The Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch Memorial Run

Mt Sinai Rise, canal lane.

Hares: Wet Brazilian & Posh Nash

On On: E-sarn Thai Cuisine, Ridgewood Condo

 

The Run:

Far Canal, what a run. The short was long and the long was far canal long.

First Circle at Ulu Pandan intersection confused the Pack. What, we go down one side of the canal and then go the other side in the opposite direction for 2kms? Come on.

Ok, the other side of the canal along the connector path we went. Two Jugs and Hubby enjoyed the scenery and strolled hand in hand. Not with each other though.

Admittedly, due to T Checks, there were some detours, and lucky no one detoured to hospital with a broken ankle. Through some ugly and very smelly ‘jungle,’ Dover MRT passed by us and it was back onto the canal connector to join the walkers.

Paper was seen the other side of the canal. Over we go. Here things got a bit slippery. Especially if you took the tiered waterfall drain up the wall that Comes Quietly and I did. Our sense of achievement was deflated when we scampered over the top only to see Hooray lurking.

Well, it was here almost that the long /short split was reached. Posh Nash led the hardy and foolish on the long. Long was far canal long.

Long runners back in 1 hour 20 minutes for an 8km workout. Apart from Forced Entry who came back in 90 minutes.

 

The Circle: Jack Off gets the troops gathered on the grass.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A good far canal run. The Hares said it was an excellent run.

 

Tell us about your On On: Thai in the condo up the road.

 

Next week’s run: Stiffy and Josephine, Pepys Rd.

 

Guests: Oh dear, I found last week’s list but now I have lost this week’s. Well, there were Comes Quietly’s friends and a few others.

 

Lipstick: Hooray, 2 visitors, Penile Extension, Boo, Comes Quietly, CR.

 

Tits: Wet Brazilian forgot them…..

 

Dick: Comes Quietly charged Posh Nash, who almost led the way on the long run, for giving false clues at checks.

 

Banana Protector: Wet Brazilian forgot it ……

So Posh Nash quickly passes her the Dick – so now she has all 3.

 

Awards –Nope.

 

AOB:

• Get well Too Easy…
  
• Tiger Lily was congratulated for winning a race, even though she completed 2 laps of the course instead of 1. Didn’t see the ‘Finish’ sign.
  
• Boo told Stiffy that when you retire as a teacher you need to move on, not return to teaching.
  
• Boo then got the Aussies in for spying on the Indonesians.
  
• Stiffy warns future Hares that their run site must include a disabled ramp to cater for injury prone runners such as Too Easy.
  
• Cock Radio takes a self picture of himself and the Aussies. Yes, ‘Selfie” is the Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year, and it originated in Australia.
  
• Wet Pet states that in the UK, a selfie is what you do to yourself when you don’t have a partner.
  
• Penile Extension lines up 3 runners – this Aussie got a Stiffy having a Selfie with Quickie. Yippee.
  
• Hooray charged Stiff for lending the girls a groping hand instead of a helping hand in a difficult part of the run. It’s the thought that counts. Although we know exactly what Stiff was thinking.
  
• Tiger Lily complained of suffering dizzy spells from looking at Hooray’s shirt.
  
• Our visitor from Cambridge wants a ride to the On On – he is old and has a full bladder.
  

   

On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio

 

 

Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.”

 Â
 

Here is an astute answer:

  Â
 

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE;

        but, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.

                And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

                        you are ‘COMPLETELY FINISHED’!”

The Comes First Cock Run

Sembawang Rd (opposite Sembawang Shopping Centre)

Hares: Comes First & Cock Radio

On On: Coffee Shop next door

 

The Run:

Dodging lightning bolts while setting the last part of the run, the Hares abandoned ship and took cover under the MRT track. The run could be short.

A Pack of about 30 hardy (foolish?) runners assembled under a damp sky lit up by lightning bolts. Not even Quickie was game to put up her umbrella. The Hares had to be coaxed out from underneath the beer truck where they had been cowering from the storm. Goes Down Easy brought her parents along, as if they hadn’t been shocked enough by their ‘innocent’ daughter, now she is giving them an electrifying experience.

Into the jungle at the back of the housing for a nice little trail through to Gambas Ave. Tiger Lily blindly led the way. Eventually across Sembawang Rd. and Boo headed along the grass clearing between the houses and jungle – ‘Aw come on, we always go this way,’ he was heard to say. Sorry Boo, not tonight, it was along the canal. ‘Far canal’ muttered Boo.

Sooky sooky la la runners, led by Comes Quietly, managed to get to the canal trail by backtracking a little bit to avoid crossing a rather ugly bit of shiggy. You whoozes.

A soggy trail along the canal to the MRT line. Even Stiff got his feet wet. As one of the taller runners, he also had a flotilla of shorter female runners around him, hoping he would be their lightning rod. Mmm, a Stiff rod, no wonder.

Into a bit of jungle parallel to the MRT line. The paper trail began to become a little haphazard – it was about here that the Hares were zig zagging dodging the directly overhead lightning bolts. Thoughtfully placing paper trail was not a priority.

Runners back in an hour, apart from Quickie and co who were missing. Did they shelter in a Coffee Shop? Boo was heard to say, ‘This is good, my wife is not back yet,’ as he grabbed another beer. I can feel a charge coming on.

 

 

The Circle: Wet Brazilian, who got horribly lost driving to the run site and arrived late, decided not to get further lost by running, and devoted all of her energy to running the Circle instead. Dedication for you. (She actually sat in the car drinking wine with Comes First while we all braved the elements out on the run. Fair enough too I reckon)

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? An electric run, shocking. Too many runners bolted. The Norwegian visitors dedicated a song – ‘Shiggy trail, shiggy trail…’

 

Tell us about your On On: Coffee Shop just there over the canal. Don’t take the little arched bridge with handrails – it’s not there anymore. They were told to remove it – probably by the same authorities that had a go at the Red Lantern for being too enterprising. Bastards. (After watching Gypsy test the wooden plank going across, I recommend we all walk around on the road)

 

Next week’s run: Return to Mt. Sinai Rise, Wet Brazilian.

 

Guests: Let me find my list. Oh dear. Think it was struck by lightning. How shocking. Ok, from memory, Goes Down Easy’s parents, Shitty Norwegian guests, Ayam Kampong and others. Good turn up.

 

Lipstick: This was done totally out of order, Wet Brazilian is losing it? Did she ever have it? Trevor, Imperfect Member, Hooray, Dry Run, Stiff, Raindrop, Stiffy and more.

 

Tits: Stiff inherited the Tits from Wee Willy, who has been transported to the Colony of New South Wales for the Term of his Unnatural Life. Anyway, for getting lost multiple times on the way to the run and then refusing further losture (why is that not a word?) on the run by sheltering in Comes First’s car, Wet Brazilian gets the Tits. Why don’t we have a pussy award?

