straight run home. Nice hares, if a little short.

 

The Circle: started so early the hares, next week’s hares, anyone subject to lipstick and the virgins were all caught with their pants down!

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Lethal Weapon was still showering so Father Anus brought in a virgin to stand in for the hare. The run was short but we do favour quality over quantity so a good run was declared.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Green Lantern, wherever that is, for $12 a head. We had at least 3 tables, so a good turn-out everyone!

 

Next week’s run: The hare is still getting changed and trying to figure out where the run will be.

 

Virgins: Heather was previously called into the circle with Father Anus when she said “F*ck”. The GM asks “is this a hasher or what?” Brought by Lethal Weapon, she certainly seems a good recruit so far. Give her a drink.

 

Guests: Sarah, Eric, Josh, Sweet Thighs, Trevor, Dragon Breath, Butt Wiper, Golden Shower, Lap Dancer, Comes Slowly (or, as he should be known, Big Beer Breasts), Singapore Sling, and Bagless Too (fresh from the wilds of New Guinea). The GM enthusiastically tries to sell memberships to all our guests, not realizing we make more gross margin on them as visitors (take that Friday).

 

Tits: Fat Crashing Bastard has them, and true to form he brings them in with a whinge – “they are so big they f&cked my back”. Candidate is easy, in fact Goes Down Easy. She has been away for a long time but hasn’t forgotten her roots – tree roots, one of while she fell over straight away, or holes, one of which she fell in. Give her the tits to break her fall for next time. When asked how she will explain the tits to her kids, she replies that she will “hide them in the trunk”, at which she is charged for child abuse – you can’t hide your kids in the trunk of the car, no matter how inconvenient they are!

 

Lipstick: Bagless Too, Hooray, Comes Slowly, EMP, and Josh (who enjoyed his lipstick just a little too much).

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Dick: still on vacation with Gypsy.

 

Awards – nope.

 

AOB:

• EMP brought Josh to the Friday hash as a virgin, he was silly enough to wear new shoes with bright yellow laces, and then jumped in a muddy mucky hole. He jumped out with alacrity which reminded EMP of this new French sport of Paracort (or something like that). This sounds like a name, and Jackoff is quick to “infest” him with the name “Park Whore”.
  
• EMP points out that Park Whore is dressed like a frenchman, with his striped shirt and all. Tries to lead a chorus of Le Pappillier (or whatever) but no-one knows the words.
  
• Not Tonight calls Lethal Weapon and Jackoff in the circle as the main hare has not yet been recognized. Give them both a note.
  
• Dragon Breath was at a T check with Park Whore and Eric. But they were talking, “more than me”. So Dragon Breath went off checking; and she fell in a hole. F*ck, she is thinking, this could be a snake hole, can someone pull me out. No, Eric and Park Whore head off and should have got lipstick. Unfortunately there is none left so Park Whore gives Eric a kiss.
  
• Eric remarks that he now knows what being kissed with a beer stubble is like. This is too much for the circle, who decide to name Eric as “Park Whore Bitch”.
  
• Stiffy has a bike hasher in for wearing bike hash gear in the circle. Also calls in the GM for not having haberdash here to sell stuff.
  
• Next Week’s Run reported by Kannot Kan as Sengkang Riverside Park with on on at Koufu.
  
• Too Easy has Stiffy in for the quote of the day “it’s not stiff enough”.
  
• Father Anus asks his fellow hare into the circle. He has known her for almost 10 years, and for all that time she has had a crappy old Nokia phone “made last century”. Now, finally, she has an iPhone, which was given to her by a colleague who couldn’t stand her using the old phone. But it has its perils. On the weekend, after a recce, she was worried, she had lost her phone and asked Father Anus to ring it. She found it, looked at it, and exclaimed “oh, I have a missed call from you, should I call you back”? Give the BIMBO a note.
  
• Sybil: “since I came” – “not for 40 years” remarks FCB – I have wanted to congratulate Stiffy for the royal baby. But Stiffy is upset because someone stole his old flame, “Camelia”.
  
• Kannot Kan thanks Father Anus and Lethal Weapon for the run which was “better in reverse”. You had to be there.
  

 

On that note, its on on on to the “Green Lantern”

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

Lorong Sesuai, car park near steps

Hares: Too Easy & Fat Crashing Bastard

On On: 24 Lorong Sesuai, food by Boxer and beer by Hares

The Run:

The hare’s confidence that this would be a nice trot, about 6.5km, was dispelled a little by one of the hares crawling around on hands and knees before the run, moaning in pain. Oh well, off we went with quite a few virgins in tow, up the hill to the obligatory T-check. The pack confidently headed down the path along The Hillside, almost reaching Upper Bukit Timah Road despite the complete absence of trail markings. The hare still able to walk called us back, a bit bemused that the check had used up 10 minutes and might make the rest of the run a little long.

 

Down through the car park again (one of those dreaded back through the run site checks) and through the park to Bukit Batok East Avenue 2, where another check confounded for another 5 minutes before Dances with Kerbs pointed us up Bukit Batok East Avenue 2 (here we were on yet another tour demonstrating the creativity of the Singapore authority responsible for naming roads). Right onto Bukit Batok East Avenue 5 and past Little Guilin Lake, before another check had us heading up the side of Bukit Gombak Stadium and up into the town park to the consternation of a few locals taking their afternoon exercise running around and around and around and around the stadium running track.

