Run Report #2123 05/02/2014

The Cunning Run

Lorong Sesuai

Hares: Cunnilicker & Shoeless

On On: 7 Mile Coffee Shop, Corner of Toh Yi Drive and Jalan Jurong Kechil


The Run:


•    Australia beat England 5-0 in the Cricket

•    The Pope is a Catholic.

•    The sun sets in the west

Now that’s out of the way and it can’t be said that this reputable piece of Hashing Literature is total fantasy and does not contain any truth whatsoever, here is the rest of this week’s Run & Circle Report.

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?

I arrived at 4.30 to find a totally empty car park. Where was the Hare’s car? Had they forgot they were setting the run? Had they got the Run site mixed up? Could this be a disaster? Quickly I rang the On Sec, who said she would bring flour and paper so we could set a last minute almost live Hare run.

See the løveli lakes.

How was I to know that the Hares were dutifully out there setting the run with the assistance of their motorbike? At 5.50, up rolled Cunnilicker on his motorbike with Shoeless on the back hanging onto half a toilet roll. Not sure if the paper was for the run or a reflection on Cunnilicker’s bike riding skills.

The wøndërful telephøne system And mäni interesting furry animals

Down the hill to the traffic lights rolled a large Pack. I took the first traffic light to turn green and followed Stiffy and Slowcum on their bikes across Upper Bukit Timah Rd and onto the old railway line, as the Hares said it was a Green Run and this is ‘The Green Corridor.’

Including the majestik møøse

Wrong green however. The run actually went back the opposite way in the direction of Teck Whye, where all enjoyed some apparently nice pieces of jungle greenery.

A Møøse once bit my sister… No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…

Well, almost all. Your scribe, after running to Railway Mall, where very new looking trail was found, realized that due to the lack of rain in the last 3 weeks, that this was very well preserved old trail.

We apologise for the fault with the Swedish text in this run report. Those responsible have been sacked.

Back to Bukit Batok Nature Reserve, where 2 on home to beer signs were discovered – yep, one of them was a well-preserved old marking.

Along the way I came across 2 well-preserved Hash relics– Kamala & Dances With Kerbs, along with a slightly worn Hash member in Lethal Weapon, with her knee held together by a large bandage.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti…

We apologise again for the Swedish text fault in this report. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.


The Circle:
Jack Off lets all of Bukit Batok know that the Circle will be starting immediately. When this failed to move any Hashers into action, she then used a voice louder than an A380 engine on take off to bellow ‘Form a F#*king Circle right f#*king now. What’s so hard about making a f#*king circle.’

So we did.



Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough jungle. Where are the cigars? Very good run.

Miss Taylor’s Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG


Tell us about your On On: Buffet – turn right, then right and right at the petrol station up the hill, right at the bus stop on the right. If you get to Jurong, you’ve gone too far.


Next week’s run: Blackmore Drive, Forced Entry and her Valentine

Suggestive poses for the Møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER


Guests: Pepe, Foetus, Trash, Dragon Breath, Marc, Ditch, Mati Hari, Totally Unacceptable, King Lear, Bugle Boy, Cunnilicker, Shoeless, Bagless Too.


“RALPH” The Wonder Llama.


Virgins: Nope.


The directors of the firm hired to continue this report after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The report has been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.


Lipstick: Imperfect Member, Hooray, Bugle Boy, Kan Not Kan, Stiffy & Slocum. & 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS


Tits: Cock Radio’s ears are still ringing from the GM’s shouting orders to form a ‘ f#*king Circle right f#*king now,’ so imagine what Slowcum has to put up with every day. So Slowcum gets the Tits so he can use them as ear muffs to save his eardrums.


Dick: Cock Radio again, on a gender bender with Tits and Dick, gives Trash the Dick. And why not, some would say. While everyone was in a panic about the Hares not being here before the run, after some considerable time, finally Trash spoke up and said she saw them at the bottom of the hill earlier. Now you tell us.


Banana Protector: Jack Off is hanging onto it. Persistent rumours that it has been smashed into a thousand pieces are scurrilous and should be ingnored.





  • Sneaky Comer & REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON had a sense of direction charge last week on Goes Down Easy, wishing it would rub off onto his directionless wife. On arriving at a rather challenging water crossing in the jungle, Wet ‘n Wild took one look at it and declared ‘I’m not f#*king crossing that.’ So she then turned back and made it back home in reverse all on her own. Not bad for a Kiwi blonde.
  • Red Snapper thinks that one female was a bit horny tonight – Ayam Kampong spent a lot of time on her back in the jungle. Was she waiting for Cunnilicker & EARL J. LLAMA, MIKE Q. LLAMA III, SY LLAMA, MERLE Z LLAMA IX?
  • Totally Unacceptable charged Cock Radio for doing a disappearing act at the first lights. Very unacceptable.
  • Fat Crashing Bastard saw Totally Unacceptable ignore a sign saying ‘Do Not Enter,’ and went down a one-way street the wrong way. Totally Unacceptable.
  • Jack Off tells how men will look at a beautiful woman and say ‘I remember you, haven’t we met before,’ as a bit of a pick up line. But poor Jack Off has men saying to her ‘Haven’t we met before, I remember those shoes.’
  • Bugle Boy is worried about Cunnilicker’s shorts – they are red but the white patches on them are not design but rather SE Asian bacteria he has picked up.
  • Bugle Boy & 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA), are worried because they shared some of Cunnilicker’s cigar, and may have shared saliva too. It seems that Cunnilicker has a horrible ugly SE Asian bacteria on his appendage – it spread from his shorts. He sought medical treatment:
    • In Singapore, they gave him some cream. No good. It spread to his testicles.
    • He sought advice in Burma – amputate they said. Not an option.
    • So he went to Indonesia – burn it off was the solution offered. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
    • Finally he went to Thailand where they took one look at his problem and told him there was nothing to worry about at all – it will drop off in 2 weeks. Boom boom.
  • Dragon Breath was having a conversation with a fellow runner, who kept asking about ‘That song…’ What song? ‘You know, that song..’ Well of course, there is only one ‘That song…’ and Kan Not Kan is in to sing it. ‘He’s the meanest, he sucks the Llamas………’ & 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS joined the chorus.
  • Cunnilicker tells how he had a beer with his co Hare after (or was it during?) setting the run. Shoeless put his empty can on the ground and crushed it with his foot, only to find beer squirting out of it. Not one to waste a drop, he picked up the not quite empty can and sucked out the remaining beer.