 

Dick: F#*kin’ Easy told how Posh Duck smelt Durian on the run – what could be better than ripe durian you may well ask yourself. Try smelling Comes Quietly when he gets out of the shower. He wins nose up.

 

Banana Protector: Is that a banana protector hanging out of Stiffy’s shorts or is he just pleased to see us? Good grief, I really hope it is the former. Anyway, he asks an expert, Wet Brazilian, who has 4 males in her family, what is the average penis size. She tried us with 12 inches, but we knew she was dreamin. 6 inches she tried again. Wrong said Stiffy, 5 inches. Was he talking from personally experience? No, internet of course. Wet Brazilian then complained about being short changed..

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• At this stage, Sweet Thighs and Ayam Kampong put on a comedy skit. Deciding to raise an umbrella in this thunderstorm was funny enough. But somehow they turned it inside out so it resembled a satellite dish. Were they trying to get a weather forecast update?
  
• ‘Dry Run’ from Oslo was a little damp, mentioned something about Goody New Shoes.
  
• While our Norwegian guests were in, they were repaid with a little song that basically went ‘Shitty guests, shitty guests……
  
• Stiff was concerned about all the lightning and asked Boo why he was back before Quickie and where was she? ‘I am a responsible grandfather and not young anymore, so I sent my wife out.’ Don’t follow Boo’s wife.
  
• A Sybil jig saw charge – you try and piece it together: Lost. Fine. Goes Down Easy’s parents sightseeing. Chong Pang. No camera. Hold Boos’ umbrella. Raindrops. Gypsy – miss your wife? Husbands charged.
  
• Cock Radio, having changed his shorts 3 times already tonight, pays out on his Co Hare. As they stood in an open field with lightning bolts scorching the ground all around them, Comes First went into some sort of meditation pose, chanting ‘Hummmm,’ and declared ‘Can’t you feel the energy is releasing, the storm has passed.’ At that moment there was an almighty flash and crack overhead. Cock Radio released his remaining energy, as well as bowels, by sprinting for shelter under the MRT line, closely followed by Comes ‘Second’ in this instant. Hummmm, oh my Buddha.
  
• Goody New Shoes told how the Finnish people are impatient. I think she told us to drink our down down faster.
  
• The ‘Lost Ones,’ Quickie, Sybil, Dances With Kerbs, Zipp, Mrs. Raindrops were given an electric charge for getting back 30 minutes after the Pack. Which Sembawang Coffee Shop gals?
  
• With the above Ladies still ‘lost’ out on ‘trail,’ someone suggested it was not a problem, as Zipp was with them and she has good compass sense. This was confirmed by asking Gypsy ‘Zipp will be able to get them back ok, correct?’ Gypsy replied ‘ No f#*king way.’ I feel another charge coming on or a belt across the ear.
  
• Zipp confesses that she recently got lost with Wet ‘n Wild on the Kampong Run. And Zipp was the Hare. Honesty for you.
  
• Zipp and Wet ‘n Wild do a duo. ‘Where’s next week’s run?’ ‘ Oh, somewhere in the West.’ ‘Somewhere in the wet?’ Yeah, ok, it is a Wet Brazilian Run.
  
• Raindrops charged Gypsy for being clueless. Describing to everyone where he got lost, Gypsy pointed in the direction of JB. No wonder he got lost, he didn’t bring his passport.
  

   

On on to the On On. (Next door to car park, great location and food, happy to have us. 24 starters. Great night thanks all)

Scribed by Cock Radio

 

Almost good lawyer jokes:

 

Bugle Boy went to his almost good lawyer, Foo, and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof?”, asked almost good lawyer, Foo. “Nope,” replied Bugle Boy.

“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you,” said almost good lawyer, Foo.

“But it’s only $500!” replied Bugle Boy.

“Precisely, that’s what he will reply and we will have the proof we need,” said almost good lawyer, Foo.

 

A dog ran into Posh Duck’s backyard and grabbed a rump steak off his BBQ. Fortunately, Posh Duck recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his who happened to be an almost good lawyer, Foo.

Incensed at the theft, Posh Duck called up his almost good lawyer neighbour, Foo and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a rump steak from my BBQ, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The almost good lawyer neighbour, Foo replied, “Of course, how much was the steak.”

“15.50.”

A few days later, Posh Duck received a cheque in the mail for $15.50.

Attached to it was an invoice that read : ‘Legal Consultation Service, Almost Good Lawyers, Foo, Foo and Foo, $750.

The One Foot In The Grave Run (aka Sneaky Comer’s Birthday Run)

Bukit Brown Cemetery

Hares: Sneaky Comer, Wet n

‘n Wild, with Cock Radio as Hornet decoy.

On On: The Red Lantern

The Run:

A sneaky and slightly wet but not too wild a trail was set by the Hares, with runners only venturing out of the Cemetery once, and that was a T Check. The usual areas were covered, Hobbit Hill, the stream by the market gardener’s shed, the little wood bridge, the stream behind the houses and so on.

At one stage, runners thought they were leaving the cemetery when they went onto Mt. Pleasant Rd. But a T Check and very clever loop back through the jungle got everyone onto a familiar trail.

Eventually the stream at the back of the houses was reached. While not quite looking like the Amazon, it was flowing swiftly from the previous day’s downpour. Some runners plodded precariously along the muddy edge, while others took the cleaner option and waded through the middle of the stream.

Due to injury sustained in helping set the run, I was unable to participate so can’t provide any first hand acts of stupidity that were committed along the way.

 

The Circle: Jack Off is back, after being put in her place by the men at last week’s Halloween Run.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? An exhuming run.

 

Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern.

 

Next week’s run: A virgin trail by Comes First at Sembawang, with assistance from Cock Radio.

 

Guests: Totally Unacceptable, Dead Fish, Where’s The Beef, Golden Raindrop Shower, Dimples, Bugle Boy, Sally, Fore Play, Jules. Returnee In and Out.

 

Lipstick: Bugle Boy, Totally Unacceptable, Trevor

 

Tits: Stiffy was asked if he would illegally copy his illegally downloaded playlist. Wee Willy for potential piracy.

 

Dick: No

 

Banana Protector: Wet ‘n Wild charged Cock Radio for saying that a wide angled lens was needed to take a photo of her from behind. And Stiffy for calling her flat chested. Stiffy wins.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Cock Radio charged Sneaky Comer for using him as Hornet bait when setting the run.
  
• The Christmas Run will be on the Thursday 26^th December at the House of Stiff
  
• Bugle Boy saw Sally driving her car erratically and was pulled over by the police. They found 14 penguins in the back seat. “That’s cruel don’t you think, where are you taking them,’ asked Mr. Plod.
  Sally replied that she was taking them to the zoo, and so the police let her go. The next day, the same police pulled Sally over and again they found 14 penguins in the back seat. ‘ You told us you were taking them to the zoo. So I suppose you are taking these to the zoo too? Said the policeman. ” We went to the zoo yesterday, today we are going to Universal Studios,’ informed Sally. Sally will now be forever known as Penguin.
  