 

Up and over the hill before looping back along the park fence and back onto Bukit Batok East Avenue 5 and retracing our steps down Bukit Batok East Avenue 2 to the nature park, where the drink stop was located at the “Plaza Area”. Seriously strong Margarita’s then held the pack for a good 30 minutes before we staggered back up the hill to the run site.

 

The Circle:

Delayed a little for noise and beers, the circle formed up noisily about 8:15pm.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? “Too short”. The GM brandished the run announcement which promised Chocolates and Champagne. Where was the Champagne, she wanted to know? Anyway, good run, thanks hares.

 

Tell us about your On On: at the house of Mother’s Tongue, Boxer’s fabulous food and beers provided by the hares.

 

Next week’s run: Father Anus stepped in to announce the run but couldn’t remember where it was. Fortunately the scribe had a text and an email from the hare not suffering from memory loss, the run will be at Blackmore Drive (but different).

 

Virgins: Welcome some lady virgins: Lily, Isa, and Elizabeth, all in new shoes! (Or they were new shoes). Will they come again? Not sure.

 

Guests: Eric, Ditch, Sweet Thighs, Golden Shower, Bagless Too, Circle Jerk, Butt Wiper, Dragon Breath, Comes Slowly, Ayam Kampong, Lap Dancer, Foreplay, Singapore Sling.

 

Returnees: Virginia Slim for the last time, Quicksand.

 

Lipstick: Stiffy, Wee Willie, Comes Quietly, and Slocum (on his bike).

 

Tits: Comes Quietly calls in Fat Crashing Bastard. “It is one thing for the birthday boy to have a shag on the run, it is another thing entirely to leave the wet soggy mattress lying across the trail”.

 

Dick: on leave with Gypsy.

 

Banana Keeper: on leave with Gypsy.

 

Awards – nope.

 

AOB:

• Not Tonight wants the hares in the circle. There were multiple injuries on the run tonight. When the hares came back from setting the run, FCB was bent over like an old man. Then Comes First was massaging her neck after the run; and she reported that her horse had stumbled and that’s how she hurt her neck. However, after a few drinks she confessed it was the stud she was dancing with on Saturday night.
  
• Mother’s Tongue also saw the soggy mattress on trail, but discovered that Too Easy knew nothing about it. So what was FCB using it for? Does he want to make a confession?
  
• Slocum weighs in, asking FCB if the mattress (and use thereof) wasn’t the reason for the sore back?
  
• Jackoff weighs in on FCB’s pending insobriety, by pointing out that normally on his birthday runs, he brings high quality chocolate. So what’s the rubbish he brought tonight, including fake Kit Kats?
  
• Sweet Thighs doesn’t come to Harriets very often and had forgotten about the woman in front thing. So when EMP called for a woman at a check, and she came running, she was a bit offended that he ditched her for someone else.
  
• Dragon Breath also has a woman in front charge. Bagless Too had called for a woman and when Dragon Breath obliged, he retorted “no, not you, someone who can run”.
  
• Circle Jerk seems to think FCB looks like Michael Caine, and was reprising his role in the Italian Job by blowing up trees. [Ed: well that's what I wrote down anyway].
  
• FCB had help from Sybil in mixing the Margaritas. Sybil was apparently a bit concerned about the amount of Tequila that went into the drink. [Ed: so was the rest of the pack, good Margaritas!!!!]
  
• FCB had someone in, might have been Stiffy? This person has crashed cars, bikes, and shopping trolleys. But tonight he crashed the drinks esky on the way down to the drink stop, spilling half the precious contents onto the road.
  
• At this point, Boxer brought in a birthday cake for FCB.
  
• Butt Wiper observed EMP closely following Circle Jerk up a steep slope and closely observing his ass. Give the gay boys a note.
  
• Not Tonight called in all the bike hashers to the circle. Anyone who DIDN’T talk about the bike hash on the run tonight was then invited to leave. No-one did and they all get a drink.
  
• On that note, Jackoff was asked by Singapore Sling what the difference between the bike hash and the hash was. Give the B.I.M.B.O. a note.
  
• Kannot Kan has a point of order. Big Beer Breasts presented himself to the hash as “Comes Slowly”. Can he really change his name? No.
  
• Dragon Breath overheard a conversation between Sweet Thighs and Ditch. “Ditch, get behind me”; then “now push, harder”; then “don’t leave me, I got bitten”. She wonders what happens in the bedroom?
  
• Circle Jerk calls in Big Beer Breasts and asks which country he is from? The US, where everything is BIG. So how did he come to the hash? On his British made Brompton bike, peddling up Lorong Sesuai like a mad Gerbil.
  
• Golden Shower weighs in….he saw the giant gerbil at Paya Lebar station, going the opposite way to the hash. Apparently he thought the Circle Line would be quicker, and arrived about 10 minutes later.
  

 

Scribed by Sneaky Comer