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio



The characters and incidents portrayed in this report and the names used are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely accidental and unintentional. Signed RICHARD M. NIXON

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,

“Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

 The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.”

 The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town.  I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday…I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

 The little boy replied with a chuckle.  “You’re bullshitting me, right?   You don’t even know the way to the Post Office!”

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Run Report #2122 29/01/2014

The F#*king Easy Run

Lower Pierce Reservoir, car park off Thompson Rd

Hares: Goes Down Easy, F#*king Easy

On On: Thumbs Up Chinese Restaurant, Casuarina Road

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The Run:

Arriving extremely early at the run site (4pm), I decided to venture out alone for a run through Bishan Park, where I discovered a T Check not far inside the park. So after I finished my run, I located myself at a strategic vantage point beyond some bushes after the T to observe the pack.


In a rare occurrence, it was Not Good Enough who broke the Check. There he was, standing alone on the other side of Ang Mo Kio Ave 1 calling for a woman. No one believed that he could actually break a Check, so he stood there for quite some time before other runners were convinced that he wasn’t joking.

From there, it looked like a horse race as the spread out pack made its way down the straight before turning up the grass hill.

Taking an early lead was Two Jugs, closely followed by Give Way, Comes Quietly, Forced Entry and Sneaky Comer. Obviously it was a weight for age race, as the combined age of this pack, 345 years, equaled their combined weight.

Fortunately they avoided a collision with a run away, Boo, who was coming from the opposite direction.

The leading bunch were followed by Give Way and Wet ‘n Wild who should have been muzzled to stop them chatting.

Trotting behind them was Red Snapper and Mother’s Tongue. Bagless Too and Bugle Boy got away to a poor start, going the wrong way at the T, and were trying to make up ground, quickly overtaking Loose Change, Not Tonight and Suzee Wong. Hooray was running his normal race tucked in midfield, looking for short cut options at the earliest possibility.

Imperfect Member and Mother’s Tongue, urged on by the Hare, Goes Down Easy, were plodding on steadily but being stayers rather than sprinters, found the fast straight was not to their liking.

As the field took the turn, Stiffy baulked at the sight of the imposing grassy hill climb that confronted them. Coming to a complete stop, he watched and thought carefully before turning back the opposite way and looking for easier options.

Meanwhile, the sprinter Too Easy, found it anything but too easy as she tried to cross the busy 4 lanes of Avenue 1, having failed to make the traffic lights.


As the Pack made its way through suburbia before eventually crossing Upper Thompson Rd and finishing along the boardwalk trail next to the reservoir, I made my way back to the run site to shower, have a cold beer and watch the Pack fight it out to the finishing line.

Good race.


The Circle:
After Not Good Enough shared his home made cookies, we were treated to a Circle led by 2 stand in Gm’s, Wet ‘n Wild and Two Jugs. Not Good Enough comments ’2 GM’s and ½ the IQ.’


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A good run. Loved the flying squirrel too.


Tell us about your On On: Thumbs Up, next to Casuarina. And what a feast it was. The food (meat) kept coming and coming. Just when we thought we had finished, and we had wiped up, out came the lemon chicken.


Next week’s run: Wet ‘n Wild calls for next week’s Hares. When no one came in, she finally remembered that she is next week’s Hare. [Actually, we are hoping the hare, Cunnilicker, remembers he is setting the run. According to the hareline, revealed by Sneaky Comer, the run may be at Lorong Sesuai].


Guests: Pepe, Bugle Boy, Bagless Too, 14 Penguins


Returnees: Ayam Kampong, In and Out (who both, incidentally, have joined as members). Was this copied from last week?


Virgins: Nope


Lipstick: CR, Comes Quietly, Bugle Boy, Pepe, F#*king Easy, even though he was a Hare, and Not Good Enough.


Tits: Imperfect Member thought it was a great run and was appreciated by everyone. Everyone that is except Cock Radio, who went and did his own run at 5pm. Unappreciative gets the Tits.


Dick: Wet ‘n Wild thinks that CR should also get the Dick, purely for being CR and being away for so long. Sounds like a lame dick charge to me.


Banana Protector: Jack Off absent.


Awards –Nope.



  • Not Good Enough was sitting back at the reservoir having a romantic moment watching the sunset over the water. But his romantic moment was spoiled by Red Snapper, Two Jugs and 14 Penguins who refused to go and get him a beer.


  • Boo observed Give Way out in front with Not Good Enough after her. And what did he do when he caught up? Pinched her on the bum. Cheeky charge that one.


  • Not Tonight is after Loose Change, but she has left so gets another natural blonde look a like in, Red Snapper. Loose Change saw an orange lotus pull into the car park and exclaimed that Not Good Enough was driving it. On closer inspection, it turned out that it wasn’t Not Good Enough, but he did turn up later in an orange running singlet.


  • Kamala congratulates Give Way and Not Good Enough on becoming grandparents. Well done nan and pop.


  • Sneaky Comer saw the Hare trying to keep the Pack on track by giving directions at all the Checks, although some of Goes Down Easy’s clues seemed to be verging on the ridiculous and lacking an authorative stamp. However, she somehow got everyone back. Sneaky Comer asked her to impart some of her sense of direction skills onto Wet ‘n Wild, who still has difficulties finding her way back to the bedroom at night after going to the toilet.


  • Bugle Boy tells how the Hares are celebrating a special anniversary. F#*king Easy asked Goes Down Easy if she had ever cheated. She replied candidly that she had cheated 3 times, but she did it for him.