• Cock Radio recalls how Sneaky Comer recently did some damage to his shins when he went down a drain. So how would he overcome this fear of drains? Get right back in a drain and show who is boss. Sneaker Comer climbed into every drain possible to put chalk marks this afternoon. Even with the looming thunderstorm, he kept putting chalk arrows in drains, footpaths, walls. In fact everywhere that would bear the brunt of a torrential downpour.
  
• Sybil, Dances With Kerbs and Zipp are given a Happy Deepavali.
  
• Wee Willy and Louise are given a nice and a not so nice farewell as they head to Australia are 25 years here.
  
• Happy Birthday Sneaky Comer and Zipp.
  
• Jack Off says that it is Stiffy’s Birthday but he would not come in because he wants to be on his own.
  
• Cock Radio noticed Wee Willy still has mud on his legs. Australian Customs will not let him into the country with mud. So Cock Radio grabbed the hose of a water tanker that has just driven in and readied to wash Wee Willy down. Wait, that’s not a water tanker, it’s a sewage pumper. Wee Willy now really in the shit.
  

 

Scribed by Cock Radio

 

One dark night in the small town of Garfield, NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.”

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi, NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone’s amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The ‘on camera’ reporter asked the Italian fire chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Wella,” said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, “de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!”

The Halloween Run

Dempsey Road

Hare: Cock Radio

On On: On Site The Boxer’s Goulash and Pavlova (yum)

The Run: With a reasonable portion of the pack scarily dressed, hare Cock Radio reported a short run where the point was to scare people and take photos, not run at 1,000 miles an hour through all the checks (pointedly looking at Tiger Lily). Tiger Lily replied that she understood and would comply. The pack were also asked to hold the checks. On out on to Peirce Road, we went down to Holland Road and then backwards and forwards across it. The along in front of the restaurants on Holland before down to a circle check in front of the Botanic Gardens where everyone was supposed to stop for a photo. Which they need, with a lot of gnashing of teeth. Back across Holland and back up Minden Road, then along Harding for a final photo check at the fountain at Dempsey Cluster, then on home with spooky sounds as we passed the restaurants.

 

The Circle: Since it is Halloween, the committee takes a back seat and GM Stiffy calls the circle to order. This doesn’t stop (in fact encourages) the committee and others continuing to talk constantly through the circle.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Very good run, thanks Cock Radio.

 

Tell us about your On On: Over there (pointing), Goulash by the Boxer @ $12.

 

Next week’s run: Bukit Brown Chinese Cemetery by Sneaky Comer, on on at the Red Lantern.

 

Guests: a million! Seaman Saver, Richard, Golden Shower, Dimples, Hoover, Ayam Kampong, Dragon Breath, Caroline, Vaticunt, Dinky Kong, Totally Unacceptable, Foot Long Focker, Baby, Babysitter, Penile Extension, Poo Bag, Mark.

 

Virgins: Tony, Just Stephanie (lol). Stiffy brings virgin in who is a virgin, but somehow Two Jugs wrote a hash name down, Just Stephanie, so how can she be a virgin???….. american, blonde, think virgin…

 

Returnees: Malfunktion.

 

Stiffy charges Grand Mistress Jackoff for Interruption!

Stiffy charges Mal for being scary?

 

Cock Radio saw someone coming up the road to the run site, then 15 minutes later, saw same someone getting off the bus, walking up, 3 attempts and she still didn’t get to the run on time… the Durian seller has moved… in Lethal Weapon.

 

Lipstick (it is Halloween so this week we charge women in front, Shaving Cream): Red Snapper, Quickie, Comes Quickly, Sweet Thighs, Sybil, Ayam Kampong, Jackoff, Tiger Lily, Two Jugs, Stephanie, Caroline, Wet Brazilian.

 

Tits: Stiff calls in Grand Mattress, Stiffy, Malfunction, Sybil, No costume? No hash gear? [Ed: in fact MIML – Middle Aged Man in Lycra]. Goes to Stiffy.

 

Dick: A Dickless Run.

 

Awards – nope.

 

Stiffy announces men have priority with charges.

 

AOB:

• Sneaky Comer says Saturday night was a lot of fun…! They were trying to rest when he got a message, when are the photos going to be on the website? Then, 5:30am – on sec gets message do Harriets have facebook? When are photos going up? Grand misstress Jackoff finally joined the Harriets facebook page!! Wow! Welcome!
  
  
• Mother’s Tongue gave Dinky Kong a down down for saying he was a virgin… but he has a hash name!
  
• Not Tonight said the stand in hash brew, Fat Crashing Bastard was not keeping pace… he answered, “I can service that many women in no time.”
  
• Not Good Enough told Stiffy he would like to come in the circle, then Stiffy promptly chose his wife over him! Men first? Stiffy drinks. Then, Not Good Enough says he’s standing by the poor little virgin who gets called in for being named “Just,” then charges Dinky Kong for saying, “It’s because of me she’s got that name!” (Sybil would like to hold hands with DK)
  
• Former Grand Mistress Jackoff would like to thank the committee members for all of their hard work putting on a great Harriets 40th anniversary celebration!
  
• Tiger Lily charges Dinky Kong (visiting from Samuri Hash) for being engaged yet traveling with a virgin.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard commends Too Easy on her amazing performance in Hawaii at the World Offroad Championships. She represented the HHH well! Everyone made it back okay even thought the traveling was a bit rough in Tokyo with customs checking Too Easy’s bag! Well done!
  
• Stiffy unpacked his new Harriets 40th anniversary run shirt and asked if Not Tonight liked it, to which she replied, “If I look like Two Jugs it will be great!”
  
• Not Good Enough calls the Americans into the circle… can’t remember why because I went in the circle…
  
• Stiffy looks for best costume from Comes First, Not Tonight, Sweet Thighs, Golden Showers +++ and everyone drinks
  
• Wet Brazilian charges HooRay for saying Comes First looks sexy because she hasn’t got any kids yet. Wet Brazilian wants to show Hooray some sexy mamas so she brings in Goes Down Easy to prove her point.
  
• Mother’s Tongue calls in everyone with F%^& Me Shoes – Goes Down Easy, Sweet Thighs, Too Easy, and Loose Change – I’m pretty sure it was for a good reason like following Hash rules or something.
  
• Not Tonight charges MalfunKtion for being an Awah imposter! (Hair)
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Goes Down Easy with some assistance J

The 40th Anniversary Run

Cheval Restaurant, Singapore Turf Club, Kranji (Nowhere near F#*king Bukit Timah Rd)

Hares: Cock Radio With Sneaky Comer

On On: On Site at Cheval Restaurant

 

Track Preparations

The Head Curator, Cock Radio, and Leading Grounds man, Sneaky Comer, had eyes on the dark clouds building up over Johor as the Track was given its final preparations. This did not deter Sneaky Comer from placing 101 chalk arrows in drains, on footpaths, walls and anywhere else that was likely to bear the brunt of an afternoon thunderstorm.