    First time was with the Banker to secure the house loan.

    Second time was with the Doctor to pay for your cancer treatment.

    F#*king Easy can understand why she did this and forgives her. Then he asks about the third time.

    The third time was when Goes Down Easy needed 12 votes to become on sec of the Harriets.

    Boom boom.


  • Boo then gets all the Anton Casey Brit look a likes in. They are all given a one way ticket to Perth, flying Scoot, and an MRT card to get the train to Changi. What a twat.


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio



Stiffy, being a retired man, went into the Job Center in Orchard Rd, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.


Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.


The clerk pulled up the file and read; “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination.”


The clerk then commented that the annual salary is

$65,000, and that the job applicant would have to go to Johor Baru.”


“Good grief; is that where the job is?” asked Stiffy.


“No, sir — that is where the end of the line is right now.”


(Just imagine a gynecologist’s assistant called Stiffy?)

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Run Report #2121 22/01/2014

The Aussie Day Run


Hares: Cock Radio, with Gypsy and Zipp.

On On: Chinese next door

The Run:

After some discussion of the latest Australia v England cricket series, where cricket was described by Goes Down Easy as ‘that game where someone stands in front of 3 sticks and hits the ball with a flat stick,’ the pack headed up Sembawang Rd. Hooray was certain at the first Check it was across the road, and took Tiger Lily with him. The first of several wrongs for Tiger Lily.

A loop back into the jungle and out onto Gambas, where Comes Quietly went the usual way, but was wrong. It was back into the jungle where a friendly market gardener had a sign saying you may take the fruit but leave some for him.

Through a home-made bike track that some prick had tried to sabotage by placing upright nail sticks leading into it. Can’t have the local kids having a bit of fun can we.

Another bit of jungle before hitting the connector path along what remains of the Sungei Sembawang. Finally a HDB sprint, interspersed with checks at nearly every intersection, and across the field to home.

Goes Down Easy and Too Easy were in good form, as was Comes Quietly. Tiger Lily displayed a bit of Irish by coming in turd. The Boxer, who arrived late, was last seen running off into the sunset.

Zipp managed to get the walkers back without getting lost.

Back in 50 minutes after a nice run of about 7kms.


The Circle: Jack Off gets things going in the carpark that had a police van and an ambulance, while air force helicopters flew overhead.


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? The scribe thinks it was the run of the year, but he could be biased. Good run.


Tell us about your On On: Chinese next door, $12


Next week’s run: Lower Pierce Reservoir, Goes Down Easy, F#*king Easy.


Guests: Pepe, Lost and Found, FNG


Returnees: Ayam Kampong, In and Out.


Virgins: Nope


Lipstick: Hooray, Pepe, Lost and Found, FNG & Kan Not Kan for turning up late.


Tits: Kamala gets lots of saggy tits comments. Amongst lots of swearing and typical Kamala rambling, of which I only understood 10% of, Imperfect Member and Two Jugs were mentioned for going for a working holiday to the UK and Canada. It was work for Imperfect Member and of course ladies don’t work, so Two Jugs was left to amuse herself by going for runs in minus 30 degree weather. That would freeze your tits off. But closer to home, Tiger Lily wins for her effort in battling the cooler Singapore weather trying to cover her pointy nipples with a cardigan draped over her shoulders.


Dick: Wet ‘n Wild has the Dick.


Banana Protector: Pepe, a visitor, claims he has no one to give it, but decides he would like to give it to Jack Off. And who wouldn’t? It seems our GM had a little spider problem in the jungle.

Jack Off is impressed by the very curved banana.

Stiffy then gets charged by the GM, who said if she says it’s this big (open arms wide to show), then it is this big.


Awards –Nope.



  • The scribe sort of missed the opening charges, can’t remember why, but there have been an alcohol factor. My notes say CR – Beaver and Doggy Style. Stiffy, Tiger Lily – ambulance. Oh yes, there was an ambulance in the car park just in case…
  • Lost and Found lived up to his name – lost his shoes and car keys and found them eventually.
  • Too Easy is an honorary Aussie – wearing a pair of thongs.
  • Cock Radio points out that Singapore is a food lover’s delight. But there is just one thing missing – Vegemite! A multi-cultural squad of refined culinary taste testers are assembled to indulge and rate Vegemite on crackers. The Brits preferred Marmite, showing their total lack of culinary class, the Singaporeans asked for more chili lah, the Canadians were speechless but thought it may substitute maple syrup, the Yanks wanted it in a burger while Tiger Lily, representing the Japanese, thought it would go well with whale sushi.
  • Cock Radio is called back by Kamala for ignoring Indian Singaporeans, so a quick vegemite curry was whipped up to appease her.
  • Suzee Wong dragged CR back in for forgetting the Eurasian Singaporeans, so a vegemite mix was knocked up for Zipp.
  • Aussie songs were sung, including ‘They ain’t got no birth certificate,’ and ‘They all live in a penal colony..’ A reply back to the Brits from CR ‘ Union Jack is on our asse, do da, do da…’ pointing to his Aussie flag shorts.
  • Kan Not Kan puts a plug in for the Robbie Burns Run, part 2. Jl. Lam Sam, free whisky.
  • Croc Hunter is pulled in – Tiger Lily found a condom in his van. Unused thankfully. What was TL doing snooping around CH’s van anyway?
  • In & Out plugs the Lion City Charity Run – stay tuned for details, but he assures us it won’t clash with other chapter’s runs. But Gypsy says it clashes with a movie he is going to watch, KNK says it will clash with his Robbie Burns Run part 14, CR says it will clash with his Chong Pang beer drinking, Kamala says it may clash with an event happening in India…….
  • Zipp gets KNK in for clashing Robbie Burns with Kampong.
  • Goes Down Easy and F#*king Easy got a serve for something, but by this time I was more interested in my beer and missed it.
  • Jack Off let the banana protector slip and it smashed on the ground. Oh dear. Time to finish.

On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio



An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

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Run Report #2120 15/01/2014

The “last minute tongue lashing” Run

Lorong Sesuai.

Hare: Mother’s Tonque

On On: 24 Lorong Sesuai with food by The Boxer

The Circle:


What did we think of the run?: Probably a good run, the GM caught me with my knickers down so I missed it. Thanks Vish.


Next week’s run: Sembawang Shopping Centre for Australia Day. Hare is Cock Radio.


Guests: missed, still getting changed, welcome anyway.


Virgins: nope.


Returnees: nope.


Farewell: Farewell charge for Stiff & Stiffener with promises from them that it was definitely their last run.


New Members: welcome back In & Out & Ayam Kampong have joined as a replacement for them. They are pisspots etc.


Lipstick: Hooray (surprise surprise), FCB, KK, Malfunction, Stiffy, Stiff, Deadfish, Bugle boy.


Dick: Not Good Enough got dick slipped to him by Kan the Kobra and he assumed she slipped it to him cause she had got enough already then he called Too Easy in because (don’t know as he kept calling new people in & couldn’t write fast enough). I complained, asking if he would make up his bloody mind who he was charging then got the dick for complaining.


Tits: Gypsy charged 100 years ago was WW1 which starting him thinking about Sybil. Reminded him of WW1 aircraft when he saw her warming up waving her arms about it looked like she was going to take off.


Mini tits: Where are they? Oops On Sec might have thrown them out -dobbed in by Forced Entry & given down down.


Banana Keeper: …Something was said about the banana protector by GM but couldn’t hear it.



  • Stiff & Stiffener called in to present farewell gift & thanks for your great hospitality. Harriet’s given invite to come to Chiang Mai which Ayam Kampong duly accepted. Given an Autograph book & picture frame with photo montage.
  • Mother’s Tongue called In & Out & Ayam Kampong in to say thank you for replacing Stiff & Stiffener they should appreciate the Harriets cause they’re not going to get fitter or healthier – much laughter at this.
  • Gypsy asked so where’s Xmas run which was duly ignored by Ayam Kampong.
  • Suzie Wong charged In & Out saying how long are you joining for? His reply: “one quarter cause it’s cheaper”. Give the tight arse a drink. He did say he would find his replacement PROMISE.
  • Fat Crashing Bastard charged Too Easy & Stiff. He didn’t realise until now that Too Easy was having people place fingers on her cause she told him she will miss Stiffs big ‘Chopper”.
  • Too Easy asked FCB can you find replacement big chopper when you go to Nigeria. So found one & got it through customs – he then produced a parang. Stiff says what a beauty. FCB points out it was made in England so they have big ones there do they. Too Easy gleefully accepted this.
  • Goes Down Easy called Bugle Boy & Kannot Kan in, saying they must have kissed because they had matching lipstick marks on.
  • Sybil charged In & Out saying she has a handicap. All her friends help her on the hash run & her heart goes boom boom when In & Out stayed back to help her as well or something like that.


On on

Scribed by Wet ‘n Wild

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Run Report #2119 08/01/2014

The “You can find shaggy in the city, if you look hard enough” Run

Fort Canning Park.

Hare: Red Snapper

On On: London Bar on Boat Quay

The Circle:


What did we think of the run?: Run was very good well laid even a tiny bit of shaggy. Frontrunners finished about 6:55. Good run, thanks Red Snapper.


Next week’s run: Lorong Sesuai – Cunnilicker.


Guests: Totally Unacceptable, Matahari, Onnorehea, Allen, John Pepe, Goes Bothways, Handbag, In & out, Tina Tuna, Impossible, Stiff, Stiffener.


Virgins: nope.


Returnees: nope.


Lipstick: Hooray, Boo, Kannot Kan, Comes both ways. @ Special gentlemen Gautier & John Pepe were too shy to say they needed a woman when they broke a check so they waved their arms and called hey hey (tiger lily charge).


Dick: Stiffy gave them to Kan the Kobra for dancing in the nude.


Tits: Slocum gave them to Kannot Kan for running in behind Tiger Lily (he didn’t do the run) saying “I’m second”.


Banana Keeper: …Not present.



  • Boo charged Americans re cold wind from the Arctic circle in the states called them in to give them a warm welcome to Singapore – and Yankees pay $1 more.
  • Stiffy – Must live by the law in Singapore even if you’re here for a few days. Can’t swing a U-turn & go up a one way street the wrong way (Stiff got charged).
  • Slocum charged Stiffy for having a car too long because of the bike rack on his car.
  • Boo, Quickie got out of court case to come to hash for farewell run for Stiff n Stiffener.
  • Deep Throat – sang her happy birthday.
  • Penile Extension charged Stiffy, Not Tonight, Too Easy for thinking it was Boxer’s birthday and saying happy birthday to her and spreading it around that it was her birthday.
  • Not Tonight charged the Americans re the 9/11 being a very serious event but some Americans from the fire service were found cheating. They said they were severely traumatized by the event and couldn’t leave the house yet some were caught out jet skiing shame on the Americans.
  • Kamala charged GM & Deep Throat asked GM where her F me shoes were like the lovely ones D Throat was wearing
  • Goes Both Ways complained about no haberdash and that he wanted to spend $50 on a t-shirt plus give one to Harriets. Stiff gave him one from his car.
  • Handbag charged Stiff and Stiffener re it being sad they were leaving but that it was even sadder because Boo can’t leave Singapore (bullshit sand).
  • John Pepe & Gautier charged the Harriets re they think this club are just using running as an excuse to drink (dumb shit it sounds like).
  • Tiger Lily charged Too Easy, Boxer, Impossible, Gautier as she was wondering what was going on when she saw Boxer pulling up her dress for them until she realized she was showing them her Harriets logo on her underwear.
  • TL again Gautier was an ultra-marathoner running 100 km but he’s young could he still even run a marathon like Impossible when he’s Impossible’s age?