5 mins from the Finish Post when inspecting the track, down came the rain. ‘It won’t be much,’ Sneaky confidently declared, and continued putting chalk marks all the way up Woodlands Ave 3 Home Straight to the Finishing Post.

When the downpour ended one hour later, he admitted that perhaps there would not be too much of his chalk remaining, and so off he set with 2 soggy half rolls of paper to start relaying the Track.

The Track was declared ‘Heavy.’ So were some of the runners.

 

And they’re off and racing in the 40^th Running of The Harriet’s Cup.

Across an open field and past Kranji MRT galloped the pack. As we passed the Turf Club Grandstand, the mares were looking good but the male jockeys plodding behind looked a little overweight.

Comes First was frisky, Goes Down Easy and Two Jugs were cantering abreast, and Jack Off looked a real stayer. Eleven was running a tactical race, pacing herself at the back of the field. Comes Quietly was holding ground in the middle but Cherry Picker ran very wide. In fact he ran off the track and was caught in traffic in the middle of Woodlands Ave 3, much to the amusement of punters. Import Colin King was sitting in behind the lead filly – that’s experience for you. The early leader, Sneaky Comer, was still way out in front – we were following his fresh droppings.

The Pack bunched up at the first turn (traffic lights) before heading up to the Kranji War Memorial and Cemetery.

(For our new members, the founding member of the Hash, A S (G) Gispert, has his name inscribed on the Memorial Wall. He was killed while fighting the Japanese in WW2 as a member of the Argyll’s.)

Staying on the grass buffer between the houses and jungle, a little Kampong track led down to Woodlands Rd. The rain bucketed down again.

The Checks (or what was left of them) kept runners together.

It was then over onto the old Malay Railway line, where Eleven made her move in the Steeple Chase section. Her descent down an embankment under the MRT was inglorious, but the plastic drink bottle strategically placed down the back of her running tights cushioned the blow. Her Jockey, Circle Jerk looked like he needed some pick me up steroid drugs.

It was a now a test for the stayers up the final stretch… All the favourites were there, with some foreign imports led by the Martin King Stable looking fresh(ish). Local favourite, Comes First, was looking a chance.

Several of the short course sprinters, led by the aptly named filly, Quickie, were already back in the stables.

Stiff looked a chance but broke down on the final hill and was taken to the knackery.

Sweet Thighs looked good early on but being such a light weight, found the heavy going tough. Should be put to pasture for the winter to fatten up

Another of the light weights, The Boxer, was giving head, given head, and gave it a nudge but found the going heavy. Penile Extension was a length out in front.

1000 to 1 chances Boo and Hooray were caught shortcutting by the Stewards and put out to the retirement pasture.

Slocum, still suffering a fetlock, was led around the sand track and given a feed of liquid hops.

Stiffy found the going heavy, but plodded on gamely, as did Not Tonight. Lots of whining was heard from Stiffy. .

Malfunktion started like a bull at a gate. Unfortunately the gate did not open and he was withdrawn to the Bar.

Deep Throat was never going to be even a chance place while carrying an umbrella instead of a whip.

Ayam Kampong was interfered with and called foul play.

Zipp was rider less, having lost her jockey to other commitments.

Handbag and Tina Tuna, recently put to pasture to breed, retired early. Grunting was heard later in their stable.

The trainers of Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles rested them for the Weight for Age Halloween Run. Wet Brazilian should have been in her element, but was also rested.

Slack Arse lived up to his name, coming in up the rear, closely followed by that other notable rear runner, Father Anus.

Loose Change was severely handicapped by the Stewards and was made to carry a lot of weight up front.

Virginia Slim was not allowed into the country due to quarantine issues.

In and Out was in with a chance until he was out of the running. Suzee Wong went the wong way and was disqualified.

Sybil and Mary Jane were inducted into the Hall of Fame and presented a Life Pass, excusing them from running ever again.

The Maiden Event, featuring Goes Down Easy’s parents, was abandoned due to shock. Was this their innocent daughter? What has Singapore done to her? The Stewards are investigating.

Croc Hunter replenished all with suitable refreshments.

There were some notable scratchings before the Race even took place. No names mentioned.

All starters made it past the finishing post.

 

The Circle: Jack Off assembled a soggy bunch in front of the grandstand bar, dutifully manned by Croc Hunter.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Best Run ever from this site. Best Run in 40 years. .

 

Tell us about your On On: Cheval Restaurant buffet.

 

Next week’s run: Halloween Run, Dempsey. Followed by Bukit Brown by the time you get this.

 

Guests, Foetus, Golden Raindrop, Ayam Kampong, Cherry Picker, Claudia, Deep Throat, Colin King. In and Out Returnee and a heap of others.

 

Lipstick, Boo, Hooray, Colin King, who claimed foul play (was he the one who interfered with Ayam Kampong???) Cherry Picker for running wide on the first bend and discovering the Home Straight, Handbag, Father Anus, Goes Down Easy’s father. A lip stick kiss was planted on each by Sybil. Hooray fled, saying lipstick on the lips is unhygienic.

 

Virgins: Goes Down Easy’s parents, who did not know her daughter drank and swore. They probably also thought she was still a virgin also.

 

Tits: Wet Brazilian pulled the towel off Stiff’s shoulders to reveal a naked torso. No Hash shirt, in fact no shirt at all. Cover up with the Tits mate.

 

Dick: A Dickless Run.

 

Awards – The Harriets were given a 40 Years Celebration. Well done.

 

AOB:

• Loose Change has a copy of the original Harriet’s T Shirt with members on it. Mary Jane and Sybil have their names in print. Loose Change was almost there. Not Tonight is wearing a 25 years celebration shirt.
  
• Newly weds Tina Tuna and Handbag are given a drink, although that was not what Tina Tuna needed as she was standing crossed legged hanging on for a pee.
  
• Stiffy brings in Goes Down Easy and her parents. When they raised their daughter she did not drink or swear. Well that has changed. Now Stiffy told them that he caught her in the long grass with Cherry Picker. Oh dear.
  
• Sneaky Comer asked Cock Radio what time and where to meet to lay the Run. Cock Radio suggested near Vanda Link and Eng Neo. Sneaky mentioned Woodlands Ave 3 may be more appropriate as the Run is at Kranji Race Course, not the Old Turf Club on Bukit Timah Rd. Oh my Buddha, almost a major Cock Up with the lead Hare having the wrong Run site.
  
• Boo gets in two unhappy Germans, Cherry Picker and wife Claudia. He also gets in the French and a Wet Brazilian, and then the Americans. Reason for unhappiness – Yanks phone tapping.
  