On on

Scribed by Wet ‘n Wild

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Run Report #2118 01/01/2014

The “Boxer’s Annual Recovery” Run

Ang Mo Kio Industrial Park 3 Block 6006.

Hares: The Boxer, Forced Entry, consultant Penile Extension.

On On: on site


The Run: The hares were Penile Extension, Boxer & Forced Entry with a drink stop and free on-site on-on. One wonders just how the divisions of responsibility fell to the hares. My guess was that Boxer did all the recces and drink stop, Forced Entry laid the trail and was going to sweep and that Penile Extension handled the cooking. I’m kind of glad that I was wrong. Surpringly, the run headed off across the field behind the car park, rather than straight over Yio Chu Kang Road to the jungle. Some crafty checks in and behind the AMK industrial estate and the Cactus Road area kept everyone together. It was only then that we crossed YCK Rd. and got into the eastern side of YCK jungle – the former site of the YCK kampong that was wiped out back in the 1980′s. Lots of fruit trails, back checks, mud and short cuts between YCK, CTE and SLE eventually led us back to YCK Rd., across the street from the drink stop. I don’t remember much after that but I think we just ran down the road to reach the first back check of the run, then followed backwards arrows until we got home. Great run!


The Circle:


The GM started the circle on time but no one asked me to fill in for Cock Radio so I assumed someone else was doing the scribe but I didn’t see anyone and people started coming up to me and ask me why I wasn’t writing anything down so I started to worry and decided to scribe by myself in case no one else was doing it so that you could get a newsletter and so that no one would yell at me later but, of course, I missed the first part of the circle and there was no way in hell I could remember all 53 guests’ names anyway so I am still cursing the MIA Cock Radio who better hurry back. Amen.: So here is to that first drinker, whoever they may be.


Hares: Boxer, Penile Extension & Forced Entry took the stage to general acclaim. I am sure the drink stop and promised scrumptious free on-on convinced any doubters to cheer loudly for the now “great” run.


Next week’s run: I heard something about Fort Canning but the expected hares did not seem to be around. Please check your newsletter.


Guests: Without exaggeration, there were 89 guests who obviously had heard about the on-on and drink stop. There is no way on this God’s earth that I could remember all of them. As best as I can recall, however, I do remember that the GM, Hash Brew and about six other members were not in the circle at this point so we needed help singing for the down down.


Virgins: American Eric and Julie. A special note that Eric didn’t have a hash shirt and therefore embarrassed the GM, Jack Off. Jack Off insisted that whoever made him cum should be given a down down so into the circle came Slocum. Huh?


Returnees: Comes-in-Turn, King Leer, Stiff, Stiffener. Hey, wait a second… didn’t those last two set last week’s run as members, you ask?? You bet your sweet bippy they did but that was all the way back in last year. They have not been members now for a good 18 hours before the run. Returnees, my arse.


Lipstick: Circle Jerk (calling at the first check), Penile Extension (leading the pack to the first check), Cherry Picker, Boo, HooRay, Eric, Crancky and Scratchy Bawasan all ended up with Rudolph noses for various front-running infractions.


Dicks: After sterilizing the tits with sulfuric acid and Darlie toothpaste, Mata Hari passed the dick to Pokai. It seems that Pokai was calmly and discreetly showering behind a large truck but she failed miserably to note that the driver had returned, started the vehicle and started to reverse out of the parking space. All this left Pokai doing the Full Monty for all hashers to see – at least those who were looking or who heard the shouts of “hey guys, look at the naked chick”. Thanks Pokai, you are welcomed back to the Harriets anytime. The guys have taken up a collection and you subs are paid for the year.


Tits: Comes Quietly originally called in Penile Extension but changed his mind and brought Circle Jerk in instead. CJ found the first check and through tradition out the window. Males who find the Harriets on-trail are wont to shout, with desperation in their voice, “I need a woman!” Instead, CJ at first calls on on, then remembers he is on the Harriets, stops and calmly proclaims “Women, come to me!”


Banana Keeper: …Penile Extension called in King Lear who came really late to the run. It turns out that PE was only awarding the mini-tits which was my saving grace. I forgot what the charge was but since PE was only giving out his newly made up and completely bogus award, I don’t have to mention it here and no one will know the difference. The real Banana Keeper was Stiffy and he passed to Eric for a variety of infractions such as not knowing who the GM was (He’s staying at Jack Off’s house) and running off without keeping an eye on her (like all of the rest of the guys do!)



  • Slocum called in Stiffy for riding much slower tonight and taking forever to figure out why – there was a snail on Stiffy’s tire the whole run, hence the snail’s pace.
  • Wet Brazilian called in Boo and Too Easy because Boo was shortcutting and, if not for Too Easy, would have stepped on and crushed a massive 10cm snake.
  • Boo stayed in the circle to call in the hares for not using biodegradable tinsel for laying the trail. Boo laid out the tinsel in the circle that he collected from the run to prove his point.
  • Zipp called in Boo for picking up all the tinsel and making her lose the trail.
  • Circle Jerk entered the circle over his spilled beer and got a drink for his alcohol abuse. His excuse was that he was wearing the newly acquired tits and he could not see anything close to his feet. He then got his charge in on Dead Fish who, allegedly, finished showering within prison-shower distance of Circle Jerk and Eleven, wrapped a mini towel around part of his privates then put on a g-string for underwear. To make matters worse, he then stopped over for a chat while rearranging his package and wedgie.
  • Boxer called in Penile Extension. She spoke to the other side of the circle so I will guess that she said that PE was sent out to buy gloves and came home with a bunch of mini-bananas.
  • Slocum, ably assisted by Fat Crashing Bastard, called in Scratchy Bawasan. They announced that SB was their acupuncturist and anyone needing to be pricked should visit him. For shamelessly trying to get discounts in exchange for advertising.
  • Zipp called in the obvious couple, Cherry Picker and Lap Dog, who were wearing the same hash shirts. She also called in the much more discreet couple, who were trying to hide their relationship, but their shared use of the same unique flip flops gave them away. The happy couple? Dead Fish and Kannot Kan. Love is in the air. Obvious soul mates.
  • Kannot Kan confused me but I think he said that Scratchy Bawasan was named by Ditch Bitch and that SB was his oldest friend in Singapore (although he didn’t look that old to me). KK also announced that SB had a weekly radio show on 90.5 and did acupuncture for dogs. I guess KK needed a discount on his next pricking.
  • Stiff called in Circle Jerk for trying to use the fact that he was recovering from New Year’s Eve celebrations for all the stuff he messed up earlier on the run and in the circle. It turns out that the fact was not a fact at all and Stiff new the truth. CJ went to bed at 11:00pm on the 31st!
  • Jack Off called in Eric for talking to snails on the run. I think one of them was the one trying to escape on Stiffy’s Bike.
  • Penile Extension needed to drag out the circle while dinner was still getting ready so he called in Boxer, Pokai, Too Easy and Eleven. He asked them bend forward from the waist. Just as PE was starting to enjoy the view down their shirts, Boo started singing, thus ending PE excitement for the night.
  • Amen. And, no, I do not proof-read.


On on

Scribed by Gypsy

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Run Report #2117 26/12/2013

The “Please Help Us Drink our Leftover Booze” Run

10 Maida Vale.

Hares: Stiffener and Stiff

On On: on site

The Circle:


Start 8.30 because of a good drinks stop. The hares were the Stiff family Robinson, including Leo the Dog. Fiona aka Stiffener announced a lavish on-on of salmon, ham, pasta, parsnips, salad, etc. All free inclusive of GST.


Next week’s run: Recovery run by The Boxer and Forced Entry. Complicated instructions for near Cactus road in Yio Chua Kang, or something. Anyway, see the next run box at the top of the report for accurate instructions.


Returnees: Slippery Bum and Handbag.


Guests: Visitors were more than the members (only 2 of the committee present).


Virgins: None recorded.


Lipstick: Front running naughty boys were given the Red lipstick treatment, including Stiffless, Handbag, Hooray, PE, CP, Turds, and Jai’s husband (SIA pilot) Trevor? Any hash name?


Tits: Emergency tits (tiny–quite common in Asia). Candidates: CP and PE. Should men be kind to women? Tiger lily had run through a T-check as usual, her legs working faster than her brain. PE said leave her in the shiggy, CP said I will rescue her, but he had an ulterior motive—the price was that she should join the dog hash, CP being its GM and avid publicist.


Dick: Not present.


Banana Keeper: …not present.



  • Stiff summoned the Brazilian Blonde Bombshell (aka Wet Brazilian) and acting/unpaid stand in GM. He used some big words to describe her “sartorial elegance” and her “dexterity” in managing her FM shoes on the soggy lawn, and the tree roots and uneven flags in the driveway—not the usual setting for women in tarty outfits. (She explained this type of exhibitionism is the “tradition”? For the GM’S on Wednesdays).
  • Penile Ex gave them both a down down for this intrusion and flagrant soliciting.
  • Newly married expert HANDBAG then accused Stifles of admitting that he had lost his virginity only 2 years previously, but Handbag did not seem to know that Mr. and Mrs. Stifles had tied the knot last September.
  • Kan Not Kan then tried to impose some fault on the GM for running on a Thursday, but as usual, he was shouted down for lack of homework—plenty of precedents of hashes running on different days because of public holidays, etc.
  • Stifles was then given a metaphor for marriage, likened to his running with Leo the Dog on a lead, always going the opposite way round a tree—husband and wife pulling in different directions?
  • CP (sigh!) then punished Mrs. Stifles, (Laptop?), for throwing her beer down down over her head—wastage.
  • GM BBB then exposed CP of not being type who respects women as he had ordered his wife to bring him a beer.
  • 3 BEERS (VISITOR FROM UK) HAD SPOTTED 4 hashers using the lift at the MRT station. Are they Hashers or geriatrics? Who were they? Kan not Kan, Kan the Kobra, Tina Tuna (where was Handbag? Sprinting up the stairs?)
  • CP and Stiff as hares, then announced the Lion city run for the following day.
  • PE gave them a down down for wasting police (hash) time.
  • Handbag, a newly married expert himself, revealed his astonishment that Stiffener had kept his virginity until only 2 years ago. He was then corrected by Stiff and family for this libel, stressing that he had been married to his long term girlfriend since last November, and he was only a virgin to the legal state of marriage.
  • KNK then came in to bumble on and on at BBB’s expense-about the change of the Wed. run to Thursday. Plenty precedents to prove him wrong.
  • Stifles was then given a preparation for marriage lesson/metaphor. He had run with Leo on a lead, and found that Leo always managed to run the OPPOSITE side round a tree. Is this like Man and wife pulling in different directions?
  • CP (he claims to be an introvert!) accused Laptop (Mrs. Stifles) of throwing her beer down down away.
  • BBB got CP for not respecting women—ordering his lovely wife to bring him a beer.
  • Tiger Lily came in to support this by her version of CP in the shiggy when she had overshot the t-check? Kindness? Or self interest in promoting his obsession with the dog hash? Was he suggesting that TL is a dog?


The free on on lasted until 2 A.M .with lots of tasty food, and a lethal array of liquor and liquors. It was rumbustious farewell to Seletar airbase as a hash location, and some people were hard to evict. A cosy picture of retirement in Chang Mai and a lovely house in UK was painted by the Stiffs, after 23 years of hard graft in Singapore. Good luck, and thanks for all the good times!!


On on

Scribed by King Leer

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Run Report #2115 11/12/2013

The ‘Viking’ Run

Labrador Park, Car Park B Hares: Mata Hari and Totally Unacceptable

On On: On Site by Mr Ho

The Circle:


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? GM Jackoff does not “accept” this run because most runs laid by Totally Unacceptable are road runs. This run she was surprised and impressed that there was jungle! Then she found out Mata Hari was involved… that explains it! Good Run!