• Slocum is glad the event is almost over as Jack Off has been so stressed. The Committee wanted 100 people to come but only managed 60. The event was clearly advertised on the web site, 40^th Anniversary Celebration, Saturday 26^th November. Ummm, wait a minute, that should be October 26^th. Tell the restaurant there may be 40 people turning up next month asking where the Harriets are. Web Master takes a drink.
  
• In and Out noticed that the founding members, Sybil and Mary Jane have the same reddish hair color. But in the old photos they did not have a red tinge. Not Tonight and Loose Change are brought in to see how their hair will look when they get to their 40 years membership.
  
• Not Tonight brought in a natural red hair male guest. Not sure which part of his anatomy has red hair though.
  
• Wet Brazilian told how Two Jugs insisted that 3.30 was too early to set up for the run. Reluctantly, the GM agreed on 4pm, but we will have to be efficient and on time. Then at 4.30 a phone call from Jack Off – ‘I’m stuck at the Border Crossing.’ Do as I say, not as I do.
  
• Not Tonight is honoured to be one of the senior members. But what about the male Associates – Boo, Hooray, and Slack Arse, as well as Suzee Wong and Zip.
  

 

Charges then got a bit messy, so here is what I can salvage from my notes.

• The Harriets went to no expense – I missed the punch line to the charge.
  
• Cock Radio again for not knowing where the run site was, then ringing Sneaky Comer at 3pm to find out where the restaurant was.
  
• The Organising Committee was given a big thank you.
  
• Cock Radio was further charged for not attending one meeting. May explain why he did not know where he was meant to be setting the run.
  
• A special thanks to Two Jugs, Boo and Dragon Breath (sponsors)
  

   

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.)
 
I’ll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,

And I’ll bounce on the furniture…wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.)
 
When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,

I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.)
 
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my vegetables, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.)
 
I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,

I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud ’till the end of the day!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.)
 
And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,

And say with a groan, ‘She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!’
 
God Bless All 40 year Harriets in Singapore

The Deepavali Run

Little India – Racecourse Rd

Hares: Sybil & Dances With Kerbs

On On: On Site Mexican Indian

 

Warning for Hares: It is that time of the year when it starts getting dark before 7. Please refrain from sending runners into jungle in the second half of the Run. Use jungle in the first half.

 

The Run:

I wish you a thousand apologies if there are to be any mistakes in this report, I begging your pardon muchly.

The Run started with Croc Hunter sweeping the entire locality clean of broken glass with his Harriet’s pink broom and shovel.

A photo was taken of the rear end of Wet ‘n Wild as she led the way early on in the run. The photo will be framed, autographed and placed in the Harriet’s Hall of Fame. (It was a wide angled shot).

Sneaky Checks, no relation to Sneaky Comer, kept the Pack as loose as a tourist with Delhi Belly. Speaking of Sneaky, still wounded by his sojourn into a drain looking for his lost notebook last week. I found him a vacant wheelchair along a back lane. Unfortunately the 95 year old Aunty, assisted by her maid, beat him to it.

Meanwhile, the walkers and crocs, led by Slowcum, stayed all the way straight along Racecourse Rd. Slowcum, doing lots of bike riding lately, complained of suffering from acupuncture. What sort of puncture is that?

A sign outside the Chinese Recreation Club had an English translation – ‘No Transpassing.’ In search of trail, I passed by it anyway.

I should have heeded the sign, as I was the only one on Ballister Rd. No trail. It was on back. ‘No Transpassing,’ as the sign clearly said. Luckily I ran head onto walkers at the end of Racecourse Rd. Zipp whispered Beatty Rd and Jalan Besar.

A big crowd queuing outside Jalan Basar Stadium, were they there to watch the Harriets run past?

Goes Down Easy, Comes First and Two Jugs urged the Pack on. The thought of a cold beer at the end was enough to urge me on. I avoided the cemetery section. I was never a fan of that British Comedy – ‘One Foot in the Grave.’

Sneaky Comer stopped to pray at the little Temple before entering Desker Rd. It’s dangerous in there.

Did I hear ‘Mr Brendan, Mr. Brendan…’ from the Thai Massage Parlour as we ran past? As a good friend, Comes Quietly veered into ‘ Happy Massage.’ He was 20 minutes late back.

Across Serangoon Rd, admiring the Deepavali light decorations. Boo ignored the pedestrian crossing and nearly ended up as a Buddhist good luck charm on the front fender of a Taxi.

Back in an hour, a very, very very goodness gracious me run.

 

The Circle: Jack Off assembled us out of the car park and onto the grass.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too many Indians. Not enough lights. More curry. Good Run.

 

Tell us about your On On: On site Chicken Bryani and veggie option.

 

Next week’s run: Halloween Run, Dempsey.

 

Guests: Caroline, Dead Fish, No Good, Foetus, Golden Raindrop, Ayam Kampong. In and Out Returnee.

 

Lipstick: Cock Radio, Comes Quietly, Golden Shower, Boo, Hooray.

 

Tits: Stiffy had a charge handed to him on a plate. In a conversation with Wet Brazilian, she admitted she is very good when she comes.

 

Dick: The closest thing to the Dick was the top of my Indian hat which had a little erection on it.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Wet ‘n Wild, who is known to be a pretty good talker herself, is fed up with Stiffy. She claims he chats more than a woman does. And that is coming from an expert.
  
• Golden Shower charged the Velcro Twins with bringing back an Irish Leprechaun as a souvenir. Looks very much like Father Anus.
  
• Banana Protector: Stiffy, with a bright yellow banana protruding out the top of his shorts, was accused of not reading the newsletter. Did you read the run report 2 weeks ago? ‘Yes’ was the confident reply. Well there wasn’t one, Sneaky Comer lost the notes. Stiffy defends himself –he had read all about the memos and messages about lost notes and he even knew to wear a Sari tonight. Case dismissed. I can’t remember who got the banana, but I hope they apply lots of disinfectant to it. [Ed: Wet 'n Wild got it].
  
• Not Tonight, Health Care and a barge in Ireland. I can’t read my notes for the connection. Use your imagination. Something to do with the Velcro Twins I guess.
  
• Jack Off was expecting 100 people for the 40^th Anniversary Celebration, but only 55 tickets sold. Why? Maybe the web site advertising the event for the 26^th of NOVEMBER had something to do with it? On in web master, on sec. Guess there will 45 people turning up next month for the 40^th + 1 month Anniversary Celebration. Just proves – don’t believe everything you read on the net.
  
• Kan Not Kan sets up a longest hair competition between The Boxer, Goes Down Easy and Kamala. After clarifications regarding actual length or hair length / body height ratio, The Boxer wins hairs down.
  
• Goes Down Easy goes for a Hash naming on Trevor. Is he perfect? Nope, he has no Hash clothes. Imperfect member? From memory, despite Boo trying to hijack the naming, I think Trevor is forever now known as Imperfect Member.
  