Tell us about your On On: On site by Mr Ho.


Next week’s run: Tiger Lily at Bukit Gombak.


Guests: Just Jane, Bugle Boy, Totally Unacceptable, Dragon Breath, John, Ditch.


Returnees: In & Out.


Virgins: Johanna – her “bad” colleague made her come, it was her boss in California that told her to come. GM told her good because we are “bad”.


Lipstick: John, Bugle Boy, Ditch, In & Out, Boo, Welsh Git.


Tits: Wet Brazilian calls in several people who looked up the hill at a circle check… Johanna, In & Out, Tiger Lily, Bugle Boy, F’in Easy… tits go to Tiger Lily for not seeing the trail after apparently passing two obvious marks. Ditch is the hero for eventually finding the trail!


Dick: Stiffy says women in Brazil are known for big tits and small bikinis, but they are fighting back! Apparently Lulu now has a table for how the men perform. Oh well, forget all that, the dick goes to Mata Hari for calling Shiggy, “Shaggy,” even when it was written right there on her socks!


Banana Protector: In & Out says he found this person by the sound of their voice… sounded like the voice of a woman saying, “It’s so unfair… they were circle checking then they left me!” Turns out it was Bugle Boy so he gets the banana protector. Be a man next time!


Awards –Nope.



  • Just Jane is called into the circle because it is her last run with the Harriets!!! We are all sad to see her go and thank her for running with us almost every week. But wait, it’s her birthday too!!! Happy Birthday is sung and candles are blown out!
  • Another couple is leaving us… Wet Pet and Welsh Git are retiring to Bali, boo hoo. They come into the circle and it’s decided that they need to be dressed a little more in the Bali style. Welsh Git loses his shorts for a skirt! The couple gets a down down and best wishes!
  • Tiger Lily calls Just Jane into the circle and gives her a present for her birthday – she’s re-gifting her wooden peek-a-boo sculpture so Just Jane has something to take to The Netherlands.
  • Dragon Breath charges Imperfect Member for taking a “short cut” from the pack of women he was with … due to the rain he says he thinks he is doing his own run tonight! Turns out he went to the pub and had a beer… A true hasher!
  • Bugle Boy charges Goes Down Easy and F’in Easy for having a little tiff at brunch. FE told Goes Down Easy she was supposed to be earlier, but showed up two hours late. GDE said she’s been busy. FE accused his wife saying you’ve been sleeping with my friends! Is it Boo? Is it In & Out? Kannot Kan? But GDE said no… don’t you think I have my own friends? :)


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Goes Down Easy

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Run Report #2114 4/12/2013

The ‘Not Far From Last Week’s Run’ Run

Vigilante Drive

Hare: Bagless Too

On On: On Site The Boxer, Steak, Salmon, fruit salad

The Run:

After a metre of rain in the past few days, and under threatening skies, it takes a brave man to set a run on chalk. Or a Scotsman who calculates that 2 pieces of chalk is far cheaper than a bag of flour and 2 rolls of toilet paper.

After a few loops around the summit of the park, it was then down the hill and along the fence line of Normanton Park and into wedding photo hill. Tiger Lily and Shirley Temple were doing all the Checks. Plenty of ups and downs had us huffing and puffing as we finally ended up on Alexandra Rd.

Comes Quietly smelt a T Check over the bridge and did not take a step. Shirley Temple had a slight whiff of a T Check and stopped half way over. Tiger Lily was left to go all the way over and confirm that it was a T Check.

Coo Chi Coo called that he needs a woman with a nice bum, and immediately Comes First in figure hugging tights ran past. It was then a sprint through Hort Park before the long haul back up the hill.

Back in 50 minutes after a nice run.


The Circle: Two Jugs is in charge. The Circle is formed into an oblong so as not to block the pathway.


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Up and down, the frogs liked it. Good run.


Tell us about your On On: The Boxer, $12. Salmon and steak.


Next week’s run: Labrador Park, Totally Unacceptable.


Guests: Just Jane, Dead Fish, Totally Unacceptable, Mati Hari, Dog Bush, Coo Chi Coo, King Lear, Dragon Breath, Pepe, Ollie, Shirley Temple, Knobby Boy Scout, Bagless Too, Penile Extension,


Returnees: Ayam Kampong, In and Out


Virgins: Nope


Lipstick: Hooray, CR, Shirley Temple.


Tits: Wet Brazilian has them, but forgot to bring.


Dick: Wet Brazilian has it. See above.


Banana Protector: Wet Brazilian again. See above.


Awards –Nope.



  • Tiger Lily gets a bit tongue tied and let’s out that she was getting laid before the run. Anyway, there she was on South Buona Vista and Stiff roared straight past her on his bike without stopping. Stiff didn’t think she could have got her leg over.
  • Hooray informs us that Tiger Lily came 7th in the veterans at last week’s marathon, beating Shirley Temple by 4 minutes.
  • Totally Unacceptable is wondering why Dragon Breath has to drive the 100meters from her home to the run site. Totally Unacceptable.
  • Too Easy has sympathy for Knobby Boy Scout who arrived late and had difficulty finding trail. CR is dragged in as representative of the FRB’s for not breaking the Checks.
  • Kan Not Kan tells us that Singapore came in 5th as the least corrupt nation. The other month, the 2 Hares from the Monday Hash were threatened with $5000 fines for not getting NP’s permission to set a run. 2 weeks later the fines were waived. It’s not what you do, it’s who you do. A couple of corrupt Singaporeans are brought in and charged.
  • Dragon Breath mentions that at last week’s run, Goes Down Easy had told her husband to come along after the run to the On On at Kitchen 99. But where was he? ‘I wonder where my husband is?’ she repeated 7 times, getting rather concerned. So where was F#*king Easy? 20 metres away in a bar drinking on his own. That did not go down easy with his wife.
  • Not Tonight gets all the Yanks in for complaining about the noisy frogs. They are American Bullfrogs you whackers, they are meant to be loud.
  • Dragon Breath had a good run because Buttwiper wasn’t here. Bagless Too in as a look alike. Buttwiper was training for the Urban Run, but got caught up in traffic. Dragon Breath suggested he come to the On On instead of training. Healthy salmon, steak, salad, fruit salad etc, just right for an athlete in training. Buttwiper refused the offer and went to Fat Bastards Burgers instead. Tiger Lily, another athlete who looks after herself, immediately called out that she knows where that place is.
  • Kan Not Kan then charged Tiger Lily for not only going to Fat Bastards Burgers but associating with a Fat Bastard last weekend.
  • We run in any conditions, rain, hail or shine, right? During tonight’s run, a couple of spots of rain fell, prompting a response of ‘It’s raining, I’m going back to the car.’ That’s the spirit Suzee Wong.
  • Dragon Breath then charged Not Tonight for carrying an umbrella with her all the way. We could have used her as a lightning conductor.