• Sybil charge. Members top their drinks and sit down. Directly from my notes, I quote: ‘Don’t call me.’ ‘Sorry sir.’ ‘Ahhhh.’ Lifting off shirt takes place. More ‘Ahhhhh.’ ‘F#*king shut up.’ ‘Like the ….’(Cannot decipher notes – scribe). ‘F#*king listen to me,’ More revealing of stomach with shirt lift. Charge ended with Father Anus getting a hug. I think he then became choked with emotion. Or was it Kamala’s tongue down his throat…
  
• Ayam Kampong gets the Singapore sharing spirit going. The chook lady hijacked my regal Indian hat and placed it on Father Anus to declare him Sultan of Swing.
  
• Kan Not Kan came in to finish with a very funny and appropriate song. Something about Convent gals doing something with ping pong balls. As this is a family read, I leave it at that.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Hotel 81.

Daffy duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for a condom.  The reception says, shall I put them on your bill?
Daffy replies…..

 
Don’t be thucking thupid, I’d thufficate.

The Short Cutter’s Run

Fort Canning Park

Hares: Hooray

On On: UE Square – Burger & Beer

Lost & Found: 1 Note pad. Found along Dunearn Rd, just after Blackmore Drive, slightly tattered with Gin&Tonic stains and herbal chicken remnants topped with a rubber tire imprint. Contact Methodist Girls School.

 

The Run:

The day had been hotter than a Bombay Curry and runners were already drier than a dead dingo’s donger. What we did not need was a Hooray Half Marathon Street Pounding.

So it was with relief that a merciful Hare declared that this would be a short run. And it was. Medium runners back in 30 minutes and ‘long’ runners back in 35 mins. Boo took a short cut and was back in one hour, having decided to check out Marina Bay Sands.

Tiger Lily was off trail after the first 20 metres, possibly a world record. Despite the Hare yelling out ‘Left, left, LEFT, F#*king left,’ Tiger continued straight through the car park, calling ‘Are you?’ Seriously, if she was a male, she would not find a root in a brothel.

A scenic trail led us round and up and down Fort Canning Park. Plenty of scope for short cutting, not that we need to do that on a short run. Over to Clarke Quay and we headed along the river towards Robertson Quay. Except for Boo, who headed the opposite direction towards Marina Bay Sands. ‘Don’t follow Boo.’

The ‘Short / Extremely Short’ Split was reached in 20 minutes. Sweet Thighs and I decided to create our own ‘Slightly Longer than Extremely Short but Just a Tad Shorter than Short,’ Split.

Cold drinks did not touch the sides back at the Beer Wagon. Just Jane and Goes Down Easy decided to go around again. Obviously they did not think they were hot enough already.

Sneaky Comer decided to fall down the drain at the side, getting sympathy from everyone including Croc Hunter who came and offered him another beer.

 

The Circle: Wet ‘n Wild is the stand in GM, hope she does not stand in the drain like her husband did.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too long. Too cold. Too nice of Hooray not to give us 90 minute ball breaker. Good Run.

 

Tell us about your On On: UOA Square – Burger and Beer $26 – buy one get one free.

 

Next week’s run: Deepavali Run, Little India

 

Guests: Caroline, Marta, Sally, Just Jane, Chonnorhea, Simon, Golden Raindrop, Dimples, Ayam Kampong. In and Out Returnee.

 

Lipstick: A thong spanking to Comes Quietly, Allan the Virgin and Sneaky Comer, who thought it was just like being at home.

 

Virgins: Allan, Joanna

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: No Tits, although I could see a few pair. Wrong ones I guess.

 

Dick: Boo is back, but he is not the correct Dick we are after. No Tits, no Dick.

 

Banana Protector: No need if you don’t have a Dick to protect.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Red Snapper calls in guest Caroline who was observed checking out male bum cheeks for bee stings. Careful, you could end up with a big prick doing that.
  
• Hooray calls in the Short Run abusers – Boo, also known as Mad Chinaman, ran all the way to Marina Bay Sands and back, while Just Jane, Two Jugs and possibly Goes Down Easy ran a 2^nd lap.
  
• Golden Showers called in Caroline for getting her Turf Clubs mixed up. Yes, the new one is at Kranji, the original is Turf Club City, Dunearn Rd. Seen one racetrack, seen them all huh.
  
• Cock Radio, the reliable scribe who was in Phuket killing brain cells last week, asks why no run report last week huh? Sneaky Comer, filling in, lost all his brain cells at the G&T drink stop, not to mention his scribe notes pad. In desperation, he tried to snatch mine from me, claiming he found it, and then dived into a drain searching for it, leaving behind skin, blood and fragments of tibia bone on the concrete sides.
  
• The Breast Cancer Awareness Run raised $12,000,000 for the Pink Ribbon Fund. Mmmm, maybe a couple too many zeroes there – just the thought of breasts makes me go over the top. Does $12,000 sound right? Or $1200? Doesn’t matter, it was still more than National F#*king Parks raised.
  
• Red Snapper praised someone, maybe it was herself, or maybe someone praised her, f#*ked if I know. Anyway, someone with nothing better to do is going to Hawaii to participate in a torture event that involves rock climbing, white water rafting, crocodile wrestling, swimming with White Pointers and finishing by throwing themselves off the edge of a crater into an active volcano.
  
• Golden Raindrops is showered with a massive birthday Cake. Wet ‘N Wild tells us that Boxer made it Octogenarian size. 80 kg of flour went into it. Slab of cake anyone??
  
• Sneaky Comer, having dragged himself out of the gutter, tells how Goes Down Easy complained about having to consume soo many G&T ‘s etc etc etc at last week’s run and somehow managed to drive home. She could not remember driving home, but she remembered all the charges from last week’s Circle when Sneaky called for help after losing his notes.
  
• Goes Down Easy charged all those with fancy car boot shower who make all those with a plastic 2 litre bottle from the beer van envious. Golden Showers tried to enter but was quickly pissed off.
  
• Wet ‘n Wild charges Goes Down Easy for bringing the Harriet’s fine name and reputation into disrepute. She brought a friend along under the guise of ‘No need to run, they just drink a lot.’ We resemble that remark.
  
• Mad Chinaman brings in the American Tea Party – Obama Who Cares. A new twist on the song – ‘We don’t want no Yankee Sailor, British pay 5 times more….’
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

10 Best Golf Caddy Jokes

Number 10 – Golfer: “I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Number 9 – Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Number 8 – Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Number 7 – Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

Number 6 – Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so. That would just be too much of a coincidence.”

Number 5 – Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s very distracting.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

Number 4 – Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, but personally, I prefer golf.”

Number 3 – Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”

Number 2 – Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

Number 1 Best Caddy Comment: Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

The Gin n Snake Run

Blackmore Drive

Hares: Lost Marbles and Gary

On On: Red Lantern

 

The Run:

Well, first of all this run report is rather late. Why? Because the notes disappeared somewhere between the run site and home. Why? Well it might have had something to do with the drink stop.