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio

Sneaky Comer’s Bad Day (why he didn’t run last week)

There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home, there I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me.”

“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

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Run Report #2113 27/11/2013

The Stiffy Birthday Run

Pepys Rd

Hares: Stiffy, Not Tonight and Stiffy’s road bike.

On On: Kitchen 99 South Buona Vista Rd.

The Run:

What actually constitutes a good run?

A run where Hooray gets lost. Well that didn’t happen. Unfortunately.

A run with nice jungle trails. That didn’t eventuate either.

A run without dangerous creatures. No ticks here either, I had to jump over a snake slithering across the footpath.

A run without too much pavement. Another cross, it was all on pavement as the Hare had set it on his road bike.

A run where no one whinges. Another fail, the Hare was Stiffy.

A run that is well marked. No go here either. The run was set with 1 piece of chalk, with arrows 2kms apart.

A run site where we can’t get into trouble with the authorities. Nope. Coo Chi Coo turned up and demanded to know what we were doing in his front yard.

So what did this run have going for it?

As Jack Off famously said one week, ‘Even if it isn’t good, it is still a good run.’ There was some nice scenery, even if we did skirt around it. No one got lost. Or bitten by the snake. Boo wasn’t there. The rain held off. We all came back knowing we had done a run. The Beer Wagon was there. And after all, it is Wednesday and it is the Harriets, it’s got to be good.

Well done Stiffy, good run. And Happy Birthday.


The Circle: Jack Off gets the Circle started with the scribe still trying to find a quiet spot with no one to get in his ear. Unfortunately, this turned out to be in a dark corner of the Circle (ok, ok, sector). Dragon Breath and The Boxer came to the rescue, taking it in turns to imitate a lighthouse by holding a lantern over the scribe.


Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run of course.


Tell us about your On On: Kitchen 99, $12. 8 courses.


Next week’s run: Vigilante Drive, Bagless Too.


Guests: Welsh Git, Butt Wiper, Dragon Breath, Mata Hari, Assma, Bagless Too, Carilyn, Coo Chi Coo, Penile Extension, No Good.


Returnees: Ayam Kampong.


Virgins; Theresa, Pepe (John)


Lipstick: Hooray, Buttwiper, Virgin lad, Imperfect Member, Welsh Git.


Tits: Wet Brazilian has them.


Dick: Wet Brazilian has it.


Banana Protector: Wet Brazilian again.


Awards –Nope.



  • Jack Off asked Not Tonight if she loves the Harriets. Not Tonight gives a detailed description of just how much she really does love the Harriets. Jack Off then asked why she was wearing her shirt inside out. Off Off Off.
  • Too Easy is missing a pink cup. What size?
  • Wet Pet charged Tiger Lily for not picking up a visitor.
  • Sneaky Comer told Stiffy to use his mountain bike instead of his road bike to set the run next time, then maybe we could run on some shiggy.
  • Jack Off got in Stiffy and Not Tonight for still talking to each other (during the Circle too) despite being married for so long.
  • Hooray heard nothing all night except for Tiger Lily saying how hungry she was. Then why did she go and do the long run?
  • Sneaky Comer, as editor of this run report, is sick of the scribe confusing husband and wife team, Goes Down Easy and F#*kin’ Easy. I am just going to put this down as not so f#*king easy.
  • Jack Off, using the powers that are infected in her, names a potential member as ‘Dark Bush.’
  • CR gets Fat Crashing Bastard out of his wheelchair and asks him to turn to page 2 of his Hash Song Book.
  • Tiger Lily has been studying up on sex and has come up with some findings. Stiffy represents the English, who apparently are adventurous with sex (I think that means they are now doing it with the light on), CR represents the Aussies who are into same sex marriage and Wet ‘n Wild represents the Kiwi sheep shaggers.
  • Dragon Breath was not happy with Lose Change, Not Tonight et al. for taking her on a walkers trail that absolutely f#*ked her.
  • Virgin Gal dobs in Dragon Breath, Not Tonight, Loose Change et al for stopping at Kitchen 99 for drinks under the pretence of making our dinner reservation.
  • Penile Extension informs a Singaporean, Dances With Kerbs, a Malay, Kan the Kobra and a Brit, Comes First that slavery ended 200 years ago.
  • Kan Not Kan informs Goes Down Easy she does not have to live up to her name. At Friday’s run, she fell onto her bottom, bounced 3 times and ended within centimeters of taking a 2metre drop into a drain.
  • Not Tonight spares no expense for the love of her life and presents Stiffy with a cup cake and one candle. Happy Birthday Stiffy. (You have a lovely wife, don’t whinge).


On on to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio



A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and
was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her
  “I’m doing some research for Vaseline.  Have you ever used the

She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

    “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?”

        “We use it for sex,” she said.

        The researcher was a little taken aback.

        “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle
chain or to help with a gate hinge.
        But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.

        I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far,
can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”

        The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all.  My husband and I
put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.” 

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