 

So, the run, at least what I remember of it – down Blackmore we went, and over the road on the rather rickety overhead bridge. Up to the old railway line, where a circle check fooled people like me into heading north when the on was in fact south. Bugger.

 

South south south we went on the railway line until we exited at Bukit Sedap Road and out to Holland Road where a circle check awaited. I picked the wrong direction, again. Down Greenleaf Road where I found a few people milling around having lost trail, including Sticky Ring. “Oh, it must go up here” I remarked, up past the driveway of someone’s house behind their plants which requires twinkle toes balance to stay on the very fine ridge-line. Sticky Ring complained that she could just go down Greenleaf Road, but she relented and followed us up the hill.

 

We followed the line of the houses over the hill and down along the back of Greenleaf Rise, where it all went to custard. We caught up with Just Jane and a few others who shrieked and said they had seen something moving. Given that the hares had given me some inside information – that Lost Marbles had scared a Cobra away by nearly stepping on it while laying the run; I was a little nervous. Sweet Thighs decided to go in for a closer look (brave) while I grabbed a branch and started banging away at the ground. This seemed to infuriate a bee nest (probably) and they proceeded to sting Sticky Ring in the thigh and Dragon Breath somewhere else?

 

Excitement over, we slide down the embankment to Greenleaf Ave and then on back to Holland Road and a drink stop at the corner of Holland Plain. And what a drink stop it was, fabulous G n T where no expense was spared on the G. A short stumble back to the run site, thanks hares for a very good run.

 

The Circle:

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too many snakes and bees. Too much Gin. Good Run.

 

Tell us about your On On: At the reduced Red Lantern, we had a lovely meal for $12.

 

Next week’s run (was): Fort Canning Park, by Hooray.

 

Guests: sorry, lost the list.

 

Lipstick: Well I lost the list, but I did take a photo, so I know it was Boo, Comes Quietly, Malfunktion, Butt Wiper, Hooray, and someone else, obscured.

 

Virgins: I think there were a couple of virgins, but lost track.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: Goes Down Easy has the tits. Running across the road before the hill to the railroad path, Fat Crashing Bastard stopped abruptly and yelled not to run up the hill, but rather turn right… which caused Goes Down Easy (me) to slightly bump into him. Then, he turned to me and said, “You can body check me anytime.” Too Easy was not too thrilled with that…so FCB gets the tits.

 

Dick: Wet ‘n Wild has a few candidates for the Dick. She starts with Goes Down Easy and Fu&*in’ Easy, for their after run routine. Of particular interest was Fu&*in’ Easy, who seemed to be plucking his eyebrows in the car. The other candidates were Sneaky Comer and Sticky Ring. Sneaky Comer is paranoid about snakes, so he beat the ground stirring up a bee’s, or hornet’s nest, for Sticky Ring to run into. F&*kin’ Easy gets the tits.

 

Banana Protector: No idea.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

Sorry folks, I lost your wonderful charges but it was a funny circle. Thanks to Stiffy and Goes Down Easy for reminding me of a couple:

• Goes Down Easy charged Lost Marbles and Gary for such a long walk for us back from the drink stop – was it to sober up or just for the fun of the stagger. Goes Down Easy ask what was the difference between gin and vodka…charged Not Tonight because she had a nice description of what wheat looks like… grows straight up… and what barley looks like… grows over at an angle (making finger motions)… overall, I think we never found out the answer..
  
• Stiff reports that his school has had posters put up in the men’s room reminding the men that they need to pee clear water – the more yellow the pee is, the less healthy. I guess the point is to drink more water. Stiffy’s problem was pointing – the sign was so high up on the wall that it was almost impossible to pee on it to check the pee against the colour chart. Next time, can the head nurse put the poster in an easier to reach spot? On in Lost Marbles.
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

 

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said ‘Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?’. Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?” The 1st one replies: “I just bit my lip!”

 

The Breast Cancer Awareness Run (aka The Vodka Cranberry Awareness Run)

Dempsey

Hares: Suzee Wong, Loose Change, In & Out

On On: The Boxer on site

Well done everyone for the fund raising on our Breast Cancer Awareness Run.

 

The Run:

A good turn out for this Annual event, and a nice location, 50 metres from the Durian Stall.

Eventually we found our way out of Dempsey and over Queensway into the HDB’s. Many runners were making the public aware of their breasts by wearing frilly silly bras, but through the HDB’s I became aware of pussies. There were cats everywhere. I have not seen so many pussies on a run since Zipp and Gypsies run through Geylang the other year.

It was interesting to see which runners choose the handicapped ramps that zigged zagged and zagged zigged, adding a few hundred extra metres compared to taking the direct stairs. Goes Down Easy was one of these, until she finally realized the folly of her ways. This led her to ignore the next ramp and take a bumb slide down a steep grass embankment. I am not sure if it was easy, but she sure knows how to go down. Several other runners followed her, adopting various styles of descent. All were lacking in style, but amusing to watch. They did not go down easy.

Coming down a set of steps, we entered the backside of Holland Village, which looked a lot cleaner than Goes Down Easy’s backside. And there was a police car to greet us.

Wearing a rather questionable T-shirt that portrayed various types of breasts, as well as wearing a bra, I decided to avoid Mr. Plod and duck into the first bar, taking Sweet Thighs and a collection bag with me. The first guy we approached pulled out a $100 note and donated. What a start.

So Sweet Thighs and I teamed up as we made our way through the heart and soul of Holland Village. Hawker Centers, Coffee Shops, Wala Wala, Harry’s as we stuffed 5

heaps of $50, $10 & $2 notes into the collection bag. We were feeling good.

With the rest of the group, it was down into Holland Village MRT and up the other side.

Back across Queensway for a well deserved drink stop. How much cranberry was in that vodka?

 

The Circle: Acting GM, Wet & Wild, on the countdown to school holidays, has investigated thoroughly to determine how much cranberry was in the vodka, gets the Circle going with a hop, step and a stumble.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? In and Out is dragged away from his shower and joins the other 2 Hares in his swimwear, complete with soaped up torso and other soapy appendages. Not enough breasts, too many pussies. Great run.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Boxer on site – salmon, roast chicken, salad, soup and a yummy sweet which may have been a brownie. How much cranberry was in the vodka?

 

Next week’s run: the GM overlooked this until 20 minutes later when it was pointed out she had forgot. Blackmore Drive, Lost Marbles. Was there any cranberry in the vodka?

 

Guests: Sweet Thighs, Bugle Boy, Dragon Breath, Golden Showers, Bagless Too, Poo Bag (member of the Shit Family??), Penile Extension, Francis, Shipyard Flasher.

Singaporn & In and Out as Returnees.

 

Lipstick: Cock Radio (But I had tits!), Simon the Virgin, Stiff, Stiffy and Boo.

 

 

Virgins: Simon, Sandra, Caroline

 

New Member: Vicki, Sweet Thighs, Red Snapper. Stiff.

 

Tits: Too Easy is holding them for the GM. Someone disappeared into jungle (but there was no jungle?). Too Easy for leading FCB astray at the end of the run. Ok, that’s what my notes say, it makes no sense to me either. Blame it on the cranberry. [Ed: I was sober, the tits actually went to Goes Down Easy for leading FCB astray].

 

Dick: CR asks the Hon. Sec if she reads the run report. She claims innocence – her role at the moment is acting GM. After failing to answer a multitude of questions about the run report, CR rests his case that the On Sec has not got a f#*king clue what gets sent out each week. [Ed: at least I know who got the tits].

 

Banana Protector: Zipp and Gypsy have taken it diving.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Stiffy points out that once again, CR has forgotten shorts to change into and throws me another $10 pair from Haberdash.
  
• Not Tonight gets the Americans in plus an Al Qaeda look a like – In and Out. Lack of cranberry in the vodka prevents me from giving more details on this charge, but you can sort of get the drift. If not, pour yourself a few vodka cranberries and it will become obvious.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard asks Loose Change how much vodka was in the cranberry. Apparently enough for CR to tell 2 visiting gals that he could take them to places they have never been before.
  
• Loose Change mentions that even dinosaurs can dress up as lamb. Sybil, Not Tonight and Dances With Kerbs managed to collect, or solicit $400 for the Pink Ribbon campaign.
  
• Mother’s Tongue mentioned the pussies that took the elevator instead of the stairs at the MRT. Stiff and others guilty.
  
• Sybil tells the f#*king scribe to shut up. Oh, that’s me. Two Jugs for collecting guest fees and failing to tell her there was a young male virgin at the run. Oh no, up comes her top, she is aroused.
  
• The acting GM, Wet ‘n Wild, reappears and states ‘It has come to my attention that…’ She is interrupted by her husband, Sneaky Comer, who informs us that it is the first thing that has come to her attention for quite a while. Wet ‘n Wild has just realized she did not do next week’s run.
  
• Debsperado, Haberdash, has a 70′s sale on for the 40^th anniversary celebration. She even has bisexual gear. We think she meant unisex. Vodka strikes again.
  
• Dragon Breath points out the difference between bisexual and unisex. She seems to be an expert.
  
• Stiffy gets kicked out by the acting GM, who allows Golden Shower to enter. Not Tonight asked Croc Hunter what sort of white wine we had tonight. She has a sniff of what he offers, turns up her nose complaining that it smells and says she’ll have a beer instead. This in turn got up FCB’s nose who then went and smelt the durians for 2 minutes to compose himself. Who needs smelling salts when you have durian.
  
• Stiffy calls in the 3^rd choice acting GM, Wet ‘n Wild and informs her it is The International Day of Aging Persons Day. Room is then made for the eligible Hashers on their various walking frames, sticks, wheel chairs and life support systems to enter the Circle. Stiff, Boo, Mother Tongue, Malfunktion, In and Out, Father Anus, as well as other old farts. Are they on vodka IV drips?
  

   

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Speaking of the elders – take note.

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

 

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,

 

“Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

 

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

 

“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”

 

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

 

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

 

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

 

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says ……

 

“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

 

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

I rest my case. Time for another beer.

The Last Minute Run

Temasek ClubCar Park.

Colbar

Hares: Two Jugs, Goes Down Easy, The Boxer

On On: The Colbar

 

The Run:

I could write about the Friday Hash members who decided to change on the edge of the main Temasek Car Park road, offending management and a wedding party. But I won’t.

I could talk about the same run site vicinity being used 4 or 5 times in the space of 2 weeks. But I won’t.

I could talk about Hashers who stand in the middle of the road incurring the wrath of motorists when there are ample off road places to congregate before and after the run. But I won’t.

I could talk about the Wednesday members who blocked the public footpath leading to the Colbar after the run. But I won’t.

I could talk about all the paper that gets left lying in public places after runs. But I won’t.

I could talk about all the shower water bottles that get left lying 20 meters from the beer truck, without their caps, for Croc Hunter to retrieve after everyone has gone. But I won’t.

Instead I will talk about the Run. Last minute Hares, Two Jugs, The Boxer, and Goes Down Easy did a fine job setting an enjoyable run. Due to a run site relocation, the run got underway at 6.15. What time does a 6 o’clock run start?

Trail wound its way up to One North Gateway and around the back of Buona Vista MRT. A steady pace was set by a frisky set of fillies.

At 6.45 the long / short split was reached. A kamikaze group decided to do the loop up Ulu Pandan Canal. Those wanting to reach the Beer Wagon before darkness set in took the short route back along the old railway line before threading their way through the black and white houses.

 

The Circle: Jack Off gets the Circle going on a rather public piece of grass in front of the Colbar. Croc Hunter thoughtfully found some red and white tape to fence off a rather intimidating drain that threatened to devour those with a few drinks under their belt.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough car park, too many managers.

 

Tell us about your On On: The Colbar. Curry chicken & fries $15.

 

Next week’s run: Breast Cancer Awareness Run, Dempsey.

 

Guests: Park Whore Bitch, Vicki, Sweet Thighs, Bugle Boy, Just Jane, Dragon Breath, EMP, Butt Wiper.

 

Lipstick: Hooray, Butt Wiper, PWB, EMP

 

Virgins: Julia, David, Laura

 

New Member: Nope

 

Tits: Goes Down Easy Calls in Jack Off. As GM, she was unable to persuade the Manager of the Temasek Club to let us stay. The Boxer tried her best also to influence the Manager. Maybe she needs some bigger Tits to try and influence him.

 

Dick: Sybil calls in CR for being a trouble maker. The scribe could not find a suitable place to sit and write (I was harassed by various people sitting on chairs behind me, people talking nonstop and people blocking my light – scribe). The scribe was brought in from his spot alone under a street light.

 

Banana Protector: Zipp and Gypsy have taken it diving.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• EMP brings in Tiger Lily and Butt Wiper for running through 4 T Checks. We know Tiger Lily is blind. As for Butt Wiper, he needs to get his eyes off Tiger Lily’s butt.
  
• EMP and PWB get a rousing send off song, and despite our very public setting, Boo leads everyone in a moving rendition of ‘F#*k off you ……’
  
• Dragon Breath tells how Just Jane screamed the house down on Sunday when she nearly stepped on a ‘giant’ monitor lizard. All 6 inches of it. Really an overgrown gecko. Then tonight she side stepped, to the tune of 20 metres, around a dog that was no bigger than a battery sized toy. Toughen up girl.
  
• Penile Extension was called on his phone by Boxer to find out what size T shirt he wears. After 10 years of marriage, she still does not know her husband’s size.
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

What deep thinkers men are…

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the bollocks?

Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the bollocks.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the bollocks is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say, “You know, I think I’d like another kick in the bollocks.”

I rest my case. Time for another beer.